Unwilling but Unregretful
by FaelwenofLothlorien
Summary: She was just an average girl from the 21st century, but somehow she found herself on board Voyager in the 24th century. With no clue how she got there, and no way home can she start a new life in the Delta Quadrant and make it back to Earth?
1. I Meet a Nameless Guy

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's in Star Trek, just the idea of this fanfiction and the OC's! And I can't be bothered so this will be the only Disclaimer!**

Chapter 1: I meet a nameless guy  
Valerie's POV:

This was truly what I'd been waiting for, for about the past 6 or so hours. Last period, and about 10 minutes until I actually finally managed to go home, I was already drumming my fingers against my desk impatiently much to the amusement of my 'best friend' Paige. One thing I learned from being her friend since kindergarten, you never really know who you can and can't trust, and she definitely falls under the latter of the two categories!

Her laugh echoed throughout the almost silent room. It was too forced. "You seemed to enjoy watching that documentary about space travel more than you do this, what's up?"

"Perhaps space is actually interesting as opposed to this" I suggested, winking at her.

"But this is a complete bludge, you should be enjoying yourself while you can, the homework we'll get in return for this lesson tomorrows gonna kill me!"

"Since when do you do homework?"

"Touché"

Rolling my eyes at her I continued doodling. From what I guessed it was some sort of planet, labelled with all sorts of random things and little extra pictures off the sides of what buildings might look like and what the technology might be like with extra annotations.

It hopefully wouldn't be long until they managed to answer the question we'd been asking for generations. The question that all humanity couldn't help but wonder; where we alone in this universe or did other planets also have populations and species of their own, with technology similar or advanced to ours.

Well… I knew one human that didn't care less.

And she was sitting right next to me now!

The lesson was just dragging on and on. To be honest I was starting to develop a blinding headache between Paige's complaints and the video we were watching, I wasn't even attempting to follow along or figure out what they were talking about. If I hadn't payed attention for the past 1 and a bit hours what was the point in starting now anyway? Instead trying to block everything out I kept doodling. Next time I had science I was going to the school counsellor; that was one way to get out of the boring classes.

And he taught me more psychology than my actual psychology teacher did! Oh what a shame I'd be in University next year, then I couldn't just skip class and catch up later!

Oh well…

The familiar ringing echoed in my head, causing me to flinch as I quickly stood grabbing all my belongings and walking out before she could call me back. I didn't care anyway. Spending less than a minute at my locker (literally all I did was throw my stuff in my bag and walk off) I was already on my way to the car park, awkwardly trying to figure out in which pocket I put my keys. As usual I was in a world of my own until I heard a scream and a loud screeching noise.

Looking to the side I saw a car coming, and I froze.

My head was pounding. What just happened? Wincing I slowly reached my hand up to cradle my head.

"Quiet now, she's coming to" I heard a male voice say. I tried opening my eyes, groaning at the brightness before I shut them again. Was it normal to feel my pulse in my head? I highly doubted it, not that it mattered.

Seconds later I felt somewhat better, the pain dying down. What the hell was happening to me?

Opening my eyes I looked up at the people around me. I was in a white room, and immediately thought of a hospital. That was until I saw the uniforms they were wearing. Don't they were white in hospitals?

"Where am I?" I attempted to say, instead it came out somewhat croaky and just miserable in general.

"You are in Sickbay on the Federation Star Ship Voyager, I am the Emergency Medical Hologram" he stated in a matter of fact tone, I raised my eyebrows edging away.

"I'm dreaming… that's it I'm dreaming"

"I assure you you're not" a female voice said stopping my little mantra in my head. I blinked.

"Well if I'm not dreaming this will, ouch!" I complained shaking my arm out. Pinching my arm obviously wasn't the best idea. Then again I was in my way kind of glad that I wasn't dreaming, which excused this as a daydream, I just probably hit my arm on something! People were raising their eyebrows at me by this point. "This can't be real star ships don't exist yet!"

I didn't miss the pointed looks between the people around me.

"What's the year?" she asked me.

"2012" I answered bluntly. "Are you guys that out of the loop?"

"Doctor, I want you to run a thorough scan of her and make sure she's alright, afterwards I'd like to see you in my office Miss…" she trailed off, and I saw the stern, if not slightly concerned look on her face.

"Chase" I answered with my last name, assuming she meant that as she nodded.

"Miss Chase"

Turning head on heel she walked out of the door, me watching as it opened as she came causing me to flinch slightly in shock. Walking right behind her were 3 other men and I watched as the door closed behind them.

"You aren't going to hurt me are you?" I asked, not sure what a thorough scan meant, and not at all trusting whatever it was he pulled out.

"I am a doctor, my only care is your wellbeing"

"So… what's your name?" I asked as he held the cylinder like thing near me, closing my eyes so I didn't have to watch whatever it was that it was doing.

"I have no name" he answered. "Don't worry this won't hurt" he continued probably noting my discomfort, and the obvious display of my shut eyes.

"How don't you have a name?"

"I am an Emergency medical hologram as I said earlier, everyone on board simply calls me doctor though" he said bluntly. "Well everything seems fine though I just want to do one more test and then you're free to go see the Captain"

"The captain?" I felt like such an idiot. Constantly asking questions and not understanding… well anything!

"Captain Janeway, the woman that just requested you see her in her office when I'm finished"

Smiling nervously now I felt like more of an idiot. How had I been unable to put that together? It was beyond me to understand how stupid this was but I still couldn't believe this. This had to be some sort of joke, and I was going to get to the bottom of this one way or another!

**A/N: So that's Chapter one, I hope you guys liked it I'll be posting more ASAP and this will start really close to the beginning and I'll see how it goes… um… any ideas are welcome and you can even request who Val will end up with ;) **

**Thanks for Reading  
FaelwenofLothlorien **


	2. Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows

Chapter 2: Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows  
Valerie's POV:

After getting lost countless times I tried my old approach, something that seemed to have worked throughout all my childhood and hopefully would also work now. I sat down.

Now sitting does seem to waste time and isn't the most productive manner of finding your way around but trust me, it works better than most people expect it will. Here, why would anyone not wearing the uniform be sitting around this so called 'star ship'?

For one, I attract attention, and for two sitting helps with that!

Someone finally walked past and noticed me just sitting there. I told you it works!

"Do you need help?" he asked smiling at me.

"Um… could you please give me directions to the Captain's ready room?" I asked sheepishly, grinning as I pushed myself off the ground.

"Considering the computer and I give horrible directions, and I'm headed close to that way I might as well walk you" he said jokingly but I couldn't help the overwhelming urge to hug him.

"Thanks, I'm Valerie by the way, Valerie Chase"

"No problems Valerie, I'm Tom, Tom Paris" he said as he grinned at me, beginning to lead the way to wherever we were going. And he was right, I would've gotten lost if he'd just given me directions, but I didn't understand what he meant about the computer giving horrible directions. Internally sighing I promised myself I'd figure it out at some later point in time, for now I had to focus on my meeting and trying to figure out how to get back home!

With the pointless chit-chat going on he somehow managed to keep me laughing, and time passed extremely fast. So the next thing I realized was we were in an elevator (or turbo lift as he referred to it as though I reckon they're the same thing with just a fancier name for this!) and we got out at the 'bridge'.

Immediately I was aware of the people sitting around here, and standing, walking and just mentioning things that I couldn't wrap my head around. Yellow, blue and red uniforms, my guess was they all symbolized something.

"The Captain's ready room is right over there" Tom said, pointing me towards the door and sadly attracting a bit more attention to us. Or probably me because I was 'new' here, but still I smiled slightly at Tom, nodding meekly and walking, or rather slightly running to what would be the safety of this ready room. Then I wouldn't hear what they'd say about me either!

"Hello Miss Chase… would you like something to drink?" she asked me, smiling as I entered.

"Um… a hot chocolate with marshmallows please ma'am" I said, trying to be as polite as I could for now. I knew nothing about her, yet there was something that told me she knew more about me, more about this situation than I'd like!

"Computer; two drinks, one coffee, black, hot and one chocolate milk, hot with marshmallows" she said and I raised by eyebrow before jumping and letting out a slight yelp as I saw two things just… just… appear. The Captain laughed slightly, carrying the drink over to the desk. "Please sit"

Nervously I sniffed the hot chocolate, feeling heaps calmer already. Chocolate has funny effects on people… especially me!

"So tell me a bit about yourself" she said, I could tell there was a sense of curiosity, so what harm could it do telling the basics? This had to be a prank of some kind as I doubt kidnappers would go to these lengths so I complied.

"I'm Valerie Chase, born 1994 in London on my parent's vacation; we went back to America a couple of months later… um… what do I call you?" I asked awkwardly, I didn't want to continuously call her Captain, or ma'am.

"Kathryn will do" she said, drinking a bit of her coffee. I never understood how people managed to drink their coffee black.

"So what kind of joke is this anyway?" I finally asked, unable to contain the question.

"Oh, I can assure you this is no joke, as much as I'd like to tell you it is… perhaps it would be best if you were informed about the situation we're in"

"That might be helpful" I stated bluntly.

"We're in the year 2371. We encountered problems shortly after first leaving and ended up here in the Delta quadrant, 70 000 light years from earth. We've been trying to make it back there ever since we arrived. But about you… well honestly we can't work out how you ended up here let alone in the condition that we originally found you in. We found you on an away mission on another planet, it may've been finding you that distracted Neelix long enough for whomever, or whatever it was that took his lungs, or you came off lucky as Chakotay and Harry came as quickly as they could and found the two of you"

I remained silent after her explanation, and during it. It couldn't be true… that… this… this was over 300 years in my future? That was beyond impossible… it was more than that!

Then something else caught my attention.

"Someone's lungs were removed?" I half yelled.

"Yes, unfortunately; thankfully the doctor has come up with a temporary solution but for now we're in a pursuit course of the other vessel to retrieve them in hopes to keep him alive and return his mobility"

"He can't still be alive though…" I trailed off quite seriously.

"Thankfully he is, the doctor created a pair of holographic lungs to temporarily solve the problem but we don't know exactly what's going to happen considering that's an unprecedented case… much like yours"

I didn't bother questioning how it might work, what mattered was it obviously did. Besides, I probably wouldn't understand it anyway!

"I realize that it's a lot for you to take in for the moment but…" she was cut off as another voice sounded through the room, I couldn't place it though. Some strange walky-talky though probably… I remember having them as a little kid to keep in contact with my best friend and next door neighbour before he moved away.

"Captain, we've completed our diagnostic on the alien device" I heard a woman's voice say.

"I'm on my way" she replied quickly, standing up and beginning to walk towards the door, motioning for me to follow her out to the bridge again. She began talking to a woman, and another man talking about some sort of device. I didn't exactly follow but I highly doubt I was expected to. What I did understand was that she was saying that they were designed to tell you about the anatomy of a person, including the DNA.

"Captain" another man interrupted, catching my attention as well. The tattoo on the side of his face really was the part that caught my attention. "The alien ship's dropped out of warp, heading for a large asteroid"

"On screen" she ordered, and I both confused and amazed as the image of a ship heading towards the large asteroid. That was a really cool TV screen. Or at least that's what I thought it was, I was going to prove that this was nothing but an illusion soon enough. Something just wouldn't fit soon enough.

Hearing them speak about how this asteroid was probably made and they couldn't 'scan' the inside of it I didn't really care, though I was grateful that this 'asteroid' and this so called 'creature' or whatever were taking the attention off of me.

There were times and places for attention, now wasn't one of them!

"Red alert" I heard her say and suddenly the lights seemed to darken, a beeping and flashes of light showing vaguely what was happening inside the ship along with the lights from all the electronic equipment around us. "Mr Paris lay in a course"

**A/N: Horrible cliff hanger I know because we all know what happens but over time the cliff hangers will have more to do with Val. I'm just still trying to set this up so please excuse this, and thanks to both CallHerVictor and Liberty Girl In the Sky for reviewing so feedback and critiques are welcome, have fun. **

**FaelwenofLothlorien**


	3. Mind Palace

Chapter 3: Mind Palace  
Valerie's POV:

Everything was tense; dark and tense. To be honest I didn't like it at all. We'd gone inside of the asteroid as Kathryn had ordered and everyone else seemed fairly calm, maybe slightly paranoid with weapons and shields but not the almost jumping around, we're gonna die fidgety paranoid I was by now.

It didn't help that nothing said was in plain English, and no one bothered to dumb it down for me.

"Sensors detect a large chamber ahead" I heard someone say, filling me with a sense of confidence. Although I knew nothing about this… so called star ship I wasn't exactly confident with it in closed spaces, especially considering if this was real, asteroids move as well, meaning that Tom would have to compensate for the Asteroid's movement as well as our own as he tried to get us through this thing.

Then we left the cavern thing, and I almost passed out. If there was something I disliked more than that cavern it was the large chamber we were in now. There were mirrors everywhere, two ships on every side of the place. Sure, we knew roughly where we were but it tricked the probably size of this chamber not to mention finding out which reflection was the other ship would be an annoying problem to solve.

I was glad I didn't have to do it!

Possibilities were thrown at each other and I couldn't help but think along. I didn't really know exactly what was happening but as soon as I heard that I couldn't help piping up. "If the ships non reflective why don't you use some sort of lighting to find it?" I asked, turning my attention to all the ships. It was like a game of hide and go seek in a room of mirrors, at one point I'd played with my friends when I was little, armed with nothing but a small lazar light to attempt to find anyone of the others, if not all of them.

It definitely kept all of us entertained for hours and that was the same to this concept. I saw the captain look speculatively at me before smiling slightly, looking at the guy with the actually rather cool tattoo.

"Do it" she ordered. Soon enough they'd found it, a zoom in on the thing on the screen in what seemed to be a large web that reminded me awfully of all those spy movies… or the ones about thieves. "Mr Paris, bring us within transporter range of that ship"

"Aye Captain" I looked at the familiar blonde, smiling slightly. Sure I barely knew him but he was probably the friendliest person I knew on this ship. That fact startled me slightly because I did feel slightly calmer with him around, the confidence of him, yet he was one of the people behind all of this.

I watched the Captain moving towards the "turbo-lift" and looked cautiously beginning to move. "You stay here on the bridge, Chakotay keep an eye on our guest" she said to the man who's tattoo I accidentally kept staring at.

"So your name is Chakotay?" I asked trying to make conversation with someone, he only looked at me speculatively causing me to unconsciously run my hand through my hair still I reached the bun, realising that my hair was overly messy and still in the bun from school. I didn't take it out though.

"Yes I am" he stated, not saying anything else leaving me to feel rather awkward. They were about as sure what to make of me as I did about them. The distrust I felt coming off him might as well have been solid, the tension possible to cut through with a knife. Sighing, I began internally singing a song to myself, something to keep me temporarily distracted whilst Kathryn interrogated the… whatever they were. I didn't like doing nothing so I sat down, accessing my 'mind palace'.

In theory all a mind palace is, is an imaginary house or in my case I did build myself a palace, people say it had to do with my ego, I didn't see it that way though. Whenever you enter this mind palace, you can drop things off, little thoughts. In theory it means you can never forget anything, the only problem is finding the information that you've deposited.

So I walked into the hallway of mine, closing my eyes to focus myself as I pictured the beginning corridor, dropping a list with all the words I'd need to define and things I'd promised myself to learn later, and subtle hints of what was going on before I allowed myself to return back to 'the bridge'.

To solve this analytical thinking would have to do, so I looked at Chakotay, locking eyes with him. The uniform he wore was red, a commanding officer from what I'd seen so far, and there was a badge, probably a form of ranking… I wasn't sure what to make of it though. The tattoo also made no sense… but the look in his eyes. He'd seen a lot, probably violence and death along with others. The haircut confused me though, it wasn't exactly a military hair cut which was something I'd perceived from the uniform. I'd question that later.

So far what I knew; Chakotay, male, unmarried, in his late 30's early 40's and was of native American descent, probably a high ranked officer in some sort of military thing.

I didn't like how little that was!

No matter how often I tried over the minutes that passed I couldn't get anything more from him, not a single trace of an emotion besides unease and distrust, and definitely no information. I felt like throwing my hands in the air and screaming in frustration.

But that would once again draw their attention towards me and probably lead to an interrogation of some sorts.

The doors to the turbo lift opened, revealing Kathryn once again here. "Mr Paris, continue on our course, Miss Chase please come with me" she said walking towards her ready room again. Pushing myself up I followed obediently without saying anything. There was no point in arguing this. Sitting myself down I watched her pace back and forth a couple of times. "Have you given thought to your current predicament Valerie?"

"I think that I understand it quick well Kathryn, though there are little gaps" I said bluntly. I looked her over much like I did Chakotay earlier but like with him I got nothing much. I did however note the different pins, and immediately realised the more you had the higher your position on this ship seemed to be. She was also unmarried though, probably in her thirties. I couldn't shake the frustration I felt as getting nowhere with this!

"Understandable. I can hardly drop you off on a planet here in the Delta quadrant and leave you, like any of my other crew members. It seems you were brought here by a rather… unique phenomena so until such a time we can explain it or reverse it I believe it would be in your best interests to remain on Voyager while we continue on our way to Earth"

"That depends, am I a 'crew member', guest or a prisoner?" I asked scathingly.

"A crew member, with all the privileges that belong to any of the others though we'll have a meeting tomorrow morning at 0900 hours with senior members or crew to see where we can place you, in the mean time" she tapped the badge on her uniform. "Tuvok, please assign Miss Chase to one of the crew quarters for now"

**A/N: Hey guys, I hoped you liked this chapter I'm hoping to have posted the next one possibly the next two also today so, loved it or hated it I'd like to hear from you guys.**

**Thanks!**


	4. Discussing my Fate

Chapter 4: Discussing my Fate  
Valerie's POV:

The quarters I was in were apparently the same as any crewmember of the rank Ensign, whatever that meant, meaning I was sharing a room with another person, a woman who I'd found out was called Samantha, but she immediately told me she preferred Sam. Laughing I'd told her that I do preferred Val over my full name, a term she agreed to.

Now was different from the relaxation of last night, and of learning about Voyager and the rest of the crew, which left me with the unsettling feeling that this was real, not just some stupid prank they were trying to pull.

So I stood slightly nervous in front of the briefing room, hearing one of the so called 'combadge' which was what I'd thought of yesterday were walky-talkies. "Send her in Ensign"

"I can do it myself" I told him before he moved close to me, walking in and remembering my breakfast with Sam. At least I had her wishing me good luck for this…

"Good morning" I greeted, smiling slightly at Tom and Kathryn, the two familiar figures in the room that I was happy to recognize. Chakotay I couldn't judge yet, but I'd only briefly seen the others, besides Tuvok but there wasn't really any communication between us.

"Miss Chase, as you're now a member of this crew we were currently discussing where to put you to work" Kathryn said simply looking at me, my hair now in a nice bun rather than a messy one, the bottom 3 inches of my hair safely tucked under. The multi coloured tips of strands changing between blue, turquoise and bright pink were pretty cool but were against my school's uniform code, and I wasn't sure about this 'star-fleet' uniform code.

Sam liked it though!

"And what did you decide?" I asked her, putting my hands behind my back to appear calm, though it allowed me to fidget.

"We weren't exactly sure" she stated. "That's why you're here partially; we want to know what you did, what your strengths are as such" I could've laughed at that. There was so much I could've told them, so much that wasn't real, but then again considering I was a part of history they could probably also look me up, especially with my dad.

"I can make quite accurate… deductions of people by looking at them; though I must say it's been a bit hard with some people here Ma'am. Other than that I studied psychology, my mother was a psychologist so even though I never graduated nor did I go to university I know how it works, in fact I'd always pass with flying colours because my knowledge was equivalent to a person who'd gone through uni" I stated. I watched them look at each other and rolled my eyes. "Beyond that I'm good at fighting, and I'm a good shot"

"What?" a woman in a yellow uniform asked, an engineering officer from memory, though I couldn't understand what those… lines on her forehead were.

"21st century slang for good with a gun…" Tom said trailing off and looking at me in surprise.

"My father was in the military, as was my older brother. Dad taught me how to shoot when I was about 10 years old, and had me in self defence classes since I was 5 or 6. But I can handle anything you want to throw at me, I'm a quick learner"

I could tell someone wanted to laugh.

"That's what she says but it's probably not true, she's centuries behind when it comes to technology, it will take years to train her" the same woman argued. I glared at her.

"Really? Let me show you something" I said moving over to her. Now was time for showing off, especially after that last insult. "You're a commanding officer, probably Chief Engineer, you obviously respect Chakotay a lot more than the actual captain which would make it seem you haven't been here too long… maybe something happened to your ship I'm guessing, Chakotay would've therefore either been the Captain or a rank above you. People don't like you therefore I'd say you were opposed to star fleet, Chakotay therefore has a soft spot and shows empathy whereas others are unsure about you…

The captain shows full confidence in you anyway, and her placing you in charge of engineering obviously shows you're good at what you do. Nevertheless you want to sort of defy her… not betray her no, because that would be betraying Chakotay but you don't like the rules do you? You're angry I know this suggesting a rather volatile personality. You keep yourself alert and you're always ready so you can rush off at a second's notice. You're unmarried… and single" I said, sitting myself in a spare chair.

"How did you do that?" I could hear the anger in her voice, though I didn't care anymore, I was just showing them what I could do.

"It's obvious"

"That's no answer" Kathryn said, taking the Engineer's side.

"Simple, her uniform, the pins, her hair, the way she and Chakotay communicate, and dirt under her nails" I stated, smiling up at the Captain. "My dad was in the military as I said, he taught me to notice things others didn't, and it probably saved his life in battle more than once… he used mum's patients as practise for me"

"Incredible, that's something that no human I've ever encountered can do…"

"Most human's don't use the full capacity of their brain, they notice so little and remember equally as much" I countered bluntly before smiling. "But not everyone can be like me now can they? I mean who just sit's and waits to be found as a method of getting places?"

"Captain… I think I have an idea" the male I didn't recognize said, I looked at him not bothering to try to work anything out. It took too much effort. Something I generally didn't use.

"Yes Ensign?"

"Kes has mentioned that the doctor has been complaining that he's only a supplement and required others to help him"

"Yes, that's been noted but he's decided on training Kes as a nurse"

"Yes but this ship still doesn't have a counsellor since we were dragged into the Delta Quadrant, considering that display on top of her mention of her schooling…" he trailed off.

"You're saying we should instate her as Counsellor?" she asked.

"Yes Captain"

"What do you have to say Miss Chase?" she asked me, meeting my grey eyes with hers.

"I'd be happy to" I said smiling at her. Kathryn nodded. "In that case, as stated with you being like any crew member you'll be needing this" she said, pulling out a combadge and handing it to me. "I'll also have your new quarters available to you as soon as you leave, Ensign Kim you can escort our new counsellor there considering I'll be assigning her the spare quarters on your deck, let her collect her stuff first though and I'll send someone ahead to have a new uniform replicated for you" she said, smiling at everyone. "Dismissed"

I smiled at her and found the guy who'd offered the idea of me being counsellor to Janeway standing behind me. "Are you ready?"

"Coming" I said, smiling up at him and beginning to walk, entering the turbo-lift immediately. I found myself standing in somewhat comfortable silence. "Deck 9"

"So what's your name… or should I continue to refer to you as Counsellor Chase?" he asked, causing me to laugh slightly.

"I think I'll lose it if you do" I said grinning at him. "I'm Valerie, but if you want to be nice call me Val… it's easier that way! So who are you or should I refer to you as Ensign Kim?"

"Harry" he said bluntly, obviously looking for something to say. "So how to you like it here on Voyager?"

"It's ok I guess, it still doesn't feel real though" I said as I walked out of the turbo-lift down the corridor to the room I shared with Sam. "Computer, record message send to Samantha Wildman when she enters the room. Hey Sam, I just wanted to tell you I've been promoted to counsellor, I'm getting new quarters but I'll see you soon, I promise. End message"

Smiling behind me I saw Harry looking somewhat distant, and lost in thought. Rolling my eyes I walked over to my bag that was flung over to a corner in the room. It didn't have much in it, just the stuff I'd taken to school with me really but considering I had dance that night it was still a fair bit.

"So how does it work now that I'm counsellor?"

"Well you'll be on call for people to talk to when they need help, or when they're having problems. You'll probably be given your own office to use, until then it'll probably be your quarters though"

"Ah… anything else I need to know?"

"You're officially one of the senior staff, meaning you'll be called to the bridge whenever something is going wrong" he said, smiling jokingly.

"Oh god… that means meetings like this morning right?" he nodded, laughing at the mock look of horror on my face. Only problem was I wasn't sure if it was or wasn't justified!

It didn't take long to reach my quarters, and Harry was about to walk away before I gripped onto his arm. "First things first Harry, you need to show me how everything works!"

"Alright, but first you might want to change into your star fleet uniform" he stated.

"Oh right…" I said blushing as I picked it up and walked into the bathroom, the door closing behind me. Looking into the mirror I looked at myself, for the first time in ages without a thick layer of makeup, and to be honest for once in my life I preferred it to be that way! Why would I want to be different from me?

Kicking my pants and shoes off and pulling my shirt over my jump I pulled the black pants on myself, unwillingly looking at the shirt that seemed to be half way between a turtle neck and a normal shirt but pulled it on anyway, completing it with the jacket like thing that had a blue sort of colour on the shoulders, keeping it partially unzipped as I'd seen others do. Slipping my black shoes back on my feet I walked out looking at Harry.

"It looks good on you, now you just need this" he complimented before holding up my combadge, placing it correctly without looking directly at me. "There, now you're a proper star fleet officer"

"Why thanks ensign" I teased, before putting a serious expression on my face "Now, tell me how do these things work anyway?"

He just laughed, launching into an explanation.


	5. A Chinese Curse

Chapter 5: A Chinese Curse  
Valerie's POV:

"Counsellors Personal log, star date 48546.2; it's been 2 weeks since I arrived on Voyager, and right now to be honest I've rapidly lost hope in returning home to my family, and I've given up on this being a prank. Not that it matters much anymore. I find myself… accepting, and rather accepted. Perhaps this was what was meant to happen, why else would I be here? This crew is starting to become my family and they're closer to me than most of my friends.

Anyway I think I'll need to ask the Captain for a uniform waver, I have a feeling that everyone feels a bit too formal when they're talking to the counsellor while she's in star fleet uniform. For now at least I find myself relaxing, since I arrived nothing big has happened. Still I can't help suspecting something will happen. Computer, end log" I told it, smiling as I closed my eyes, retreating into my mind palace and placing my uniform on the table in what was theoretically a living room.

Increasing my smile I walked out of my quarters, running for the turbo-lift to finally get down to breakfast. Sam wouldn't be there, and sure Neelix' food was questionable at the best of times, but that didn't matter. We still had to eat.

"Oh, Counsellor" Neelix said, looking up at me happily.

"Val" I interrupted correcting him.

"Do you want to try the breakfast this morning? I must say it's delicious today! And rather exotic too, I hope you like it"

"Oh I'm sure I will" I lied with ease, taking the food and walking over to the table where Harry and Tom were sitting. "Morning, can I join you?"

"Sure" Tom said, shifting over. "Anything new Val?" he asked innocently.

"No, besides the fact that I have a feeling that this cooking is slowly poisoning us" I joked taking my first mouthful. They laughed slightly watching me take another slow mouthful of what was apparently 'breakfast'.

"That's not exactly new though"

"Oh well?"

"Gentlemen and Counsellor" a female voice, who I quickly identified as the captain said, acknowledging me afterwards. I watched the other two begin to rise and felt obliged to do the same. It was simple etiquette which was in theory vital in case we ever got back and I ever decided to resume a career in star fleet.

"As you were" she said, Tom and Harry looked confused but I didn't bother. I was just happy that I was allowed to sit and continue eating… even if it was disgusting… "So has Neelix concocted anything interesting this morning?" as soon as she asked I snickered slightly, pointing towards the… greenish stuff that I was eating and saw the look of understanding clearly written on her face.

"There's an ancient Chinese curse, Captain: "May you live in interesting times". Mealtime is always interesting, now that Neelix is in the kitchen" Harry stated and I couldn't help but nod fully in agreement.

"I'm considering resigning from being counsellor to replace him as a chef captain!" I proclaimed honestly causing her to laugh.

"Unfortunately we need out counsellor, otherwise I'd consider it. But we shouldn't judge him too harshly, he's helping reserve replicator energy…"

"And I'm sure the gastrointestinal problems will go away as soon as our systems get used to his… uh… gourmet touch" Tom added, laughing as he folded up his napkin putting it on his tray. I forced myself not to laugh.

"I guess I'll see you three at duty call" she said, walking away.

"We should've asked her to join us" Harry said suddenly, watching her walk away.

"Ensigns don't invite captains to sit down" Paris said bluntly, as if reciting some unspoken rule.

"What about counsellors?" I asked trying not to look as if I were slightly annoyed. He gave me a scolding look. "Fine why not?"

"Because they don't"

"What's wrong with a little courtesy?" Harry asked him.

"Not to mention the fact that it's called being nice, and Tom… saying because they don't would cause you to lose any debate if you were ever on a team, it doesn't work… it's not a valid point nor an excuse to anything!"

Tom sighed slightly, running his hand through his hair, "Captains don't want courtesy. They want respect. That's why they don't get chummy with the lower ranks"

"Well who else is there Tom? Do you want her to be in isolation? Friendships and bonds keep all humans sane, it's part of a tribal nature. Human's have always moved in groups, tribes or packs if that's what you prefer to call them" I stated. "And if you aren't going to try to include her in anything, I will do you know why? Because she chose to keep me on this ship, and she chose to be nice when others would've questioned me. And she took you from prison so I think you owe her a lot too, _lieutenant_"

Staring at him icily we locked eyes. He was confident in himself; I had to give him that.

"I know that, but it just doesn't happen Val If she wants to sit with us, she'll ask us to join her. That's the way it's done"

"You're working from an old rule book Paris" Harry said bluntly, looking down at his food. Pushing mine away from me I refused to sit in the stony silence.

"Look guys, just do me a favour, try to be nice to her and include her in the occasional thing. My guess is she's trying to be a good captain, but she still doesn't know whether it's best to be distant as their taught, or close like she should for this situation. This is something Star Fleet doesn't train people for" I said to them both and I saw them look at me like I was slightly insane. "Speaking of which, I have a uniform waver to inquire about"

Grinning at the two boys I stood up, ruffling Tom's hair as I skipped down the stairs to find Kathryn asking about her prized coffee. I could tell she was upset by the lack of it. It was rather amusing to be honest!

Soon enough I heard Chakotay's voice over combadge, Kathryn's relief was really amusing to be honest. The look on her face really said it all.

"Captain?" I asked walking beside her to the turbo-lift.

"Yes Counsellor?"

"I was wondering if you'd grant me a uniform waver, a bit like how Kes has one. I was reading through Star Fleet records and saw that a woman called Deanna Troi, also a counsellor just on the Enterprise had a uniform waver much like Kes does. Besides, I think that my patients are having trouble opening up partially because of how… formal it seems. If I had it private in either my quarters or office, at least in semi-casual duty attire I'd be more a friend and more relaxing to be around than just another officer" the smile on her face grew and she patted my shoulder slightly.

"Permission granted counsellor, it's good to see that you've begun to settle down to life aboard Voyager, at the beginning I was quite worried"

"Well it show's you care about your crew captain, though I insist that one of these days you come through my door and talk to me, you've got a lot on your mind. I can tell"

"One of these days" she said laughing.

"Before you're lying on your death bed I mean"

"Alright, alright" I rolled my eyes at the statement. Chances were she was going to ignore the way I told her to come to my office, but that didn't matter. I'd get her eventually. Then I'd get her to open up about all this and try to integrate her in with her own crew. She definitely needed friends out here, I was just lucky I already had a few!

Tuning out I went into my little mental palace, discarding the Star Fleet uniform through the closest window. A window leading to nothing, space that remained unexplored, a place that would remain forever stable, and forever down and across to nothing but blankness, everything out there was what I didn't need. All the memories I chose to overwrite and therefore slowly forget.

It was a rather… effective way to manage it.

"Senior bridge officers, report for duty. Commander, set a new course. There's coffee in that nebula" I heard her say and looked up grinning. If there was energy and we could get it we'd have more energy to waste and less of Neelix' home cooking! She exchanged a short sentence with Chakotay before turning to me, a worried look on her face. "You're closer to the crew than I am; how bad is it?"

"Well Captain… I'd say they're sad about losing their families, most of them finally realise the situation that they're in and the possibility they won't see their family again before they die or vice versa, or that they won't see their kids grow up. It's a fairly normal reaction to something like this though" I explained smiling at her. "And I doubt that you're exempt from that Kathryn"

As more orders rang throughout the bridge I sat myself down, watching the nebula on the screen in front of me. It was beautiful, that was undeniable. Even in our lovely documentaries in astronomy classes in school it looked nothing like it did in real life, sure there it was unreal but here it was more so, despite the fact that it was there. Getting the energy from the centre of this nebula would be interesting to say the least, the amount of things we'd probably see…

I laughed aloud to myself, giving an innocent look to the captain that clearly said; don't question my sanity.

**Hey guys, just want to say thanks for reading. Love it or hate it you can tell, and I also don't mind any suggestions!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien**


	6. Modern Slang

Chapter 6: My 'modern' Slang  
Valerie's POV:

Thinking about things I folded my hands in my lap before moving them back to the sides of my chair. Apparently my position as counsellor put me on a chair on the other side of the Captain from her first officer, I wasn't exactly complaining about that though.

"I've never seen anything like it" Harry suddenly said aloud, obviously musing his thoughts to all of us, in fact I doubted that anyone had ever seen anything like it. I couldn't help but smile at the look of wonder on his face, probably a bit like mine. The captain looked too curious, and others looked a mix of that same emotion and curiousness, except Tuvok, as expected.

I'd have to talk to him.

And no, I don't really give a damn if he's a Vulcan or not. He was going to talk to me, and rant like all the others, and then he'd listen to any advice I had to give or at least to what I had to say. Honestly, I don't care if coming to my office kills him inside, he'll do it. I don't have patience to deal with this whole emotionless annoying everyone thing he's got going on… even if he was one of the most trusted officers on board…

"Density's increased to 42%" I heard Tom say and I looked at him curiously. At the moment no one on this bridge understood what was going on, which was good because it made me feel less… blonde to be honest!

I was shaken out of my musings as the ship suddenly seemed to crash. It felt like an earthquake was rippling through it and embarrassingly enough, I'd fallen off my chair landing on the ground with nothing to catch myself on.

"We're at a dead stop now" Tom said, obviously confused. Everyone was confused. From my position on the ground I looked up at whatever the purple thing on the screen was, looking around the room in confusion and seeing the glance Harry shot me. In that second I felt a hand on my arm, looking up to see Chakotay.

"Are you alright counsellor?" he asked politely, helping me up.

"I'm just peachy"

"Peachy?"

"Slang in my time for I'm really well" I said with a grin, seeing the confused look on his face clear up in a look of understanding. It was really amusing. He shouldn't worry; I tended to have that effect on people on board!

Except Tom… he found it cool…

Back to the present I watched as the nebula of… purple clouds that I'd found so pretty opened up as we forced ourselves through, the inside looked like normal space… if you didn't count the specks of blue and green light kind of things that seemed to be everywhere around us!

"What do you make of it, Mr. Tuvok?" Kathryn asked him, showing how she'd obviously never encountered anything like it before, so my eyes shifted over to Tuvok, who himself seemed quite confused.

"I am unable to offer an identification captain" he said, continuing to look at the screen, before his glance shifted across the room and he began whispering. My eyes followed his gaze over to Harry, who seemed busy at work with a sort of… annoyance on his face as he began tapping on his screen pretending nothing ever happened.

"Captain, the breach we just make when we penetrated the field… well it just closed behind us" Tom's voice interrupted my thoughts, causing me to look curiously. The wall of… whatever we just went through had closed itself again… I wasn't an expert but to be honest I was kind of expecting something like that to happen. It was a good thing I kept my mouth shut because from that I could tell that it wasn't normal…

Soon enough the ship started shaking, being attacked by those… bluey things. Honestly I'd say that I was less happy about this situation than the previous one with the so called Vidiians, not because I wasn't involved because they assumed that's how I got here, but more because they were actually somewhat aware of what was going on!

Which obviously made me seem stupid before but looking back on it has obvious advantages. The lights went down, a flashing red light going throughout the bridge, and my guess was the whole ship, not to mention the annoyingly loud alarm.

Wouldn't it make more sense to turn the lights up when you're under attack?

"Are we under attack?" I heard Kathryn ask someone, before Tuvok responded.

"Uncertain, There is no indication of directed fire." Because that little snippet of information was _so_ useful… just what everyone needed to know at this moment in time.

I listening partially as they spoke about an energy drain, wasn't it ironic that the one thing that we came here for was causing us to lose energy? To be honest I doubt we'll ever eat anything other than Neelix' cooking for a long time now!

"Stand down red alert" Kathryn ordered, and I couldn't help the thanks that echoed in my head as the blaring of that alarm continued to echo in my head, thankfully slowly fading into a nice silence. "Take us to 2,000 kilometres off the perimeter and hold position and get a sample of that matter off the hull for Lieutenant Torres to analyse. I'd like to know what it was that humbled every defence system on this ship. How much of our energy reserves did we lose, Ensign?"

"11% captain" Harry replied without missing a beat.

"I'm just gonna have to give up coffee. That's all there is to it" Kathryn said, and I couldn't help but laughing as she turned around to look at me.

"I think most of the members of this crew are for a little while ma'am" I said innocently smiling, trying to control the laughter that was threatening to burst out. "I know I am"

"You drink coffee?" she asked speculatively.

"I've been drinking it for about 14 years" I said grinning at Kathryn.

"14 years… how old were you when you started?"

"I was three, my grandma said she raised all her children and other grandchildren on coffee and they were fine. My parents agree but I think all my friends don't" as I spoke Kathryn looked at me in shock, coffee generally wasn't given to little kids for a reason. For one it's not good for them, and for two it makes them quite… hyperactive.

Thankfully I was just never a really hyperactive child, so it brought me out of my shell without destroying my house!

"Well, I have to check up on one of the crew members I promised to visit some time because I haven't gotten around to her in the past two weeks but call if we're under attack again" I said standing up and stretching before I bent over touching the ground with my hands flat once, walking over to the turbo-lift.

"Deck 9" I said again, like I'd only done once two weeks ago. I'd felt comfortable there though, in a room with Sam. Walking along the corridor I hadn't seen since then I walked to the door, hearing the annoying door bell.

"Who's there?" I heard the semi-familiar voice. Despite only really knowing her for one night, and the occasional meals we had together (or holodeck programs, she was really helpful in teaching me how it works!) I hadn't seen her too often, and no matter how much I'd promised I hadn't seen her as a patient yet, though that was hard to tell a friend now wasn't it?

But with only two weeks under my belt how was I supposed to get through 141 crew members? I'm not magical here!

"Valerie" I called back through the door, watching it open up immediately. Walking in I saw Sam smiling, sure, I had an office but for this occasion I preferred just coming to her. It was definitely a surprise visit! "Hey Sam"

"Val, it's good to see you!"

"Likewise… how are you?" she asked me and I couldn't help grinning.

"How couldn't I be? I spend ages in meetings and on the bridge with a comfy chair and lovely quarters, and then work with everyone else as well! How are you going?"

Sam laughed and I couldn't help but notice she was distracted. For now I wouldn't question it all too much so I sat down on a chair.

"Well you know, it's a bit strange I guess… nothing too interesting lately" she joked and I saw the slight sadness in her eyes.

"You miss your family… your husband" I said, trying to smile comfortingly at her as I placed my hand on her arm to try to show her that she had my support. Seeing the tears in her eyes I took that as a yes.

"I just… I don't know Val… I miss him but do they think we're gone? Forever that is? What if he remarries or has kids?" I let her rant as she hugged me. Sam was definitely going through more things than she'd like to admit to anyone, including me even though I suspected I was her closest friend on board… besides maybe Neelix and Kes.

"It's ok Sammy; we'll get through all of this together. And you don't know whether that will happen… you still have hope we'll get back to the Alpha quadrant don't you?" I asked, pausing and watching her head nod slightly. "Then he might still have hope that we'll come back too. He might be waiting for you"

**A/N Hey it's me again… I'm updating this quicker than ever… by this rate there might be another chapter but I'm happy to hear any constructive criticism you might have, advice, ideas or thoughts really. I hope you liked the chapter, I'm trying to introduce Sam earlier so it seems that she and Val are quite close so sorry if she seems a bit ooc but there isn't really much about her… I've been looking everywhere!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	7. Tom's So Called Surprise

Chapter 7: Tom's so called Surprise  
Valerie's POV:

Waking up I heard my door open, and fighting the urge to look up I pretended to be asleep like my dad always told me when I was little. Light was shining in my face up but I forced the urge to move too much, forcing myself to groan as I pulled my blanket above my head. A movement small enough to pass as being asleep… or at least half asleep!

My bed moved slightly, leaving me to calculate where the person was standing. Launching myself up I grabbed the intruder, using surprise as an advantage to twist and push whoever it was onto my bed pinning them down. Hair fell down on them, but I could still recognize who it was, breathing heavily below me.

"Tom?"

"Hey Val…" he said looking up at me, I didn't bother moving, not even when I heard snickering.

"What on Earth are you doing in here? Wait… how did you get in here?" I asked him, trying to convey my annoyance at the situation of being woken up before necessary with no one dying and no real intruder.

"I have something I wanted to show you and Harry" he said as if it were obvious. "And you'd be amazed at what you can learn in prison"

"Why didn't you just knock?" I asked in dismay, pulling myself off him as I heard Harry laughing slightly at the sight. I was just glad I had gone to bed in something more than my underwear!

"I told you it wouldn't go too well" Harry said to Tom, who only cast him a shut up look and sighed. Grabbing the new clothes Sam and I had replicated for me I sighed walking into the bathroom to pull it on, running my hands through my hair as I tried to remember the dream I was having.

I couldn't.

Ignoring the bad feeling in my stomach I looked at myself in the mirror, realising that my combadge was still outside. Rolling my eyes at the excuses that were popping up in my head (multiple of which included raging about the time of morning or night) and walked out, smiling at the strange feeling that my hair was out, down the mid of my back.

It was quite relaxing to be honest, until I realised that Harry and Tom had just decided to make themselves at home in my quarters turning the lights on full. As soon as I walked out they looked up at me, and obviously noticed the ends of my hair.

Though I would've expected Tom to notice while I was on top of him… it just proved that he was rather unobservant. Pinning my combadge back to my clothes I smiled at the two.

"So what's so necessary for you to show us?" I questioned, seeing Tom smile and stand.

"I'm glad you asked Val… nice hair by the way" he added winking and I couldn't help the grin that spread on my face. I was definitely happy here, as I stated back in the 21st century, with these freaks I call friends.

Harry and I followed him, and the attention turned off my hair and to an eye mask that Harry wore to bed even when it was pitch black. I couldn't help laughing slightly.

"Why on Earth do you wear an eye mask in pitch black to sleep?" I asked him with a grin. "I always found them… annoying, restrictive, itchy and uncomfortable just to name a few things…"

"MacAllister. James Mooney MacAllister. The guy never slept. He'd be studying his algorithms until dawn and the only way I could get any sleep was to wear a mask" Harry explained, obviously reminiscing about this Star Fleet academy. Obviously never having gone there I couldn't understand how they felt about it but they all seemed to like it, and from what I'd heard from those that had come from there they all seemed to like this Boothby guy, a gardener or something.

"You could've changed roommates" Tom suggested.

"Are you kidding? MacAllister got me through fourth year quantum chemistry" I couldn't help but laugh again at Harry's reasoning. It sounded like me being close friends with a boy called Alex, he'd gotten me through math through all my years. All I did was copy his answers in class but somehow my brain picked up what was happening and even in exams I'd get good results and stay in top classes…

Same went for science, geography and computer studies while I did it. Let's just say that didn't last long, within one semester I'd transferred to a dance class instead! And I'd dropped geography at the first possible opportunity!

"I got used to wearing it though, something about it that reminds me of being in the womb" he continued to explain leaving both Tom and I looking at him speculatively. I nodded at Tom, a clear sign that I was too confused and tired to bother and he could argue this point for all I cared, and he took the opportunity.

"Harry, in order to be reminded of something, you have to first..."

"I remember being in my mother's womb"

"Of course you do" I said, making sure that I was going to have a talk with him as well some time. Or the doctor to see if that was in any way shape or form possible for any species in existence!

"I do. So what is it you've got to show us?" Harry asked Tom as we stood in front of the holodeck. Multiple things raced through my mind but something told me quite clearly that it probably had to do from around my era through to maybe World War 1. If he went beyond me being 12 I wouldn't be able to explain a thing probably!

"Nothing that's gonna compare to that memory of your mother's womb. Computer, activate holodeck program Paris 3" he said, taking a step back and motioning Harry and I through. Looking questioningly at the gleeful look on his face I almost chickened out but I kept walking, Harry close behind me.

It didn't look too daunting. A building with wood down the bottom and stones up the top, and soon enough we saw a sign that said 'Chez Sandrine à Marseilles'. French… why would there be French in this program?

A laughing man walked out of it, knocking me out of the way and into Tom and I looked at him dubiously. He just shrugged and looked at the holo-character that just continued walking away. When we walked in I felt like just sitting and hitting my head against a table repeatedly. Why hadn't I thought it would be some sort of bar.

Looking at the pool table I smiled. All sorts of greetings flew in the air for Tom as soon as we entered, I didn't bother to note who said what.

"What do you two think?"

"A little old fashioned in my opinion, but nothing wrong with that" I replied teasingly, but it really was.

"What is it, a French bistro?" Harry asked, questioningly but seemingly confident, something that surprised me considering his usual shyness!

"This is where I spent most of my second semester at the Academy. I chose the Starfleet base outside of Marseilles for my physical training. I always had a thing about the French" Tom said happily.

"Moi aussi" I responded, laughing slightly. I'd done an exchange program for France when I was younger, not really with my parent's approval but they paid for it anyway. It was only for a semester anyway and most of the French I'd learnt while I was there I'd forgotten anyway!

"And the French always had a thing about you, Monsieur Thomas. And with a name like Paris and a face like that, how could anyone resist?" one of the holo-characters said, kissing Tom. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. I knew Tom was a bit cocky and a bit of a player but resorting to flirting and so on with a hologram?

"Sandrine, these are my friends Harry Kim and Valerie Chase"

"Oh… enchante" the blonde woman said holding her hand out to Harry, probably expecting him to kiss it while he only shook it awkwardly.

"Pleasure to meet you" I responded forcing a smile on my face. To be honest I found this a bit creepy but that probably didn't matter too much. Tom at least enjoyed it, and to quite seriously from my knowledge of him and woman, it didn't surprise me that it did.

"Sandrine owns the place. It's been in her family over 600 years" Tom continued to explain as my eyes wandered this so called French bistro. He'd never clarified what it was so I was going to base it off of the closest guess that I had!

"Tommy? It's about time, I've been waiting for you" I heard another female voice say, seeing a youngish brunette and watching as Tom began leading us over to her, I was slightly embarrassed to realise that her accent reminded me of something, and thinking about it I thought of home. Being newly accustomed to Voyager's accents I couldn't help the thought of how weird that accent sounded, and hoped that I didn't sound like that when I spoke!

"This is Ricky, I include her in all my holo-programs" Tom explained to us as we slowly walked past the pool table, and walked over to her. I didn't really register the greeting between her and Harry, but I noticed as soon as Tom walked over and this 'Ricky' wrapped her arms around him, kissing him like Sandrine had.

Seeing Sandrine walk over I watched as she stood behind them as Ricky and Tom were making out, obviously getting involved, insulting Ricky from what I heard. Still, I tried not to pay too much attention to what was happening.

The look she gave Ricky was enough to see the annoyance, and I watched as she detached herself from Tom and turned, wrapping her arms around Harry.

If this was what he wanted to show me he could get lost. I didn't care, why me of all people I didn't understand. Harry I might, considering he was single, over legal age and was a male, probably enjoying this despite being slightly more awkward than Tom was but I wasn't like that.

And I wasn't going to watch my friends getting it on with holo-characters. Glaring at the two men I turned head on heel, doubtful that they even noticed as I walked out of the tavern, ignoring the complaints of the other men. My name was called. It was definitely Harry's voice, but I heard Tom's soon after.

Running I moved into a small alley way, pressing myself against a wall. Waiting for about 5 minutes was hell, my muscles were tense, aching to finally move but I wouldn't let them. Instead I gripped to the stones of the wall to keep still.

As soon as I was sure it was clear and they'd gone back to that 'bistro' I ran down the street that led out of the holo-deck, running straight back to my room and straight to bed, only kicking my shoes off before curling up under my blanket, trying my best to fall asleep.

**A/N Hey Guys, in this I'm just trying to convey her distaste for that kinda stuff (because I had to put that in) not to mention how she feels about them as her friends so, again, if you have any ideas of any sort like pairing, or general ideas of what should happen or critiques I'd be happy to hear them, I hope you guys are liking the story!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien**


	8. Reminiscing Hangovers

Chapter 8: Reminiscing Hangovers  
Valerie's POV:

I was woken up fairly early in the morning by the stupid alarm that went off, but I went along with it anyway, preparing myself for this… wonderful day. Well that's if this turned out as well as I was hoping it would. After last night I'd had my fingers crossed we'd have a day without any big… instances I guess you could say. Not that that was likely considering they were still investigating whatever it was that attacked us but that wasn't my concern.

Yet.

When things blew out of hands and crew concern rose extremely it would be my problem, or when I was summoned to the bridge in case we went back.

Pulling myself up to the mirror I brushed my hair back, instead of a bun I brushed it all to one side, grabbing a grip of the bench top in my lovely bathroom. Placing the grip in my hair I grabbed hair spray, adding a generous amount before combing any of the more… resistant hair back into place like I wanted it.

Brushing the rest to what I pinned nicely with the grip I grabbed it twisting it before I lay it up on my head like I'd done many times before adding bobby pins to hold it and tucking the ends it, looking at a nice French twist that I attacked with more hairspray and combing through it again.

Looking in the mirror I found myself questioning myself again, looking over to the makeup kit that I kept in here. With a slight sigh I found myself reaching for the mascara, slowly putting it on my eyelashes until I was sure that they appeared about twice as long and much thicker than usual, grabbing the eyeliner and applying a bit under my eye as well, smudging it slightly.

What could they expect? I was still a teenage girl, almost an adult in my own right. I'm allowed to make myself look pretty if I want to. Honestly, if I were at home I'd be attending parties thrown by my 'friends' over the weekends, wasting away precious study time by staying out late with the occasional parties where they'd gotten alcohol.

Waking up with a killer hangover was the only problem, especially considering my parents never showed any kind of pity for that sort of thing. In fact they'd go out of their way to make sure that my life was hell as long as the hangover lasted; banging pots and pans 'accidentally' while putting the dishes away, making sure all the curtains were open, or lights were on and that my sunglasses were well hidden, and the coffee machine mysteriously 'broken'.

Lovely parent's right?

They'd even laugh at me whenever I flinched, talking really loudly when I was nearby and all that sort of stuff. But I saw why they did it. After the first couple of times when they'd done nothing I ended up drunk a lot, a number that significantly lowered as soon as they started that.

But enough with the past! Nothing can change that anymore. Smiling, rather satisfied with myself, at the reflection of myself I took a breath, walking out of my quarters and to the 'lovely' breakfast awaiting me.

"Computer, what's my next appointment for today?" I questioned trying to just stay 'calm' or at least as much as I could. Between walking down corridors, my previous 4 appointments (all of which lasted an hour) and running to avoid certain people I'd definitely been quite active today.

"You have no more appointments for today" it replied in a monotone that was strangely usual.

"No more appointments?" I asked rhetorically. "I thought I had a full schedule for today though… what happened to that schedule computer?"

"Ensign Jetal, Ensign Seska and Lieutenant Ayala had cancelled their appointments"

"Why?"

"That is unknown" the computer responded. I sighed, swinging myself around on my chair rather unsure of what I should actually do know that my busy schedule had melted away into… well nothing really! It was comforting to know that 3 centuries in the future they still had swivelling chairs; I mean what would I do without mine?

They were oddly comforting… at least as comforting as chairs can get. Jumping slightly I heard the doorbell chime thing go off and looked suspiciously at the door. Taking a second I took my legs off the side of my chair sitting normally to stop spinning.

"Come in?" I asked keeping my eyes on the door. The door slid open making the familiar sliding crossed with buzzing sound. Looking up I saw a familiar blonde walk in and sighed slightly. "What do you want Paris?"

"You are the counsellor aren't you Val?" he asked innocently, though there was that trace of sarcasm in his voice.

"Yes I am… so would you like something to drink?" I asked motioning to the replicator trying my best not to think too much of how… different he was last night to how I saw him usually. He shook his head, sitting down in the chair that was meant for my… patients I guess. Moving over silently I sat down opposite him with the coffee table between us, my eyes studying him carefully.

He still had that arrogance about him but he seemed a bit distant…

"Listen Val… I'm sorry about last night" he said, looking at me. Scanning his face I looked for any signs, a twitch, eye movement anything that would point that out to be a lie. I found nothing.

"Why?"

"I didn't mean to offend you or anything… I just wanted to show you and Harry a good time!" he explained a smile on his face.

"You think watching my best friends making out and being hit on by holographic characters would be fun for me? Especially holographic characters programmed to be nothing but prostitutes!"

"Val there were men there as well…" he trailed off as he saw my glare. "Look I didn't think it through, I just wanted to share my little piece of home with you two! And those characters aren't just prostitutes…"

"You've programmed them to hit on any men, and be completely willing to kiss or sleep with you even if they see you with another woman! Not to mention challenge said woman, make her feel uncomfortable and use others to make you 'jealous' which would fail anyway considering you view them as fun and nothing more! And I'm a 17 year old Tom! I may have had sex before but that doesn't mean that I want to jump every living man, especially not a hologram!" my voice raised to screaming by the last word.

"Valerie I said I was sorry… look at least understand that it wasn't Harry's fault"

"I know it's not Harry's fault, Harry had nothing to do with it!"

"Then why are you giving him the same treatment as your giving me?" he asked, yelling back at me for once. I fell silent, my eyes meeting his.

"I may have overreacted" I said calmly, pulling myself into a nicely composed state.

"May have? That's not even questionable, you overreacted Val, at least admit that to yourself, but this isn't worth giving us the cold shoulder is it?" I stayed silent. "For crying out loud Val your acting like a child!"

"I'm not a child!" I yelled at him.

"Well you're acting like one!"

"Only because you are Tom Eugene Paris, I mean your acting like a hormonal teenager!"

"I'm acting like a young man, whereas your just acting like a 3 year old who's upset so is giving everyone involved the silent treatment!" he yelled back at me, and I just blinked the tears out of my eyes. "You know what Valerie? I just shouldn't bother!"

I watched as he turned around, the door opened him about to storm through.

"Wait…" I managed to get out… what was I supposed to say? Sorry? I hadn't really done anything, though I should've probably accepted his apology in the first place rather than blow up at him about what was happening… what had happened rather!

"I'm sorry as well" I said, refusing to look at him. I didn't like giving apologies; it meant that I was admitting I was wrong. But my friendship with him and Harry was worth it. I couldn't lose them, not if I was going to be with them for the next 70 or so years, or until my death. I couldn't just give my friends away. Truthfully, it was the first time since I was a little girl that I needed someone there for me, no matter how much it pains me to admit it to myself.

"I'm sorry as well… I did overreact… slightly" I said, the last word barely a whisper but he laughed as he heard it, having noticed how awful my apology was. I watched him open his mouth to say something before I heard Kathryn's voice over combadge.

"All senior officers to the bridge" hearing the order I smiled at Tom, walking out of my office with him in mutual silence as we quickly made our way to the bridge to see what she had in store for us… this time!"

**A/N I know the last chapter wasn't too good but I'm hoping this one makes up for it… fingers crossed another 1 or chapters will be up by tonight ;) **

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	9. Nice nonreplicated Snacks?

Chapter 9: Nice non-replicated Snacks?  
Valerie's POV:

By the time Tom and I reached the bridge the doctor was on the screen, talking with the rest of the crew, and nodding at each other in mutual understanding I took my place next to the captain while he went to his station.

"I need to know if we did serious harm to this life form" Kathryn said to the Doctor as she answered the question he'd ask almost as soon as I'd entered the room.

"Let's see… you ran your ship through it, fired phasers at it and blew a hole in it with a photon torpedo. I'd say it's a pretty good chance that you did some fairly significant-"

Kathryn cut the doctor off by addressing the computer, telling it to put him on mute. Seeing the indignant expression on his face I shrugged. Instead of looking at the screen with the captain, Chakotay, B'Elanna and Tuvok I continued looking at the doctor, who looked quite bored at the fact that he'd been turned on mute. That or he was just used to it.

"So it seems very clear that we've severely hurt an innocent life form. How do we repair the harm we've done?" I heard her say, obviously musing. As I watched the screen I laughed slightly, seeing the doctor waving his hands rather manically trying to get the captains attention.

"Uh… captain" Paris interrupted, taking my place in telling her what was going on as I was too busy laughing at the sight to bother with pointing it out… or rather remember to point it out! As the group around the screen turned around they immediately noticed the waving doctor that stopped as soon as they looked at him curiously.

"Computer, resume audio" as soon as Kathryn said that the doctor raised his eyebrows before sarcastically responding.

"How kind of you, you may be interested to know that the analysis of the organic sample suggested this life form has the capacity to regenerate… the process may simply need a helping hand"

"Any ideas how we could stimulate regeneration?" her attention was obviously caught by the latter of what he said, despite how she'd shook her head at his use of sarcasm. To be honest the amount of human tendencies that this hologram was starting to show amused me.

"Lieutenant Torres has the answer" he said, nodding at her stiffly. Following everyone else's looks I too looked at the Klingon-human hybrid.

"I do?"

"You were the one who first observed that this life form has a nucleogenic structure" the doctor said bluntly, trying to make it as obvious for her as he could.

"If the life form has a nucleogenic structure, nucleonic radiation ought to assist its healing process. A nucleonic beam along the edges of the breach should theoretically promote regeneration" she said almost questioningly. Seeing the smile on the doctor's face I was confused as he clicked.

"Bravo" he said simply, his smile a mix between proud and smug. What would we do without him? Beyond probably die… but that didn't matter he was our hologram, and we needed him. He was definitely a part of this… complex family type thing.

"We begin at 1300 hours… dismissed" I heard Kathryn say, and looking at my watch I saw that it was only in 40 minutes. Well what could I expect? Considering my appointments had started at about 8 the fact that it was already almost 1pm why should it surprise me?

Walking up the stairs I walked over to Harry, who was already busy probably checking up on any statistics about the creature that were there from first experience that we had with it, like what sort of particles were in that… life form, and how to get around certain defences while keeping us safe at the same time.

That seemed to be the overriding job he and Tuvok usually had.

"Do you need any help Ensign?" I asked him, considering we were on the bridge talking about personal affairs wouldn't do all too much good.

"I doubt you could counsellor" he replied, keeping his eyes focused on the work that he was doing. I laughed slightly.

"It's a good thing you picked that up, I doubt I could do anything useful myself… though I am good at memorising things" I said trying to bring up something I could do, hearing the slight chuckle I smiled more.

"I thought you weren't talking to Tom and I" he said in a low voice as the nearest person moved a couple of meters away from our position. It wasn't threatening, or really laced with any remorse or anger or anything. It was just questioning, nice and neutral.

"I may have overreacted a bit… I'm… well I'm sorry about that" I said, stuttering around the word sorry, I didn't like it at all. Unless it was from someone aimed at me. He looked up at me slowly and I watched someone walk pass but he smiled and nodded. At least he accepted the apology because it would be the last one I'd be making for a while!

Hopefully…

Looking up at the screen I allowed others to hustle and bustle around until it was 1pm. The course was laid in, and I was hoping that I didn't look as nervous as I actually felt. Having the ships counsellor freaking out over something wouldn't be too good, especially as people were meant to believe I could solve all their problems for them.

"Red alert!" without hearing anything else I heard that and watched in painful silence as the lights dropped down and the annoying bleep of that emergency situation alarm went off… again. I had a sinking feeling that I'd need to get used to that sound soon enough. I ignored all the talk like I was so used to doing. It wouldn't help the nervousness that I was currently feeling about the situation. Soon enough when I learned more I might but with the ship shaking I just focused on the familiarity of the voices, of positively thinking that I was in absolutely no danger.

The red alert really wasn't helping with that!

Soon enough a new image appeared on the screen, a purple cloud with a gaping hole revealing blackness and those green lights was there. It was so beautiful it was hard to believe we were inside a living organism! Then I saw the lightning come out, hitting Voyager. It caused the ship to shake more, jerking me around in my seat in a way that I couldn't understand how others were still standing, let alone the people in engineering moving around!

There was another jerk. "Hold o-" Tom's yell was ended when the ship seemed to turn on its side, losing the gravity that held us to the ground as multiple people on the bridge fell out of their chairs. I was among them, as I fell out, rolling along the ground until I hit the wall, my head hitting shortly after my back made contact with it. Biting my lip I ignored the pain in both my head and back closing my eyes for a moment.

Jumping up I grabbed onto a pole, trying to slowly clamber back up to my chair which was in itself a rather… interesting task.

"Engineering, initiate emergency shutdown of all thrusters" Kathryn ordered as she too struggled to regain her old position as Voyager continued on its path, seeming to spiral out of control.

"Captain, the only way we can shut down all thrusters is to vent their deuterium into space. We can't afford to lose all that fuel!" Torres' voice came, sounding rather distressed, over the combadge. If things on the bridge were a sign to how things were going I couldn't imagine being anywhere else on the ship, were at most stations you had to stand and walk from one place to another.

It was a dangerous enough situation as it was, let alone not knowing when the jerk knocked you off of your feet or the ship began doing something like now.

"We have no choice… do it" she ordered as I pulled myself to my feet, throwing myself up and grabbing onto another pole. About 2 maybe 4-5 meters stood between me and my chair. Then again this was a steep slope so my guess was probably way out anyway. I heard Torres' voice again but couldn't make out what was said.

"Inertial dampers are still off-line" Tom said as he kept a grip on his… desk I suppose you could call it as he continued pressing the buttons.

"Reset IDF baseline at 300 and reinitialize" Kathryn ordered. If this were a 'normal' situation I'd be asking what the hell an IDF baseline was, let alone what it meant to put it at 300 and what that was supposed to do. Of course this wasn't a normal situation so I just had my fingers crossed whatever this was that she was planning would work.

"Field processors coming back on-line, inertial damping restored" Tom said and I felt as the ship went back to normal leaving me lying on the ground and rather annoyed. With a slight groan I pushed myself up and dusted the… well creases out of what I was wearing as I sat back down in my seat, awfully happy I didn't hit my head too hard.

I could go to sickbay later… like when it was all over and the worst injuries were treated. Hearing Harry's voice I relaxed until I heard Chakotay's and started paying attention. "I believe the optical data network is down, Ensign" he said bluntly, and opening my eyes I saw him looking at Harry.

"Yes sir, I'll get right on it" I heard him say and watched as he began tapping things on the screen, looking over I saw Tuvok and heard something about 14 injuries. Make that 15 including me you stupid computer! Of course it didn't answer to my thoughts but a girl can dream can't she?

I heard them talking about the life form we were inside of. 70 000 kilometres stood between us and the wound that we were trying to get to, and we couldn't use engines? This would certainly be lot's of 'fun'. Especially with talk of using the circulatory system to travel around it, god knows where that'd take us! And the speed was 200 KPH… we were going to die in this stupid thing. That was my final conclusion, just then I heard the doors of the turbo lift and watched Neelix walk in with a platter so I couldn't help smiling up at him, and with Kes following with another platter I laughed slightly.

"Time for refreshments there's Ailis pate, Felada onion crisps, stuffed Cardaway leave" I stood up walking over and trying one of the crisps.

"I appreciate the thought Neelix but this is hardly the time" Kathryn said, crossing her arms and looking up at him.

"As the morale officer on this ship, I insist that a break in the workload is both healthy and necessary. Go on, Mr. Vulcan. It might even help you loosen up." He rebutted, holding the platter in front of Tuvok, who ignored it and kept working. Patting the Vulcan on the shoulder he looked over at the captain offering one last thing as Tuvok continued what he was doing "or not…"

"Congrats… but when did you become Morale Officer?" I asked Neelix while I laughed, taking another crisp rather happily. They were pretty good for food standards on Voyager!

"Oh, just a few minutes ago when I sensed crew morale might be especially low. Mine certainly was. We were in a free fall at the time"

Laughing at Neelix' explanation I managed to get out, "well good luck and thanks for offering to help me!" It was true, as Morale Officer he'd be another counsellor type person, only rather than working through their problems with them he'd be there to try to cheer them up, at least temporarily… or maybe that was just my wishful thinking…

"Cooking always helps Neelix unwind" Kes explained as she offered a bit of food to Harry, who took it as I walked over taking a piece as well. Smiling at her I gave her a thumbs up as not to speak with an open mouth.

Neelix continued a rant and I laughed as he offered Tom some food, though after one look he gave a simple no. Then I heard talk about songs and my jaw dropped. I didn't sing. I just didn't like singing in public, in my room or quarters sure why not? But not in public.

"Don't push it Neelix" Kathryn said simply, eating the food he offered obviously enjoying it as I breathed a sigh of relief. At least she still had some sense despite everything else around here.

Then I saw the wound back on the screen. Slowly we ended up moving Voyager in place to try and get this right, and I couldn't help glancing nervously at the Captain… let's see how this goes…

**A/N Hey guys another chapter… longest yet I think! I hope you liked it and again all ideas and critiques are welcome =) Thanks**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	10. A Ship becomes Stitches

Chapter 10: A Ship as Stiches  
Valerie's POV:

We were in position, I didn't know how but we hadn't been attacked… yet. The pinkish beams were sent to the two sides of the wound, two quick shots in short intervals. I looked at the captain as we received the report.

"Scanners are showing the regeneration rate up only .04 %... I don't know what we can hope to accomplish if this is the best we can do… The breach may simply be too large to seal!" Torres said, and the upset look on Kathryn's face was rather obvious. In theory this was all her fault, considering she'd ordered us in and after our attack had to be more concerned with our safety… how was she supposed to know that it had been a creature.

I jumped slightly as I heard the doctors voice, relaxing when I finally saw him on the screen, and realising I missed a part I tried to focus at least on the end of what he said "-I believe a slight alteration of your treatment plan is necessary. As inspiration, I've drawn on an ancient medical technique known as a suture."

"How on Earth are we going to use stitches in a situation like this?" I asked bluntly looking up at him, and saw the smile.

"Stitches?" Kathryn asked looking at me and the doctor, who gave me a gesture to continue.

"In my time we use stitches to help things heap… a suture is basically a fine thread or some other random material that's used to surgically close wounds or join tissues in certain situations to help it… or rather allow it to heal naturally, we use stitches as a less formal word because of the sewing… but how's that going to help us in this case Doc?" I asked him.

"Your ship's energy systems are compatible with this life form's omicron particles, are they not?"

"That's right" I heard Torres' voice over combadge again, though I think all of us were rather unsure of where exactly he was going with this!

"Then it is very likely that this vessel could serve the life form's needs in much the same manner as a suture. By allowing the ship to serve as an energy conduit across the wound, the life form should be able to regenerate itself more rapidly" he stated, looking quite serious though I couldn't believe he was. How the hell was this supposed to work?

"And how are we supposed to get the ship into the wound without getting the hell beat out of us again?" Tom asked the precise question that was on my mind and I couldn't help feeling like being extremely childish and shouting my dislike, like would be normal in a class.

"That's your problem, not mine, Doctor out" he said simply, his face betraying no emotion before I remembered he was a hologram. But then again he had shown emotion before. I looked away from the screen as he disappeared, the sight of the wound back on screen. Looking at it I studied what I saw, ignoring the conversation behind me.

I had nothing useful to add about any of this. I'd known was a suture was, that was my limit. If the doctor was ever down and it was a complete emergency I might be able to go off of my basic training, but that would probably be way out of date by now!

I watched quietly as we moved forward and then turned, the green sparks at the wound catching my attention as I saw them. The ship started rocking again, causing us to bounce up and down, turning I saw that Kes and Neelix hadn't left and almost hit myself in the head as I remembered that they wouldn't have had time to leave.

Then I heard her yell, Tuvok made a comment and she ignored it. I closed my eyes with my fingers crossed. This would have to be over soon. It had to be, we couldn't be here forever.

'Unless we die' my mind added.

Then we sped away. I let out the breath I'd been holding without realising it and let my shoulder slump forward as I allowed myself to relax a little. It was officially over.

"We've cleared the central mass" Tom said and I smiled, picking myself up and beginning to walk forwards. Stretching my arms out I heard my back make a loud cracking sound, and couldn't help but sigh at the feeling. It was nice, leaving my back a bit looser than before.

"And so we survive some other random thing… how many times do you get yourself into these tricky situations Captain?" I asked jokingly, though I was thankful for the last situation as that was how they'd found me. Without that chances were I'd be dead… in fact that was a given. There was no way I could've survived!

She smiled up at me but didn't respond in front of the crew. I didn't exactly know what to do so I took my leave, walking into the turbo-lift surprised to see Harry there.

As the doors shut I smiled at him. "Going to the mess hall?" I asked him to which I saw him nod, and laughed.

"Would you like to join me?" he asked as we began walking down the corridor.

"Sure wouldn't hurt would it?" I said laughing slightly as we continued into the mess hall. "So what did you think about that… creature?"

That night I found myself at Sandrine's again, watching Tom and Chakotay playing pool with one another. Ricky was there again and once again was hanging all over Tom, rather impatient as the game wore on as Chakotay was clearly winning!

To be honest I was rooting for him though!

"Come on, Tommy… let's get outta here" she complained, glaring at me despite the fact that I wasn't even in my party clothes. I could give her a run for her money when it came to seducing guys… especially Tom… I think I knew what could get his attention already. All it would take would be some of my party clothes and a bit of makeup… maybe a song or dance to get the mood in the right setting I guess.

"Easy, honey. I'm setting the Indian up for the big hustle" he replied, trying to console the rather impatient hologram.

"But he's beating you" she whined trying to get him to move away.

"Yeah, that's exactly what he's supposed to think too" as soon as the words were out of Tom's mouth I fought back laughter, exchanging looks with Chakotay. There wasn't really a way that Tom could win this game, none that I could see at least.

The doors suddenly opened, and I glanced over to see Kathryn and Harry walking in, the latter closing the door behind them. Smiling at her I stood at attention along with everyone else as they all fell silent suddenly. Except the holograms of course, it wasn't like they were programmed to recognise her.

"As you were" she said smiling, as her eyes scanned the little bistro. "Well, this is remarkable. Mr. Kim tells me this is your doing, Mr. Paris?"

"Uh… yeah… it's just a little diversion, Captain" he said coming up with an excuse, obviously a bit nervous that she was here.

"One always knows when a woman of good breeding enters the room. Ma chérie, may I request your favourite song so that we may dance before I take you to my private felucca on the wharf and make passionate love to you" the Gigolo said getting rather close to the captain, it looked like he was about to kiss her before Tom got in the way pulling him away from her as she giggled slightly.

"Uh... I'm sorry… If I had some kind of warning that you were coming..." Tom trailed off looking at Kathryn… that was definitely the closest he got to nervous but I think everyone was surprised when she cut him off.

"You would've changed it, and I would've missed all the fun" she said with another slight giggle, I walked over smiling at Harry, a mix between thankful and happy that he showed up.

"Well the parties just getting started… though this is a bit old fashioned for my taste" I told her winking, if it was old fashioned for me I couldn't believe that this didn't just seem… ancient for them. Or maybe it did and that was part of the fun of it. I wouldn't know though, and that didn't really matter all too much.

"Paris, did you program this guy?" I heard Torres' voice call over.

"Yeah… why?" he asked looking up at her in confusion over the question. I had to admit I was curious as to why she was asking that as well but I'd figure it out soon enough.

"He's a pig, and so are you" she exclaimed stalking out of the room. The look on his face showed a mixture of confusion and probably just exasperation. Raising my eyebrows questioningly once I shook it off and decided to see what was happening as Kathryn went to play pool after asking what it was. To be honest I had a slight feeling of doubt that she'd do more than embarrass herself but something told me that she'd be good. Everyone crowded around to see how this would go.

Unfortunately for them they gave her first shot, and she already got four of the balls into the little pocket things. Harry looked awfully surprised and I just grinned at him, a gesture he returned. Then I watched a gloating Sandrine appear next to him.

I laughed at his discomfort as she moved closer, eventually kissing him as he quickly pulled away. She still had her arms around him so I decided I'd try to be his saving grace. Tapping him on the shoulder I saw him flinch slightly, unwilling to take his eyes off Sandrine in case she tried something else.

"Dance with me?"

**A/N That's all for now folks, hope you enjoyed. I'll be adding extra stuff that wasn't just plain old new takes on the episodes but I'm still planning when they come in so again, hope you liked it and plot bunnies, ideas and critiques are welcomed!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	11. Making Holograms Jealous

Chapter 11: Making Holograms Jealous  
Valerie's POV:

Harry was hesitant at first, but with the choice between accepting my offer and being most likely assaulted by the lovely holo-character otherwise called Sandrine he nodded.

"Thanks" he whispered just when we got out of ear shot, and I noticed that thankfully there was already music playing.

"No problem" I replied with a grin, tensing slightly as I felt his hand on my shoulder blade, the other entwining itself with my hand. Going along I placed my hand on his shoulder, surprised that he hadn't just put his hand on my waist like so many people thought it was supposed to be done. To make things less awkward I decided to try and start a conversation with him. "So not enjoying Miss Sandrine's company too much?"

"You could say that…" he said with an exasperated sigh, his foot moved hesitantly but mine followed, after all it was the male's job to lead. With that in mind I just relaxed, if I was tense I'd focus on the music, and not on Harry's movement. "So why are you back here?"

I should've expected that question, only last night I'd stormed out on them for showing me this yet here I was the next night, enjoying myself and trying to loosen up like the rest of them, shrugging I looked at him. "Trying to have a good time I guess… to relax for once" I said with a smile, "Plus I enjoy seeing the Captain actually communicating with you guys… she needs it"

"I thought it would be good to give her someone to talk to, besides I was just being polite" he said continuing to lead me and I couldn't help but notice the look on Sandrine's face. So, moving closer and resting my head on his shoulder for a moment I stuck my tongue out at her.

It was worth it.

Of course I saw Tom looking curiously by the next time I turned to face them so lifted my head back up. Harry didn't say much though I thought that I could see a slight red tinge at the tips of his ears, probably because of Tom though I guessed. The two of them had a type of friendship I didn't fully understand, but then again I didn't really have to, he'd probably done something.

"So how did you end up on voyager?" I asked him, trying to politely start conversation. "I doubt that you were on the Marquis ship…"

"You're right about that, I went to star fleet academy and graduated last year, this was meant to be my first assignment" he said and I nodded trying to understand though I honestly couldn't imagine what it would be like.

"Oh…" I replied not really sure how to respond. "Well you seem to be one of those people avoiding me so why don't we have a little counselling session now? The point is that you guys see me as your friend so this should be perfect" I joked and tried to get him to look straight at me, which he did thankfully. So I proceeded, deeming that he was fine with the idea and started with my first question, a pointless one but a necessary one to ask to try and understand what they were missing and how they felt about being here, what they thought of our captain and so on. "Did you leave any loved ones behind?"

He let a breath out, almost like a person would if they snorted and looked away from me slightly, obviously thinking about them now. That didn't matter, I was the counsellor, yes I was his friend but it was my job to see if he was mentally capable of performing his duties, much as the doctors was to check if people were physically able to.

"My mum and dad… and my girlfriend" he said in a lower tone, I swallowed slightly unable to explain why I was surprised, but then again he was my friend… I cared about him.

"That's tough… so what do you plan on doing?"

"I'm going to get back to Earth… get back to Libby and both my parents" he said stubbornly as I looked at him, it was obvious that he was trying to convince himself of that.

"Harry" I said softly, trying to get eye contact with him again. "It's probably going to be 75 years before we get hope according to what they've told me… then with the dangers… tell me Harry do they know that we're all alive?"

"No…" he said I heard and noticed how he swallowed before he did that.

"You need to learn to live your life here, we don't know if we're getting back to Earth yet… so many things could go wrong… besides you don't know if she'll wait for you… she might find somebody else, get married and have kids while you're still here hoping to get back to her…" I trailed off, it was the best advice I could give and I know he was well aware of what I was implying. Still, with this amount of loyalty I wasn't sure if he was going to be capable of moving on. Continuing our dance both of us were silent, I knew he had to think.

"What's it like for you?" he asked suddenly, looking back at me.

"What do you mean?"

"We're all away from our homes and families but we can get back… you're 3 centuries in the future and you're here with us… what's it like for you? How is it that you're the one helping us deal with our problems when you have no one?" he asked, and I could see the curiosity in his eyes. I couldn't help laughing slightly.

"You're the one that volunteered me to be the counsellor but if you really want to know… I'm loyal to my parents and I do care about them, probably even love them but that doesn't really exist in my family. Everything was based on trust; we trusted and relied on each other, nothing more. It's probably why my parent's marriage lasted so long with neither really displaying emotion towards anything, I had no emotional attachment to either of them" I said bluntly, despite the lie… I did care about them heaps and even more so love them, always trying to prove myself to them. But this is how they would want me to go about it.

Neither of my parents had ever believed in emotions, emotions made the both of them human. They thought themselves superior and thereby they were arrogant about it, emotional attachments were weakness, so in each other they'd found their weakness. Everything was based on trust though, they'd never admit more or show more unless in public trying to be the doting parents and couple.

It usually worked.

He nodded and I made sure to blink a couple of times as I smiled at him, it wouldn't do any good if I started crying right after I said that I didn't care and that I had no emotional attachment to them… but I wasn't a grown up yet. I was still just a teenager… I wasn't 18 or 19, let alone in my early 20's. People that were aboard in their 40's were morning their parents and here I was.

A 17 year old with no clue what was happening.

I felt Harry's eyes on me and looking up I think he noticed the little moment I had but thankfully he didn't say anything aloud, instead he just looked… perhaps apologetically for bringing it up or for what happened to me. With an internal sigh I continued dancing, just letting myself be lost in the music, lead by Harry. That's what I loved; here I was controlled but free. Controlled as thinking was irrelevant, and I was being led by a male but free to think about anything I liked.

Then the image of my little sister came into my mind. I'd conveniently forgotten to mention her, as I'd always had a soft spot for her. Allegra… her name meant happy, something I was desperately hoping that she was right now. Still the meaning of my own name floated into my head as I heard my mother's voice sort of far away, in a small memory when I was about Allie's age.

_~Flashback~_

"_Val, do you know why we called you Valerie?" my mum asked, her arms wrapped tightly around me as her blonde curls fell slightly in front of her face. The fact that she was paying attention like this to me was new… very new. Slowly I shook my head, the slight curls… or more waves in my also blonde hair shaking around my head. "It means strong… strong and healthy"_

"_What's does that mean mummy?"_

"_When you were a baby they thought you were going to die sweetie, but you didn't. You were a strong little baby, now are you going to continue being strong for me?" she asked looking me in the eyes, the comforting warmth of the dark brown contrasting the steely grey of mine._

"_Yup" I said grinning at her, hugging back tightly. "I love you mummy"_

_She laughed poking my nose. "I love you two Val"_

_~End Flashback~_

"Val?" a voice interrupted my memory.

"Huh?"

"If you ever need to talk to someone I'm here… and so is Tom though he doesn't show it" Harry said, looking me straight in the eye.

"Why didn't anyone tell me they'd already replaced me?" I said sarcastically, though what I really meant to say was thank you. I hoped he understood what I meant, though he laughed and we went on like that for a while both of us lost in thought…

**A/N There finally done, this chapter was a lot harder because I wasn't too sure how Harry would react to Val, but I hope it wasn't too OOC, originally this was going to be done as a flashback but it kind of grew from there so I hope you liked it, now that I'm on holidays for the next 3 weeks I should be able to update more often for you guys = )**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	12. Apple Strudels

Chapter 12: Apple Strudels  
Valerie's POV:

Sighing I ran my hand through my hair. This was bordering on impossible! Honestly I hated having to deal with all this right now, though the crew seemed to get more comfortable with me… at least those who'd seen me and those that weren't Vulcan.

"Counsellor's Log, Star Date 48579.4; I've lost count how many weeks I've been aboard Voyager but through my lessons with the doctor as well as the things I learn from engineers I can tell it would have been many years before human's came up with technology like this, giving me a new found respect for star ships, especially with the piloting lessons in case they need me as a backup pilot.

The crew seems to be increasing in happiness again, though many I simply trying to distract themselves with as much work as they can in efforts not to think of their loved ones. They've also been scanning almost, if not constantly for these anomalies as the captain describes them, in order to shorten our trip back to Earth. Ensign Kim believes he found one that may take us back to the 'Alpha Quadrant' if that's even what it's called.

Beyond that my only concern lies with some of the Marquis and the two Vulcan's onboard. Some of the Marquis seem unable to integrate themselves well aboard Voyager, and I have noticed that the Vulcan's seem to be ignoring me. Computer, End log" I ordered it, as I began walking out, ready for the rest of the day to come, with Ensign Vorik once again cancelling his appointment with me, due to the fact that he was 'busy' in engineering, meaning I had nothing planned for the rest of the day.

Walking up to the turbo-lift I vaguely remembered Sandrine's, the dance with Harry and the offer he gave me to talk to him. Since my dreams of my own family, especially Allegra had increased in number the idea of taking him up on that offer was rapidly increasing in amount and in simple want to talk about it, still I wouldn't let myself.

"Deck one…" I paused for a second, thinking about what I wanted. "Computer halt Turbo-lift, Deck two"

I liked deck 2, after all the mess hall was located on it; the perfect place to be social was presented there. Even if Neelix's kitchen was located there… it didn't matter, he himself was lovely. How was it fair if I judged him on the food that all of us heavily criticized?

Walking into the mess hall I was surprised that it was empty, well beyond me. Awkwardly standing there I got myself to finally walk in, sitting myself on a chair as I stared out into the stars. As a little kid I'd always been curious about them, and knowing what they were made of didn't spoil the novelty of seeing those lights in the blackness.

Here none of the constellations I was accustomed to were around here though, reminding me of how real this stupid situation was. It wasn't anyone here's fault, it was just how I felt about the situation. Now more than ever I wanted to see my little sister and have her talk about how she wanted to get her hair dyed multiple colours like mine while our parents calmly told her to wait until she was my age.

Hell I just wanted to see my parents, even though the conversation would revolve around information and other such things. I was beginning to miss that most… why did Harry have to ask me about my own family?

I'd been fine up until that moment, not that it seemed to matter to anyone else. Of course no one else seemed to realise that I felt the same way… perhaps I just needed an animal guide to talk to like Chakotay had mentioned in one of our sessions, it was also the reason I didn't need to check up on him as often as the others.

I heard the door open, even if I didn't bother turning around. Instead I listened for the sound of walking, interrupted when I heard a voice.

"Valerie?"

"Hey Neelix" I said, turning around and meeting his look. "How's being morale officer going for you?"

"Just wonderful, though you look like you could use your own little boost. Anything I could do for you?" he asked me, smiling in that strange fashion of his.

"Um… no thanks Neelix" I said looking away slightly, hearing his footsteps walk away and the door reopen. "Wait! Neelix?"

"Yes?" he asked, turning to face me again.

"Could I please have some apple strudel with vanilla sauce?" I asked, probably sounding more childish than I'd like. The look on his face said it all, it wasn't like Chakotay's face, how it seemed stern at all times. This was Neelix, and he'd obviously decided that being Chief Morale Officer would be very important to him.

"Certainly" he said walking over to the replicator. "Apple strudel with vanilla sauce"

"Hot or cold" the computer replied in its monotone voice.

"Hot" I called over and watched as it materialised. He walked over holding the nicely presented plate, complete with a strawberry on top of a small twirl thing of whipped cream. Smiling at it I remembered how I'd always made myself this back at home whenever I had to think, or whenever I was upset.

Either way worked really. Picking up my fork I stabbed the apple strudel slightly, tearing some of the pastry and apple of the side before catching it with my fork and sliding it through the vanilla sauce as I slowly put it into my mouth, smiling at the way it just seemed to melt despite the slight crunch of the pastry. This was heaven that was all I could think.

"What's going on Val?" he asked me, looking at me while I ate. Glumly I stabbed my food again, despite the echo in my head about not playing with my food.

"I keep replaying memories of my family… my little sister, the cats, the birds, of my mum when I was a little girl" I said in one breath, if I'd taken time to breathe I would've never continued, let alone openly admitted it.

"Everyone misses their families Val"

"Well I can't! I'm not going to see them again so why should I choose to feel this of all things?" I asked defensively, stabbing my food again as I fought the sudden urge to cry about this. Crying would resolve nothing, if anything it'd just make me feel worse going on past experiences.

"From what I've heard you're one of the youngest-"

"The youngest" I interrupted. I was the youngest on board that was nothing new. "I turn 18 in a couple of weeks"

Looking up I saw the shock on his face, I'd always looked a bit older than I was, at 14 I was always told I looked 16 and now at 17, especially in these clothes with hair up I looked at least 20 or so. I could tell that he was thinking that I was just a child, not to mention the slight look of pity.

"Look Neelix, I have to go they're doing tests on the worm hole and being the counsellor I think I have to be around to tell the rest of the crew in case anyone asks in later sessions… you should try the apple strudel" I said when I saw him about to say something. "And Neelix, thanks" Basically running out of the room I ran straight back to the turbo lift, "Deck one."

Straightening my clothes I walked into the bridge, nodding at the others as I moved to my designated seat, next to the already sitting captain, not bothering with a greeting as I looked to the screen to try and piece together what had happened so far, from what I gathered they were trying to see if they could send transmissions to the other ship.

"Are you reading anything Mr Tuvok?" Kathryn suddenly asked, my guess was nervous about whether or not we'd get a reply, and even better if it was from the Alpha Quadrant.

"Negative Captain, there's nothing that would suggest a response" Tuvok said bluntly as I rolled my eyes slightly.

"Even if someone picked up our signal, it may take them some time to figure out how to return it" Chakotay said, offering some explanation that was less depressing than Tuvok's, at least Chakotay was trying to give us all some hope that this would work.

"You're right, Janeway to Kim; keep transmitting" she ordered as I crossed my fingers, sitting on them so it wouldn't be obvious. Sure I was nervous about this, but I was also scared about what would happen if we got back and if we didn't.

"Aye Captain, how long should we keep it up?" he responded quickly.

"Until I tell you otherwise, commander you have the bridge" she said, getting up and walking before there was a small ringing tone.

"Captain" Tuvok said quickly, asking for her attention. She walked over looking interested and I couldn't help my own curiosity. "I'm getting something Captain"

"I'm getting it too" Tom said, pressing a couple of buttons on his own monitor. "A subspace signal being relayed through the probe…" I caught his glance, smiling at him. This would be interesting if we could just get some sort of message through right now, a bit like a message in a bottle.

"That signal is being relayed on the same frequency and amplitude as our signal" Tuvok added on, as she looked confused, if not hopeful. "It's a response, some received our transmission and sent one back… and their signal originated in the… alpha quadrant…"

Everything went silent.


	13. Vulcan Logic Beats Mine

Chapter 13: Vulcan Logic beats mine…  
Valerie's POV:

Now that they'd 'established' that this wormhole, despite being too small for voyager to pass through led to the Alpha quadrant, Torres and Harry had been working basically non-stop to try and get some sort of voice link, basically like a phone call in my opinion, up to try and talk to this other ship.

Meanwhile I sat at the screen staring at the stars around the tiny wormhole. It seemed to make perfect sense and kept me preoccupied.

"Ok, we'll be ready to go online in a couple of minutes" I heard Harry say as I vaguely started paying attention, the only thing I'd really bother listening to would be this communication to the other ship. Would it be as… sceptical as I originally was?

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation star ship Voyager, do you read?" Kathryn suddenly said loudly and clearly, causing me to flinch slightly. It was something I wasn't expecting. Surprisingly enough it was that that caught me off guard though, not the garbled response that we got back, exchanging looks with another crew member I bit my lip slightly, my fingers slightly crossed beside me. I knew that this meant a lot to them all, though I couldn't imagine what I'd do if this ended now.

Harry would get his wish though… to be with his parents… not to mention Libby… and most likely we'd fall out of contact… and Tom? What would happen to Tom? Would he be sent back to jail? Perhaps I should just stick with Kes and Neelix, they had no on Earth, maybe we could stick it out together, though I'd obviously be the third wheel… and what after she died? She had about 8 years left…

'Stop!' I ordered myself mentally, while I forced myself to listen to what was going on, I didn't miss much besides the garbled reply… and something that Torres said about narrowing something, not that it mattered to me. It was probably just some attempt to make the response clear.

"This is Kathryn Janeway of federation ship Voyager, is anyone receiving this communication?" she asked again, before there was another garbled response. Everyone exchanged down cast looks before there was something heard from the other side… nothing we could make sense of but still something!

"Narrow the band pass a bit more" Harry instructed, leaning over Torres as he watched her push a couple of buttons… that was probably what she was talking about earlier. "Try again captain"

"This is Janeway, please repeat your last transmission" I knew I for one wouldn't want to be the one who was talking like that over and over. It would annoy me to no end! And that would be putting it mildly…

Still the garbled reply had become clearer, I wasn't the only one to realise that, being able to pick out the words vessel, quadrant and then location. Though that wouldn't get us very far…

"Cargo vessel, we're still trying to clear up your last transmission, please repeat one last time" she said, obviously curious now that we knew someone was there. The thing that made it even more amusing was that she'd managed to pick out more than I had been able to! Wasn't it my job to notice more than the average person here? Wasn't that why she instated me as the counsellor on her ship despite barely knowing me? Then I missed the beginning of what he said, minus it being a cargo vessel. Was something wrong with me?

"Location Alpha quadrant, sector 1385; what is your location?" the unfamiliar male voice asked.

"We're in the Delta quadrant… but since this province hasn't been charted I can't specify our exact location" she managed to reply. It almost surprised me how formal she could be, and how much she could live up to the 'expected' star fleet protocols… not to mention how well she seemed to deal with this situation amongst others.

"Please confirm, you said Delta quadrant?"

"Correct"

"You said federation star ship?" he replied and while Kathryn attempted to explain the situation to this… whoever he was in the Alpha quadrant I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows quickly and sighing in exasperation before I leaned back into my chair, winking at Tom as he snickered slightly, Chakotay sending him a look to which he shrugged glancing at me, before Chakotay glanced at me. Grinning childishly I shrugged at him as well, leaving him to raise his eyebrow at us.

They never ordered me to be completely on task on the bridge, plus neither of us had anything to do at the moment!

Of course then things got slightly less civil, with him refusing to believe where we were, but then again that was to have been originally suspected. Both he and Janeway sounded rather deadly while they were pressing their points and suddenly it stopped.

"No… no, wait! Kim hail him again!" she ordered, obviously desperate to try and figure something out to get us, or a message about us back to star fleet. Not that it'd do us any good but still, I sat back, looking at the captain.

"No response captain" Harry responded, little beeps of things going on reaching my ears. It sounded much like my phone did when I declined a call… where was my phone anyway? Probably in my bag, not that it would do me much good here in the Alpha Quadrant but it still had games on it… and I could probably convince Harry to change a couple of things so I could hook it into the ship to charge…

I'd have to make a mental note, so I did, quickly dropping my phone on the desk in my quarters, it did seem it suitable place.

"Why did he break off the transmission?" I asked curiously, looking up at the captain. Sectors and quadrants meant absolutely nothing to me, but maybe there was something that was going on in that particular spot… or lack of activity to be more precise you could say. If there was she, or any of the senior officers, besides me and self-appointed Neelix and Kes would know about it…

"Perhaps I can offer an explanation" Tuvok said after a moment of silence throughout the entire bridge. "The com link signature of his transmission indicates the message originates from a Romulan ship, further there are no known shipping lanes in the sector he identified. Given the precise calibration of the signal I would suggest that he is in fact, on board a science vessel"

"And I thought I was meant to be the smart one that notices all the details" I said in a patronising tone, though he barely acknowledged what I said.

"Why would he pretend to be a cargo captain?" Tom asked, right after giving himself the time to roll his eyes at my lovely little antics… or maybe it was my ego… probably the former!

"If he's engaged in secret research, he might want to conceal that fact" Chakotay reasoned, giving Kathryn a pointed look.

"Precisely" Tuvok said, and if he were human (or especially the doctor!) he would've had a smug look on his face, but he didn't. Instead it was the usual face, the bored, happy, sad, angry face… or as he put it he had no emotions therefore there was no such thing for him. I didn't believe it and I'd definitely address that when I spoke to him!

Now all I had to do was track him down and drag him to my office after we finished working!

Suddenly I watched her order Harry to spend time, or specifically every minute establishing another link with that Romulan and then handed the bridge over to Chakotay… because that wasn't weird. But then again going off what I thought I remembered she had been awake for about the past 17 or so hours.

"Aye Captain" he said moving to her seat.

"Kes to Counsellor Chase" I heard a voice over combadge and jumped slightly, causing Chakotay and Tom to laugh at me. Glaring daggers at the pair of them I tapped the badge that I now wore everywhere.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if I could speak to you…" she said hesitantly, and I smiled slightly.

"I'll be right over" I said standing up and taking a step. "Wait… where are you?"

**A/N I know it took a little longer than I expected but I've also been working on assignments… apparently I have them over the holidays so I hope you liked it. As you know all reviews, ideas, criticism is welcome!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	14. Rumours

Chapter 14: Rumours  
Valerie's POV:

I found myself sitting in the mess hall with Kes; it was anyway dinner time so we'd decided to eat together if she anyway wanted to talk to me. Neelix's food was… definitely special and rather interesting today so I just forced a smile on my face while I ate, noticing how Kes laughed slightly at the probably pained look on my face.

"You don't like it" she stated, smiling at me.

"It's a… interesting taste… so… why'd you want to talk to me? I mean I know I haven't gotten around to you and Neelix it just seemed that you two were settling into this better than most of the other crew…" I explained smiling back at her, trying to stop myself from staring at her ears. They were a lot different with the way they pointed and the ridges. But still I do have enough sense to know that staring is rude!

"I spoke to the captain about this earlier…" she said softly before she paused suddenly.

"And you didn't reach a proper conclusion?"

"Exactly… well you see it's not about Neelix or I, we're loving it here and everyone treats us well… but you see, it's about the doctor…" she said trailing off before she took a sip of whatever that green drink she was having was.

"So what is this mystery without conclusion?" I said in my best mysterious, yet still silly voice as I gave her a pointed look as she burst out laughing. I couldn't help the way I too started to laugh at that though. Considering we were almost alone, minis Neelix and a few of the other crew members also having dinner or some sort of snack before they took a night shift it didn't matter how stupid we were.

Despite the fact that rumours do seem to travel quicker on Voyager and anywhere I've ever known, and that's saying something considering all it takes at school is about 1 maybe 2 hours for everyone to know something!

Then again we only had the same amount of people as an average year group… maybe add an extra class. But still there were only 141 people approximately that were on board… so what could you do about it anyway?

"Well… I spoke to the captain about the way people treat the doctor. How rude they are and inconsiderate… some of them talk about him in front of him and then pretend he doesn't even exist while he's treating them..."

"Yeah, I noticed that as well but go on… what did the captain say?" I asked her, smiling encouragingly as I continued eating whatever it was. And no, I don't want to know. It could be some creatures heart, or eyes and I wouldn't want to know… I was definitely going vegetarian when we got back, though on the bright side we'd managed to find that other planet and take omicron particles (or whatever they're called) for more energy, meaning that replicator rations, though still important weren't a desperate thing.

"She said that there were complaints about him being rude to patients and that they were thinking about re-programming him!" she said, looking rather worked up about the idea.

"He is a bit… sarcastic and he doesn't exactly have proper bed side etiquette but he can still learn those things… and I think he could also learn about human tendencies, habits, stuff like that to get a better idea about it…" I said, giving him lessons in social understanding might actually help considering what Harry had taught me about the doctor being programmed with the ability to adapt and to learn.

"That's true but they can't just re-program him can they?" she asked, and I couldn't help the large breath of air I let out.

"She's the captain Kes, and she's right in one aspect, he may be 'living' as far as the both of us can see it but he is nothing more than a program, especially in the mind set of people from the 24th century" I explained to her, trying to stay calm and rather… objective I think the word is to the current situation.

It would do no good if I just threw a bit of a hissy fit and stormed over to the captain…

"It's not right though…" she said argumentatively and I couldn't help but not at what she was saying. Placing my hand on her arm for a second I looked her in the eyes and tried to get her to understand that I was on her side.

"Look I understand how you feel about this Kes, and I don't understand it either but I promise that if the captain ever brings this up to me, I'll be against re-programming him. If she ever does bring this up I'll argue on his side and try to make her understand what both of us, especially you see in him considering the amount of time you spend with him"

"Thanks Counsellor" she said smiling at me.

"Val" I corrected taking a gulp of my coffee. "I may be the counsellor but that as a title would kill me, plus I call you Kes..."

"Ok… Val. So what's going on with you and Ensign Kim?" she suddenly asked, causing me to cough slightly.

"What do you mean?" I asked looking at her as if she was insane.

"You spend a lot of time with him… and I saw you two dancing together in the holodeck at Sandrine's after both of you got off duty" she said, smiling at me with a little twinkle in her eye.

"Nothing's going on between Harry and me…" I said trailing off unsurely. "We were dancing to get rid of Sandrine who was sexually harassing him… and he seemed to be avoiding my office so it gave me an excuse to question him about what was going on…"

Let's just say that devilish little Ocampa didn't believe a word of it and insisted on teasing me to try and get something out of me. And you know that moment when you blush but not because you're guilty, but because you're being accused of something that you either disagree with or just never did or felt? Yeah, that's how I felt by the end of it, though I somehow think that got warped to a I love Harry from a 'No I do not!'

I was never going to be able to live this down was I?

~OoO~

Rather against my will, and fairly grouchily might I add, I woke up and curled to the side about to fall asleep again when I took a second to look at the clock. 8:52am… alarmed I threw the covers off of me and pulled the uniform from yesterday on, stumbling around as I tried not to fall while finding my second shoe.

Eventually though I managed, attaching the combadge and running out to the turbo-lift with some of my bobby lips lightly clamped between my lips. Reaching up I grabbed them with my hand, pushing them to the sleeve of my long sleeve shirt thing while I quickly zipped it up before anyone else joined me.

"Deck 1" I said and heard the familiar sound as it took off, taking that moment to start running my hands through my hair for any of the larger knots, I'd have to brush my hair properly later but for now I had a deadline to make it to the bridge. Twisting it I put it up against the base of my head, pinning it there before tucking the ends in and pinning them under right as the doors of the turbo lift opened.

It was good that I was quick at doing my hair in the mornings from so many days of sleeping in. And then I noticed that the captain wasn't even here yet. Fighting back the sigh I nodded at the others, quite aware that despite being up my hair was probably a lot messier than normal. That's what I get for not having hair spray everywhere with me!

Looking forward I saw Tom wink at me and glared. He'd probably already heard about that conversation with Kes… then I couldn't help blushing and averting my eyes, wishing that I hadn't done my hair so I could simply hide behind the blonde curls like I had so many times when I faced embarrassment before.

"We're ready to try a visual link with the Romulan ship captain" Tuvok said shortly after I resorted to hiding myself… well as much as possible considering it was the bridge!

"Good work" she responded, her expression rather… emotionless I guess.

"We didn't have any trouble configuring the protocols but that phase variance in the radiation stream gave us a few problems. Torres is going to balance it manually from engineering" Harry said suddenly, explaining everything to captain Janeway… as she obviously didn't really know everything that was going on.

What interested me was how long Harry and Torres had been up to work all this out!

"Ok, we've got the communication frequency locked in" Tom said, turning to another screen.

"On screen" Kathryn said, smiling. I had a strange feeling that this would become… rather... interesting!

**A/N There's today's chapter but I'll probably have another one up for you guys tonight Hope you liked it, all criticism and ideas are welcomed!**


	15. Of Ants and Flickering

Chapter 15: Ants and Flickering  
Valerie's POV:

'Ants' I thought looking at the screen, it was a term that my baby sitter used whenever our TV had satellite problems back at our place, when the screen when fuzzy and flickered weird colours, generally all shades of black, white and grey. That's what the large screen in front of me now was doing.

I heard someone pressing buttons, probably Harry as he and Torres were the ones that were monitoring this entire process and trying to make it work, and Harry for one was probably one of the currently most motivated crew members on board!

Then a face began flickering on and off the screen as the interference gave way, and then started working again. This… Romulan looked an awful lot like a Vulcan I noted. Awful hair cut, pointed hairs, eye brows that seem to go in a line upwards… the only differences were the fact that he was showing emotion and that he had ridges on his forehead, not like Torres' but they were still there.

"I presume you are Captain Janeway" he said in that monotone voice that I originally thought to be reserved for Vulcan's… not that it mattered, judging by the similarities they had some sort of similar past so why should it surprise me?

"Yes" she said with a small smile beginning to walk forwards. "I want to thank you captain, for maintaining contact with us, it means a great deal to me and my crew"

I watched as he swallowed slightly, his jawbone tensing and his neck even seeming to tense slightly. "I am not familiar with this class of ship" he replied and so began the civil talk. Something about spies and other such things to which paying attention would take a lot of effort, so I didn't bother. But because this time the conversation was on a screen I had to be fairly composed, meaning I couldn't just clown around and pull faces or discreetly communicate with Tom to keep myself entertained.

So I sat, watching for little movements that would help me learn more about him. As soon as his family was mentioned I watched his attitude change slightly, tears forming in his eyes as he grew upset. It was definitely a far cry from a normal Vulcan, though I'd have to check out the data-base later to understand the difference between the two species.

Still I noticed how he attempted to stop us from noticing how upset that made him feel, a glimpse of how sad he was coming through right as he ended the transmission, leaving the tiny wormhole on our screen. Sighing I looked up at Kathryn trying to read what she was going to do next, though I had a feeling Tuvok already knew.

They'd been working together a while already!

"Commander, let's assume he's going to be successful. Tell the crew to prepare personal messages and have them ready within the hour" she said and I couldn't help but smile at the optimistic outlook that she seemed to have.

"Pleasure captain" Chakotay replied, though he didn't smile, instead it was Tom that looked up at her and smiled, and I couldn't help the grin on my face. This would definitely be something that would cheer all the crew up, all the gods in existence would've known that from less than a glimpse at each one of them!

"Captain I have to talk to you!" Torres' voice suddenly echoed throughout the room and I calmly watched as she walked into the ready room with her, beginning their conversation. That's when I realised that whatever it was, it was definitely important.

And right I was!

They were talking about a way in which we could be transported to the other ship, thereby getting home almost instantly much like many of the crew had hoped. Morale had been significantly raised and I couldn't help feeling worse for wear I guess you could say, my worries of previous nights echoing through my head.

The doctor and I seemed to be the only people on board that disliked the idea of getting back, the doctor because he'd be stuck on voyager no matter what and me, because I'd lose everything I'd gained again over the past few weeks!

And after losing everything once, I didn't want to do it again.

~OoO~

Like yesterday I ended up fairly… silent for most of the day, sitting quietly at my chair. I didn't even know whether or not I was supposed to be on the bridge but I was worried about how things would work out, so I stayed anyway. If I didn't speak and kept a smile or distant look on my face no one worried about me, I was only asked if I was ok once, and that was Tom who'd noticed the 'slightly' different behaviour.

Without much expression I watched the screen with slightly more interest as I heard the words, dematerialised. The outline of the object appeared in blue dots, and then it disappeared and so on and so forth much like our first transmission did. Personally, I wouldn't want to be the first test subject to try that in case they completely lost me.

Was it possible to completely lose someone?

Yup, I wasn't volunteering to be the first person!

Everyone looked at it curiously; they'd obviously never seen a transport like this happen, heck Tuvok looked curious. I reckon he doesn't count curiosity an emotion though… I'd have to look that up as well! Why was it that so many everyday things even from my time I now realise I couldn't explain. Maybe the game tiny wings or the legend of Zelda, though I'd probably find the latter rather difficult as well!

Eventually it stopped… flickering I guess is the only term you could use and I watched as the Romulan hesitantly picked it up. It was solid…

"We'll have to run a series of these tests, just to make sure, but we have to act quickly… before the probe is crushed!" Kathryn said to him and I tried to hide the worried look that was now on my face.

"I understand" he said, drawing the words out.

"Eventually we'll have to try transporting a person… one of our crew will beam to your ship if you'll allow it" she said, making it clear that 'home' was not far away anymore. A couple of days at most I'd guess.

"I'm afraid I can't permit that captain, my government would never allow star fleet personal on this ship. I wouldn't want my logs to show that" as he said that I saw the worried looks on Kathryn's and a couple of other people's faces, and couldn't help the guilt and selfishness I felt when there was a slight flicker of hope in my mind.

"Then what would you suggest?" Tuvok asked bluntly.

"I'll volunteer to transport to your ship and back" the scientist replied, though I could see the hint of anxiousness carefully concealed… or rather almost carefully concealed. He still seemed to trust this… 'beaming through a wormhole' thing a lot more than I did… and I didn't have to be the first person!

"But captain, if we can't transport to your ship, how are we to get back?" Kathryn asked again, looking him straight in the eyes.

"If the procedure is successful I'll arrange for a troop ship to join me… that would easily accommodate your crew"

"Very well, we'll be in touch" Kathryn finally concluded and as he nodded the screen blacked out to the image of the wormhole again. I needed a chocolate pie, but I wasn't going to let myself eat it obviously. Maybe I could convince Neelix to eat it for me after I smelt it; the smell of warm chocolate had often served to make me feel better about things…

A couple of hours had passed and I found myself in a transportation room, watching Harry and Torres… who's name I vaguely remember as being B'Elanna transport heaps of those 'test cylinders' to the Romulan ship, and now where finally preparing to transport the Romulan, despite their problems with 'phase variance'.

"Agreed" I heard Kathryn say and I jumped off my seat, standing nearby her and Tuvok.

"We're locked onto him, whenever you're captain" B'Elanna said to her, looking as if she'd belonged on a star fleet ship all along.

Yes I finally knew what the Marquis were!

"Well… let's try it… energize" as soon as Kathryn gave the order Harry and B'Elanna went back to adjusting things and pressing random buttons. It appeared to be going well, until he started getting more 'detailed', as long as it was an outline everything was fine but anything more and it just seemed to stop working. His body flickered in and out and I saw the look of concern on Kathryn's face as I attempted to keep mine like Tuvok's – perfectly emotionless.

"What's the problem?" Kathryn asked the engineers.

"It's the phase variance in the radiation stream… I'm balancing it manually" B'Elanna explained, looking up and down from the Romulan to the desk, mainly to search for the buttons as Harry was doing roughly the same thing, though probably more of a monitoring how things were going next to her. Then he finally appeared, and the flickering stopped completely like the cylinder originally had the first time we tried.

"Welcome to the Delta quadrant" Kathryn said smiling up at him, obviously pleased that he'd gotten to the ship in one piece. She was the last hope that she had to get us back within the next few days, otherwise we'd have to look for another shortcut, or die, or spend the next couple of decades aboard Voyager.

The Romulan simply looked completely disorientated and shocked as he looked around the room and at us in turn.

"My first officer; Commander Chakotay, Lieutenant Tuvok; my head of security, Counsellor Chase, my Chief Engineer Torres and Operations Officer Kim" she said introducing us all formally and I noticed the smile on Harry's face. To him this was within reaching distance of his family, of everything he really cared about that he had to leave behind, and it wasn't as if this would make him leave Tom and I behind, I had to remind myself of that!

"My congratulations on your remarkable accomplishment" he said, almost smiling, of course B'Elanna found it her duty to talk us down.

"For a while there I didn't think you were going to make it, there was a strange phase variance in the radiation stream that almost kept us from pulling you through" as soon as the words were out of her mouth Chakotay had turned, giving her a questioning look.

"Mr Tuvok, you may begin evacuation procedures" she said and I looked to the ground. It was over, this was all over. Hearing a beeping noise I looked up curiously, instead of listening to her command he'd pulled out a tri-corder and was checking something… I rolled my eyes at his over-cautiousness. Was he worried that he was a security risk or something?

"I suggest we delay that for the moment captain" he said suddenly, looking up and everyone simply looked at him, puzzled. "I'm afraid I found the reason for the unusual phase variance"

"What?" I asked bluntly, cocking my head to the side just like an intrigued German Sheppard might, trust me I've seen enough to know!

"Captain, what year is it?" Tuvok asked the Romulan. This entire captain, captain thing was going to confuse me so much it wasn't funny.

"What year?" he asked speculatively.

"If you please"

"By your calendar the year is 2351" he replied and I couldn't help exchanging looks with the others. By their looks I'd gotten it right, we were in 2371.

"But… this is 2371" Chakotay said, obviously rather confused as well.

"Exactly" Tuvok said. "Our Romulan visitor is a person out of time. He is showing clear signs of temporal displacement. I would surmise that the wormhole is a rift, not just in space but in time. The usual phase variance we detected was actually an indication of a temporal shift. We have transported him from 20 years into the past, into our present" Tuvok explained, never once letting that mask slip off of his face. In silence everyone besides Tuvok and I looked at each other in shock, though I wasn't sure what to think.

"All senior officer's to the briefing room" Kathryn suddenly said after tapping her combadge and without waiting for a response she began walking there and I noticed B'Elanna going over all the logs, Tuvok, Chakotay and Kathryn leading the Romulan to the briefing room on the way.

"You go ahead Star Fleet" I heard B'Elanna say to Harry, and I smiled slightly at the nickname she'd given him. Nodding slightly he walked over and I smiled at him while he looked thoughtful. I knew how badly he'd wanted to go home and now I felt _really_ bad for hoping the whole thing wouldn't work out.

And that dear people is why you should be careful what you wish for!

"You ok Harry?" I asked as we walked sort of slowly to the turbo-lift, noticing how he refused to look at me at all. Either the rumour mill got to him or he'd been really dependant on this one chance to get back.

"Just fine" he replied as we entered the turbo-lift. "Deck 1"

I couldn't help it, as soon as it started moving I quickly hugged him. "It'll all work out Harry, you'll see them again" I said before I pulled away from the hug just as the doors opened again, walking out into the bridge and straight to the briefing room, barely noticing that Harry arrived about 2 minutes later than myself. So we all sat there, waiting for B'Elanna.

B'Elanna entered the room a short time later, though it did feel a while and I couldn't help my sudden craving for coffee. Still I sat silently tapping my fingers on my thigh as I waited, watching her sit down and lean back.

"So what have we got?" Kathryn suddenly asked us as soon as she noted all of us were finally there.

"I've gone over and over the transporter logs, there's no question that if we try to transport ourselves through that wormhole, we'll end up 20 years in the past" Torres stated bluntly, sounding slightly upset while Tom just looked like he didn't know how to respond. No one really did.

"Then let's do it!" Harry said suddenly, breaking the silence. "It's better than spending the next 70 years trying to get back!"

"How can we do that? We'll be going back to a time when you were only two years old" Tom reasoned with him, and I had to take Tom's side in this one. Seeing the look in Harry's eye, the sadness I cut in.

"I agree with Tom, while it will make no difference to my existence as I should've been dead for the past 300 years anyway but all of you will have been young adults, children or babies around that time. Going to that time could change way too many things about what's happened in your current lives, you could accidentally stop yourselves from coming here in the first place or purposely in some cases!" I exclaimed before placing my hand on Harry's arm. "There's too much risk, and I'm sorry but I don't think it's worth it."

"I know your disappointed Harry, we all are… it seemed we were so close… but clearly we can't go back it would pollute the timeline to such an extent the consequences would be unimaginable. I'm afraid we'll have to send you back alone, and ask that you not reveal anything that has happened here" she said to him, well to us all bluntly and I looked at the Romulan who's name I didn't even know after all this time.

"I can assure you captain, that I would not do anything that would contaminate the future and perhaps harm the Romulan Empire" that was loyalty, doing it for his planet and that alone, but I watched as he took a shaky breath before softly continuing. "But… in twenty years, I could alert star fleet not to launch the mission that sent you here"

Immediately I looked at the captain in alarm. If they didn't get here, if they didn't manage Kes would be a slave, Neelix would be god knows where and me… I gulped; I'd be suddenly dead because I didn't have a lung or something like that!

"I'm afraid that's not possible, we've already had a huge impact on this quadrant, people and events here would be drastically affected" Chakotay said and I nodded slightly, looking away from Harry as that look of sadness was something I didn't want to deal with right now, may it's selfish but self preservation is 'perfectly logical'.

"I'm afraid we're left with our original request… in twenty years, would you relay our personal messages to star fleet?" Kathryn asked the Romulan.

"Of course" he replied. "At the proper time I will transmit them… if you should find a way back within my lifetime, I'd be an old man, but I'd welcome a message from you. I am Telek R'Mor of the Romulan Astrophysical academy"

"I promise you'll hear from us, because we will get back!" Kathryn declared. I didn't want to say goodbye in the transporter room so as soon as people started leaving the room I walked up to Telek R'Mor, and smiled at him.

"Although I don't have a message to send back I want to thank you for everything you've done for this crew and for understanding what they've gone through" I said looking at him.

"Why don't you have a message?" he asked, curious but not really meaning to pry I had a feeling.

"By their calendar I'm from the year 2012, I didn't have a big family… I was the only heiress to the things so no one's going to be waiting for me" I said a small smile on my face before I moved forwards hugging him tightly. I felt him stiffen, awkwardly hugging back unlike Harry had back in the turbo-lift. "Thank you… good luck on your mission and on getting back to your ship"

"I wish you good luck as well on your journey back with them… though you could come back to Romulus with me and tell Star Fleet what happened to them yourself" he said. There was the offer, they could just in case, he would be old and could possibly die.

"My place is on Voyager, the crew needs me" I said smiling at him as I watched him walk away, Harry stalking past in obvious annoyance that this had both wasted our travel time and not gotten us home like he'd originally hoped.

**A/N: That's that for this Chapter, I hope you liked it, any advice/reviews/criticism/ideas/etc. are welcomed and until next time.**

**FaelwenofLothlorien**


	16. He Loves You

Chapter 16: He Loves You  
Valerie's POV:

A couple of days had passed by since we said goodbye to the Romulan and we were already back on course, ready for the next big thing to happen. But nothing had happened yet, no wormholes, no Kazon ships, no nothing really. Stars were all we seemed to be seeing, which really did give me a chance to catch up with people that wanted to see me, and I'd finally been able to track Harry down about modifying some sort of cable to charge my phone.

He didn't seem to understand why but still he was working on it now, at the desk in my quarters adapting my charger to match the power outlet. Sure it wasn't extremely difficult – for him at least, for me I would've probably destroyed the ship – but it gave him something to do rather than mope during free time. Or be roped into some random activity by Tom, like that double date that Tom wanted Harry to go on with him so he could 'pursue' Megan Delaney as he put it.

In my opinion it was a waste of time considering Megan was rather… quiet and shy, compared to Tom but what do I know? After all people do say opposites attract so the impossible may just be possible.

As stated, what do I know? I've only ever had one boyfriend and that's because I trusted him, and he 'loved' me, the feeling was never mutual.

Not that it mattered anymore, we weren't together by the time we left and even if we were he'd be dead by now so I had nothing to worry about.

"So remind me why you need your phone?" Harry asked me, and I didn't respond leaving him only with a grin as he sighed and continued.

~OoO~

With no need to worry about my phone dying any more I'd turned it on again and on flight mode, chances were it couldn't do any damage but it could still try to give us cancer with the radiation and what not and I didn't want to subject myself to that if I wasn't getting internet, texts or calls in the time we were out here!

So for the first time in ages, I had my ear phones in and was 'rocking out', singing and dancing around a bit not really paying attention to much. I mean, I was in my quarters, what could go wrong?

Playing with my hair I swung my head to the side at one of the harsher beats my body swaying in time to the music that only I was able to hear. My arms were swinging around the place, before I ran them through my hair, motioning for someone who wasn't even there to come closer to my location. People always said I got way too into the music by myself or with friends, after a while I stopped looking like a dancer. But when you're by yourself it doesn't matter anyway!

"_If he loves you, he loves you not  
Be the one to leave him, baby don't get caught  
If he loves you, set your heart on fire  
I hate to be the one to tell you he's a liar  
If he loves you, he loves you not" _I belted out the singing like I normally would when I finally recognized the songs, embarrassed that I was confused for a moment as it was one of my favourites, it still managed to sound good though so it didn't really matter to me. Quieting my voice I continued as I ran my hands through my hair.

"_So call him closer, be a doll  
He gives you just a taste but you want it all  
But if you stumble before you fall  
Take a little taste or you'll lose it all"_ with the continuation I'd thrown myself onto my bed running my hands through my hair the music still blasting in my ears as I got up walking to the mirror and closing my eyes to sing the next chorus.

"_If he loves you, he loves you not  
Be the one to leave him, baby don't get caught  
If he loves you, set your heart on fire  
I hate to be the one to tell you he's a liar  
If he loves you,  
Oh yeah, if he loves you_

Bet you're wishin' for the day, wishin' you could wish  
it all away  
Bet you're wishin for the day" at the last note of that chorus I opened my eyes for a second seeing Neelix behind me and I froze, the note suddenly dropping off. Finally I recognized that the music was heaps loud, not the comfortable loud but the over the top loud. Blinking I threw my phone to the side with the ear plugs, turning around and running my hands through it to neaten it up as I smiled at Neelix.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked calmly trying to ignore the shocked expression and pretending nothing ever happened.

"You know you've got a remarkable singing voice Valerie, you should sing for us all sometime to entertain… you know keep Morale among the crew up" he said not bothering with what he was going to say previously, I just looked at him light a deer caught in headlights.

"But… but…"

"No buts Val, I think that that is something that the crew might enjoy… you probably know other songs don't you?" he asked me looking at me. I gave him one look that said 'shut up you saw and heard nothing' grabbed my phone and stormed passed him, hearing him call after me. "Val!"

"I'm not doing it Neelix!" I screamed back down the corridor, running as soon as I turned the corner and straight into the turbo-lift, almost ramming into Chakotay as I did so, still I smiled. "Deck 2"

Sure I was going to the mess hall but why not? If he was looking for me he'd never look there… would he?

"In a rush Counsellor?" Chakotay asked calmly, a slight smile on his face.

"You could say that…" I said trailing off, and walking into the mess hall, sitting myself down behind a chair, hiding quite calmly as I heard the doors open again.

"You alright down there?" I heard Tom's familiar voice question.

"It's the perfect place to be at this time of day" I joked.

"So it's not because you're lost this time?" he teased giving me a hand up. "So what were you doing on the ground?"

"Hiding"

"Hiding with your combadge on?" he asked, looking at it questioningly before looking at me and I couldn't help blushing. I'd forgotten that it tracked my position on the ship, probably part of the reason all crew members had them, so in emergencies they could be easily found… unless sensors were malfunctioning in which case nothing much would help…

"Well… the person trying to find me might not realise you can ask the computer yet?" I offered innocently trying not to look like a complete dork. "Plus I'm the counsellor it's necessary that those in need find me whenever they need me"

"But you're hiding from a crew member that needs you?"

"No, a crew member that thinks that I'm some sort of show dog that'll bark on command or something" I countered, before seeing a confused look on his face, continuing before he could question it. "I'm 'hiding' from Neelix…"

"Neelix?" he asked, his tone changing and he laughed slightly and before he continued I interrupted again, he had to let me explain this.

"Yes Neelix, you know the guy who's been poisoning us with the things he calls 'food'? Well he kind of walked in on me in my quarters when I forgot to lock the door and now seems to think that the counsellor singing for the crew would be a good idea as it might serve to 'boost' crew morale… I'm trying to work out what he's on" I commented dryly and just heard Tom laugh.

"It would be entertaining Val" he offered giving me a large grin and I fought the urge to hit him! "But on the other hand you never know we might go deaf" he concluded with a wink, before he ran and I chased after him, both of us laughing hysterically I caught up to him (after losing him by using the stupid turbo-lift) at the holo-deck already inside it.

Glaring at a mental image I followed to see the familiar French town in which Sandrine's was located, was that becoming the hotspot for everything?

**A/N: I know it's been a while since I posted but here's something different from the usual and focuses more on the progressing of her relationships with other people, and more importantly her phone! Other than that I hope you liked it and that's to **** , a guest, JessiAmber and Aussie SciFi Tragic for reviewing, and all the others that put me on favourites and the story on alert, your support means a lot, and review if you liked… or have criticism! Btw the song used is He Loves You by the Pretty Reckless, I don't own or claim to own it, I just thought it'd fit rather… nicely… ;) **

**FaelwenofLothlorien**


	17. What Happens, Happens

Chapter 17: What happens, happens  
Valerie's POV:

Cautiously I made my way down the darkened streets of the little French town, was it worth this? There were so many places that he could be hiding and could just… go unnoticed… or worse sneak up on me and make me look like a complete fool!

Still some sense of pride (and a sudden urge to crash tackle him), stopped me from just leaving. No matter how much there was that little thought that popped up in my head thinking that he'd just lured me here to hand me over to Neelix or something… I seriously didn't put it past him to do something like that!

It seemed so eerie in the darkness, but then again this hologram never seemed to change and seemed to be night time, all the time! Then I had a simple idea.

"Computer, end Holographic Simulation" I told it, and it did as I said the white block like things lining the room and I watched as Tom fell to the ground, obviously having sat on a chair! Raising an eyebrow I looked at him and he rolled his eyes at me.

"I was just going to challenge you to a game of pool" he said his hands raised in defeat as I weakly, not to mention rather pathetically, kinda slapped him across his shoulder. He just laughed in his own special way leaving me to roll my eyebrows for once.

"I don't play pool" I said calmly, trying not to give away my anxiety at the idea of playing pool. It was probably one of my worst nightmares… let's just say it wasn't that I'd never tried it, it's that I have! Seriously, I've tried playing about 10 times and each time something's gone wrong… the first time involved hitting a friend and the second time I was hit in the head by a guy trying to teach me how to use the stupid cue!

I even thought I was at a safe distance.

"Then I'll teach you, computer activate holodeck program Paris 3" he said calmly and as soon as he saw that I was considering making a run for it he looped his arm around mine, grinning at me as I hung my head in defeat, allowing myself (if you don't count trying to trip him and kicking him in the shins once) to be led into Sandrine's.

It was going to be a long, long, long afternoon wasn't it?

Taking my eyes off him for one second when I next looked I saw him holding two cues, and noticed a bunch of people littered around Sandrine's. If I really wanted I could try beating him by always turning it off but I didn't know how to lock it… and he did… and I didn't even know if I (as counsellor of course…) could override a lieutenants orders.

So soon enough… fine it was about half an hour later I'd gone through the basics, which were literally how to hold the cue, how to hit and a debate about whether or not some of the balls couldn't go into the pockets at all, or whether some could only go in a certain pocket.

Now I was in front of the table and had a feeling that something was about to go wrong, but I ignored it, moving into the position that Tom had showed me before and lining up my cue before I hit the ball…

And it rolled forward hitting the other balls and making them… disperse I guess you could say, I turned around in excitement and watched as Tom had to duck as I almost hit him with my cue before grinning at him sheepishly.

"I did it?" I said childishly watching him laugh slightly before taking his spot at the table, getting a ball in the pocket immediately. This was gonna go _so _well wasn't it?

After two losses… in a row might I add, not to mention in about half an hour I was happy enough to hear that Tom had to go for his duty on the bridge, and even though he gave me a look I simply smiled and waved, making it clear that I wasn't going to go to the bridge with him. Honestly, I still had a lot of things to do, and now I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and what I could do.

I was going back to my room, now!

Trying to make myself not look at all excited I slowly attempted to wander back to my room remembering that because I was in the 24th century there should be some sort of record of what happened to my sister, my parents, and what they thought of my disappearance. Truthfully I was curious, especially about whether or not I became an aunt, whether my parents gave up on me or thought I'd simply run away from home.

If I knew that much perhaps I could surprise them when I eventually got back to them, despite there being absolutely no breakthrough in figuring out what had happened to me, though the guess was still an inconveniently located wormhole on Earth that led to the other planet.

What I couldn't settle was why a car was the last thing I could remember, usually I did drive home but I couldn't even remember that. Just a silver car and a loud screech, something that may have sounded like a couple of screams in the background…

Maybe I was almost hit by a car, and then was in shock… or was hit and went to hospital but had one of those concussions that stopped me from remembering the rest. It would make sense if it was something like that.

Finally I managed to get to my room and walked over to the computer screen thing, which made me laugh considering how the PADD looked a lot like – for me the modern – tablets, but how the computers looked a bit more… old I guess you could say. Not that it mattered that much though, maybe they had something… special about them, which would be a fairly good reason why that might be.

"Computer, display records of Allegra Chase, born 2006" I told it, I found it kind of ironic that my sister was almost 12 years younger than me, but she was a really adorable 6 year old truth be told!

"Files for Allegra Chase have been found" the computer replied in the monotone voice again and I smiled as a news paper page cam up from later in her life, I knew that she loved helping people and loved animals but I never really thought that she'd ever be a vet, let alone work with people where there were chances that animal's could help recovery.

She even had her own TV show, and interviews with people in the news and on other shows! Laughing I couldn't believe how proud I was of my little sister, and even though she died over 200 years ago her achievements really were incredible! She died in 2112 meaning she had lived to reach a nice 106 years… and she'd had a family of her own… her oldest daughter called Valerie as well, and I couldn't help but laugh. 3 boys and a girl, how she would manage I don't know but perhaps motherhood really suited her. Allegra Harris… it did have a nice ring to it!

Something I doubt I ever would've managed if I was still around. Glimpsing on something I clicked on one of the interviews and smiled, seeing a brunette with beautiful curls, blue eyes and seemingly flawless skin. I would've never thought that my little sister would turn out like that and couldn't help the tears in my eyes that I couldn't have supported her throughout all of this… perhaps I'd just failed her at being her older sister.

There were so many things I should've been able to show her, and teach her…

I watched as she sat down, smiling and waving at the live audience, as well as the camera's that were on her and I couldn't help laughing again, she'd always loved cameras and they seemed to love her about as much. There was once when I'd done a photo shoot, I barely remember it considering I actually did a couple, but that one time she was there with me and in every photo she seemed to outshine me.

The actual model in the photo!

Often enough I laughed when I saw those photos on the net, but it didn't matter, then one question asked by the host caught my attention.

"So we know what you do for a living, but what actually inspired you to go into this?" she asked, looking my sister in the eyes and I saw a glimpse of sadness in her eyes no one else probably saw, considering it passed quickly.

Freezing I couldn't move, perhaps I didn't want to know what happened but I couldn't do anything and it kept playing.

"It was my sister Valerie" she said and I saw the sad look that this time she didn't bother to cover up.

"I don't think that I've ever heard of her…" the host said, looking curiously but at the same time seeming to back off as Ally interjected.

"She was in a car accident when I was 6, I wouldn't talk so they got me a dog, and later a horse to help my recovery… they became my best friends after Val… after her death" I could hear the slight sob in her voice and froze.

"So your sister was Valerie Chase, the model in that accident in the school then?"

"Yes…"

"Well we're all awfully sorry about that aren't we?" as soon as the host said that I shut it off in shock. I was dead to them? They knew I was gone? Did that mean I could even get back?

"Computer find records on Valerie Chase's death, February 2012" I said shakily and watched as a notice popped up on the screen and saw my own obituary.

'Survived by her parents, and little sister' was all I read, checking the end first. 'Died in a tragic car accident while leaving school to go home that day…'

I couldn't deal with this, I changed it going to the news and saw another line that I couldn't believe, 'the car was found to be speeding and couldn't stop in time, tragically killing the girl identified as Valerie chase, a starting off model who'd been accepted to studying psychology at Yale. The person driving the car has been arrested and is due to go to trial next month.'

I couldn't believe I was constantly being referred to as a model, I'd gotten barely anywhere in that career path and was only using it as a part time job to save up for things like gas for my car, and possibly an apartment to move into and then also to pay part of my school fee's rather than letting my parents pay it all, but I guess it made sense in its own stupid little way.

Then, looking wide eyed at the screen I broke down in tears, everything… everything was really gone, there was definitely no going back for me now and I knew that there was at least one person who'd known all along, in fact a group of them.

Tapping my combadge I tried to stop the sobs as I forced myself to speak already storming across to the bridge as I cried, feeling a mix of pain and anger, "Counsellor Chase to Captain Janeway, we really have to talk about a few things."

**A/N: I know it's taken forever to get this chapter up but I've been thinking about having her learn about what 'happened' to her for a bit and it also gives a bit of a back story for Valerie, and yes although she was starting off as a model she saw it as a part time job rather than actually wanting to continue down that line as is explained. So I hope you liked it and I am trying to make her more… understandable for you guys I guess. Tell me what you think!**

**FaelwenofLothlorien **


	18. Raging 3 Year Olds

Chapter 18: Raging 3 year Olds  
Valerie's POV:

As I stormed onto the bridge in tears I saw as everyone's eyes move to me and even noticed the slight glances around the room, the one Chakotay and Janeway exchanged and the one between Harry and Tom, and I allowed myself to give them a death glare as I stormed into the Captain's Ready room, not sure what I really expected to happen but I sat myself on her desk slightly as I waited, looking at the closed door.

She walked in looking cautiously at me but didn't bother asking for security, allowing the door to close behind her.

"How could you not tell me?" I asked quietly, fully aware of the hurt tone seeping out in my voice. I didn't care anymore. Screw not showing people everything you feel. Right now I wanted her to know every little piece that hurt right now, every little stab that I felt that hurt. God I wish she could just feel it, see how she'd react. Would she cry? Would she be angry like I was now? Would she just be too shocked to understand any of what was going on around her.

Honestly to about this point I think I dealt well with everything that was thrown at me but now I'd just throw that out the window. This was a 75 year journey back to Earth, and they couldn't get me back now anyway, I knew that. But there was one difference, while I knew that I was just missing and supposedly alive in that time frame, there was a chance of actually going back and being with my Mum, and Dad even just being annoyed by my little sister, though she was too adorable to be annoying in my opinion anyway.

Janeway looked composed as she looked at me, sitting herself down at her desk behind me as I leaned on it.

"What didn't I tell you?" she asked, though I had a feeling she knew exactly what especially by the guilty flash in her eye, but then again at the same time there might have been something else...

"How couldn't you tell me that I was dead?" I screamed losing whatever composure I'd kept to stop this from happening, but managing to refrain myself from cussing like I wanted to, or simply punching her. I had a feeling I'd be locked in my quarters if I did that. Treated like a child… again. I saw the sadness in her eyes, the look of sympathy and caring. Perhaps she did care but I wasn't going to let this go easily. "It's my life! It's everything I had! At least while I was in a way alive I might've been able to get back but you didn't try to send me back in the first place did you? You can't because I'm dead!"

"Valerie you don't understand-" she started but I couldn't stop myself from cutting in.

"What don't I understand? Oh right I'm the girl that died 300 years ago what the hell do I know that you guys don't? I don't understand the prime directives, temporal prime directive, how technology works and all that crap. However, I really don't get how you can't tell someone what supposedly happened considering I think we can all tell that I didn't _die_ and that I'm very much alive!"

She was silent, looking into the fiery grey eyes of mine, but she held her place. Last time this happened the person this was directed at flinched refusing to look me in the eye but she was different, she held her ground staring right into my eyes.

"We weren't sure how you'd react to news like that" she explained trying to remain calm, though I knew that if I kept pushing she might just lose it too.

"We? Oh right there would've been more than one person involved in this. You kept them on me like hawks to try to stop me finding out how is that fair? You never even gave me a chance; I might've taken it well if you hadn't hidden it!"

"Valerie it was decided that this might be best for you… you might find friends on board if you didn't worry about that and find a life for yourself" Janeway reasoned, trying to be diplomatic about the situation, and though there was that feeling, and I knew that she was sincere I couldn't accept that.

"Me find friends here? Well if they're all in on a big secret and try to stop me from finding this out due to an order and that's the only reason they're around they're awfully good friends aren't they?" I said sarcastically, throwing my fist into a wall instead of the captain, not even wincing at the pain that ran through them, instead feeling slightly more in control. Pain was one thing that could control most people, it was a well known fact, and one I wasn't kept oblivious to growing up.

It could teach you self control, or to control others. Though the prior isn't recommended by people, and the latter can end up with you being thrown into prison for torturing others… so neither really recommended but actually quite commonly used.

I was raging by now, I realised that quickly after actually realizing I completely lost my temper which would require me to meditate tonight.

That or work out for a couple of hours though currently I preferred the former of the two given options. After this was finished I doubted I'd have the energy to exercise!

"They are your friends Valerie"

"How can they be if they kept all that from me?" I asked again turning on her.

"I ordered them not to, but I didn't order any of them to spend time with you Valerie, all those people chose to spend time with you and chose to become your friends of their own accord and through your own actions" Kathryn continued looking at me with a larger hint of concern. After the outburst where I hit the wall I didn't blame her, what she didn't know is I could knock her out before she could call for security.

Or have her crying in pain and unable to do anything, I did after all do martial arts for a couple of years, and pressure points were something I was actually good at.

"And what, so you ordered them not to, that makes telling me what, a punishable thing?"

"It does, you of all people should know that" she said, and for once I think she got through to me, leaving me to nod unsure exactly how I was supposed to respond now. Every fibre in my body told me to scream at her, to keep screaming until my throat was sore and voice was gone, to barely restrain myself. My head on the other hand was being too reasonable! It told me that yelling to this point was unreasonable and that I should just fight back how I felt, bite my tongue and walk out of here, apologizing to the captain after I had a chance to calm down.

Instead I just collapsed on the ground, sobbing like a child. How was I supposed to be the counsellor when out of all the crew members I was the one having an emotional breakdown? How was I a good role model now… and how could they continue to treat me as more than a child now that all my actions seemed to prove I was.

Feeling arms around me I leaned into them, allowing myself to cry and not focus on the fact that it was the captain holding me in a hug whispering things that I guessed were meant to console me.

I just cried as I would have as a 8 year old in my mother's arms, clutching on to her afraid that she'd leave me, let me feel this way and attend something else. Happy that it seemed someone once again cared and that I didn't have to deal with things by myself. She stroked my hair as she whispered something but I couldn't hear any of it. I was frail now, vulnerable and though I'd love to think of myself as a dependent grown up, I just wanted my mum.

At that moment I knew that the captain would make a good mother one day as she held me patiently, not annoyed at the way I was behaving and how she seemed so understanding.

I had a feeling at least an hour past before she even got me to move away from the floor, and I looked up at her now sitting on a chair with puffy eyes, stained cheeks and completely messy hair feeling like a girl who was experiencing her first heartache as I felt the hot chocolate pressed into my hands, a soft, if not slightly sad smile on her face. I couldn't help the slight feel of embarrassment on top of everything… I'd behaved like a stupid, bratty, spoiled three year old kid.

So naturally I just focussed on drinking my hot chocolate and keeping the tears suppressed.

O.o

Third person:

Looking at each other with unease after the counsellor had stormed into the captain's ready room Tom and Harry tried to focus on their work, along with other members of the crew. Within seconds screams could be heard from the room, but the look Chakotay gave made it clear to them they shouldn't intervene or try to see what was happening.

After a few minutes there was silence, leading to Tom and Harry once again exchanging glances, Tom giving a slight shrug as he looked at his console, both of them aware of Chakotay moving towards the door of the ready room.

As soon as the door slid open, sobs could be heard throughout the bridge and Chakotay was greeted with a sight that he hadn't expected from the usually composed teenager as she lay in the captains arms in tears, not even noticing how he entered in comparison to her usual alertness. Captain Janeway however did, looking up at him with a sad look and nodding in a silent order for him to leave, which he obeyed without question. Perhaps this was what they needed though; he knew that children, teenagers especially needed someone they could rely on. Maybe Valerie had just found that person.

And as for his Captain, maybe she'd found herself a good friend that she could speak to, someone who'd also be there for her and know her, like he was trying to acquaint himself with her. Out here in the Delta Quadrant, they needed people to talk to and to look out for them.

**A/N: I know it's taken forever but with school work I've fallen behind, I'm trying to set up a roster for my fanfictions meaning this will be updated at least every Monday like today perhaps more often than that. Anyway, review! Tell me what you think of it! And once again I ask any pairings you guys want to see or would prefer? Any plot suggestions? Any advice you want to give?**

**Anyway, that's all for now folks.**


	19. I Hope he's Right

Chapter 19: I Hope he's Right  
Valerie's POV:

_Pulling on my track pants and pulling my jumper over my head I smiled as I grabbed my dance bag quickly running up the stairs to my Mum and little sister. Smiling at her I stroked her cheek as I walked by, hugging my mum who kissed my cheek a hint of happiness in her eyes. Although she didn't get along with any of the other mothers of the girls in my group I was good friends with all the competition girls, a lot of us had been dancing together since we were 4 and 5 years old._

"_Come on Al" I said to my little sister putting my arm around her and pulling her close to me, the grin on her face made me laugh a little though I saw she was tired. Leaning down for a second I picked her up so she didn't have to walk. _

_Allegra snuggled herself into me without saying a word to me and I saw my mother smile at me, the look in her eyes telling me that she was proud of what I'd achieved. Walking across the parking lot I opened the back door, placing my sister in the booster seat and buckling her in. Surprisingly she was already fast asleep; though it probably shouldn't have come as much of a surprise... she could sleep pretty much anywhere!_

_As I opened the door, sitting myself in the passenger seat of the car I smiled at my mum who was glanced at the passenger seat. _

"_You did really well today Val" she told me with a slight smile, that definitely meant that she was proud of me... as a younger child the way she acted had always bothered me but now I was used to it and didn't care. She was my mum and I loved her no matter what, even if occasionally I wished that she did show a bit more emotion, pride and not be afraid of complimenting me too much in case I became full of myself. _

_Looking out the window I smiled as I looked up at the stars as mum started driving. _

Everything faded out and I found myself sitting in my quarters in front a cup of coffee that I'd obviously made for myself, only now as I took a small sip of the water I almost coughed it out as I realised it was now cold. Groaning I pushed myself away, picking up the cup and tossing the drink down the sink.

Since a couple of hours ago, when I once again had myself composed enough that I didn't look like I'd just had a breakdown I'd been in my room, reliving older memories. Would it be possible to erase everything? Get rid of it in a simple way, everyone except I would know about it, of course the captain would never agree to that... though I couldn't help wishing for that.

Sighing I placed the cup next to the sink, telling myself I'd get rid of it later. Walking back out into my room I peeled the clothing off of my skin, grabbing the night gown that I'd replicated for myself. None of the other peoples pyjamas were like mine, from what I'd seen of the other women on board was that they wore more... conservative clothing, something that surprised me from what I'd seen in the 21st century, but unlike them mine was silky and only when to mid thigh, and had a lower cut.

It was something I felt comfortable in though, and something no one had seen me in yet considering I'd only come up with the idea to replicate it... a week ago maybe. I loved it though!

Curling myself into a ball I pulled myself under the sheet. It was fairly late, so I'd probably need the sleep to focus on other things tomorrow including my job. Truly I wandered if I'd ever see what Earth was like nowadays, but that didn't matter right now. I had to focus on the present, not the past, what's their history, or the possibility of a future.

I'd worry about everything tomorrow!

O.o

Waking up I yawned, pulling myself out of bed once again and stretching myself out. As I pulled a pair of jeans on with a singlet I had an idea as I put my combadge on. If I couldn't get back to Earth, I could at least try to make my own holoprogram... it couldn't be that hard could it?

For now I'd put that out of my mind, closing my eyes as I placed a picture of Allegra on my bedside table in my mind palace. I'd do that this afternoon when I was off for a while, and Harry and Tom were on duty while I had a bit of free time anyway so that would be perfect.

Walking along the hall I saw a familiar person walk into the turbo-lift, with a yellow engineering jacket.

"Harry!" I called, running over to it before he left without me leaving me to wait, something which I barely had to, and didn't like to do. A smile spread on his face as I ran into the lift.

"Going for breakfast?" he asked.

"Of course I am" I said with a grin, laughing a bit at how enthusiastic I was to be about to eat, and the smile of his face was also obvious. Chattering on we managed to get to the food, resigning ourselves to Neelix's cooking once again though I think it was my expression that made him laugh about it, not the taste of his own food.

"Can I join you two or did you just want to get rid of me?" a familiar voice suddenly broke in and I grinned looking up at Tom who was holding a plate of the foul stuff.

"I'd never want to get rid of either of you, besides both of you are off to that planet tomorrow aren't you? The Banean homeworld?"

"That's the one" Tom said with a grin, obviously somewhat excited about the fact that he was leaving Voyager at least for a while. I didn't blame him, though I wasn't sure if I wanted to get involved with any of that right now, I was still too concerned with other things I wasn't sure if I could be focussed in negotiations, especially if it's something to do with engineering considering I was hopeless, everyone knew that.

"Ugh... what am I going to do without the two of you for the next couple of days... or week... however long you two take with whatever your doing? And don't try to explain it to me, we all know I don't understand!" both of them laughed at the last bit of my sentence, I doubted they'd try to explain in the first place but I wanted to make sure. It'd just end up with me being confused, and probably have a headache of some sort; I often got them if I stressed out... which could happen if something was too complicated. It was rare, but with whatever they spoke about I didn't put it past it to happen!

"You'll be fine, you still have Kes" Tom said with a wink and I smiled, I was happy that Kes wasn't going with them so I still had her to talk to, she could help me learn about the plants that she grew in one of the cargo bays, now referred to as the airponics bay, which brought something else new to me, considering I used to be considered to have the exact opposite of a green thumb... thankfully none of her plants were dead yet, so she still enjoyed having me around.

"Until all her plants are accidentally killed by me" I muttered, poking fun at myself because it seemed fairly logical to voice my opinion about it. "Touch wood I don't" I said quickly catching myself on the stupid superstition as I quickly jumped up touching the end of the wooden spoon Neelix had left on the counter, hearing Harry and Tom laugh.

"Touch wood?" Harry questioned.

"Don't question me Harry, it's an ancient Earth custom and you definitely can't fit on a part of your history!" I said mockingly. "But considering I sadly know that your serious, that's me hoping that what you said doesn't come true."

"Yet we can still mock the history of wars that are fought and tactics used in them?" he asked teasingly and I glared.

"Shut it before I pull rank on you" I said with a knowing look, being counsellor put me in a higher rank than both of them, and when it came down to health, I, much like the doctor, could outrank even the captain... which probably wasn't a good thing because a lot of symptoms for mental conditions can be claimed to exist where they don't so usurping the captain wouldn't be hard for me. "So when do you two leave?"

"This afternoon" Tom replied in his normal almost smug tone. "We'll make the final preparations in a couple of hours but we're scheduled to leave at 1400 hours."

"So you guys don't have duty today?"

"Nup" Tom said happily leaning back into his chair. Although he was cocky, overconfident, and believed in himself I knew he had a reason to be. He was definitely the best pilot aboard Voyager, so I smiled trying to convince myself that nothing would happen to those two. How could it?

All I knew was if I lost my blood family, I wasn't loosing this family of sorts. Even if I only thought of them as good friends, not brothers... though that was irrelevant.

"Well let's get this way over and done with then so that you guys can come back in one piece soon enough..." that's what I was hoping, if I let them go the time would hopefully pass soon enough bringing them back to Voyager, something I'd hardly call safety but definitely something that I preferred considering I could keep some sort of control over the situation so that they wouldn't get themselves into too much trouble.

Or help them get themselves into these situations because it's like Paige always said; best friends never let each other do stupid things... _alone_.

O.o

It was already past 1pm, in fact it was almost 2, only 10 minutes left until Harry and Tom left on that mission of theirs. In a way I didn't want to go say goodbye to them, considering it made it seem they weren't coming back and at the same time I was worried if I did I'd fuss. Somehow I had a bad feeling about this...

I couldn't let that bad feeling get in the way of things though. Walking along the almost empty corridors I kept going until I reached the turbo lift.

"Deck 10" I said, before I heard the annoying bleep. Right before I reached it I froze for a moment. "Hold" I ordered, and heard the sound of the machines stop, and also felt it as I took a few more breaths to calm down, a sick feeling settling in my stomach. "Computer, resume to deck 10"

As soon as the doors slid open I walked into the shuttle way though the last door, seeing the shuttle open and both Harry and Tom in the shuttle running a couple of tests, though they looked happy with everything which was a relief considering they were leaving in about 5 minutes now I was guessing. Standing there near the door I just watched them work for a bit until Tom looked up, seeing me there watching them calmly.

"So you did come" he called over, laughing a bit as I began walking over.

"How couldn't I? I mean, what if you crash this thing, I have to at least have said goodbye to you guys" I said laughing a bit because I knew that he probably wouldn't crash it, if anyone could land a horribly damaged ship it was definitely Tom. Still it wouldn't get to that... "So you better bring that damn ship back without so much as a scratch Lieutenant"

"How couldn't I?" he said confident in his own flying abilities. "But one question, was that an order counsellor?"

"Definitely" I replied without missing a beat leaning forward to hug the blonde man in front of me, before I saw Harry walking out and moving over and flinging my arms around his neck as I forced him into a hug, before taking a step back. "Good luck I guess"

"We'll be fine Val" Tom said grinning at me.

Oh god I hoped he was right!

**A/N: Well I've managed to update quicker than I thought I'd be able to, so I hope you guys liked this chapter as well considering I've been working on it all day so here it is, I hope you'll have more soon but like I said the deadlines Monday, Australian time. Thanks for all your support and to the reviewers!**


	20. La Vie En Rose

Chapter 20: La vie en Rose  
Valerie's POV:

A couple of days had passed, but no one was worried yet so I decided that this probably wasn't time to worry either… though I couldn't help that feeling that they'd get themselves in trouble. Ignoring that though, I stopped focussing on that when a voice broke through my thoughts, leaving me back in my holodeck program.

Let's just say that my make it as you go along an rely heavily on the computer and your memory as opposed to actually programming stuff and saving as you go along approach had worked really well! It was noticeable now that I sat on the branch of the tree looking out to the garden where a little 6 year old was running towards me.

"Val" I heard her call again and I smirked at her, sliding off my branch and landing with a thud as I ended up stumbling a bit on contact, a slight bit of pain in my feet but that didn't matter. Yes… I did turn off the safety protocols but what could happen?

"Hey Al" I said smiling at her. "Woken up from your nap already?"

"Yup" she said grinning, obviously proud of herself for managing to sleep again, like mum told her. Often enough we had problems where she'd just sneak out to the yard to play instead of fall asleep like she was meant to. Considering she was already going to kindergarten it was a good thing that she didn't throw as large hissy fits if she missed out on a bit more sleep than she should have, but getting her into this habit was the best thing my parents thought they could do to give her a 'balanced lifestyle'.

"That's cool" I said ruffling her hair as I kneeled to reach her height. "Do you want to ask mum if you can come to the park with me now to play a bit of catch?"

"Can I, can I, can I?" she asked jumping up and down with enthusiasm leaving me to laugh hysterically as I picked her up.

"Why else would I ask you?" I questioned, looking at my little sister and seeing her about to answer before a voice interrupted.

"Counsellor Chase, please report to sick bay" I heard Kathryn's voice through the combadge and frowned a little.

"Computer, end holographic program, I'm on my way captain" I said as quickly as I could, watching sadly as my little sister just faded away. Deciding not to focus everything I had on that I thought that walking away as quickly as I could might help, before I truly became dependant on that program.

As I entered sick bay I saw that the Captain wasn't there yet, but I did notice Harry lying on one of the beds with the Doctor and Kes standing there, and immediately ran in to stand next to him opposite the doctor.

"Harry? Doctor is he alright? Where's Tom?" I could hear myself rattle off other questions without thinking too much but those were definitely the main ones, though I could see in Harry's face that he was awfully weak.

"They made me leave without him…" Harry said weakly before the doctor spoke over the top of him.

"He's severely dehydrated" the Doctor said bluntly, looking up at me before looking at Kes. While they spoke about ways to cure him I stood over him placing my hand on his cheek feeling how warm he was compared to me, patting his forehead and sort of running my hands through his hair I tried not to completely listen in to the way Kathryn was asking questions to him, focussing on the bigger picture of the story, and keeping him somewhat relaxed.

The fact he was back on Voyager definitely should've helped.

My heart sank though as I looked at the captain in shock. Tom couldn't have committed a murder, the idea was absurd but apparently they'd already arrested him…

How did I know they were going to get into trouble?

"He's completely exhausted, can some of this wait until he's had a chance to rest?" the doctor interrupted us, looking at the Captain and Tuvok, both of which also looked quite concerned about everything.

"We'll find out about Tom Mr Kim" she said, before looking up at me. "And miss Chase… Janeway to Chakotay set a course for the Banean homeworld"

"Doctor… I'd like to stay with Harry for a while… I promise I won't be a pain or keep him from resting… I might be able to help him be more comfortable or something" I reasoned, looking up at him as Kathryn and Tuvok walked out.

"I suppose that it won't hurt" the doctor said with a sigh, as he walked away, motioning for Kes to follow him as I stood next to Harry without saying a word, just continuing to run my hand through his hair. Truly I was worried about him, more so about Tom now that he was missing and we didn't know what punishment was for murder but I couldn't focus on that right now.

Harry looked at me, his eyes meet mine and I just tried to give a comforting smile that hopefully told him to just sleep. Thinking for a moment I realised that Neelix wasn't here so it should be somewhat safe, so I decided that a song that could double as a lullaby might just be useful in this case… of course I promised myself I'd stop singing as soon as he fell asleep as I started, finally getting the right song to sing in my head.

"_Quand il me prend dans ses bras,  
Il me parle tout bas  
Je vois la vie en rose,  
Il me dit des mots d'amour  
Das mots de tous les jours,  
Et ca me fait quelques choses"_ I sang in French, smiling a bit as I did so, seeing Harry relax at the sound of the song, possibly because partially he couldn't understand but the notes were quite nice. After all, he was a musician, able to play the clarinet, so after a slight pause I continued.  
_  
"When you press me to your heart  
I'm in a world apart  
A world where roses bloom  
And when you speak, angels sing from above  
Everyday words seem to turn into love songs_

Hold me close and hold me fast  
The magic spell you cast  
This is la vie en rose"

I could tell that he was sleeping by the time I finished that part of the song so I just stood there for a moment, looking at how peaceful he seemed so with a small smile I pulled away from him. "Sleep well Harry" I whispered as I walked out of sickbay.

O.o

Harry had recovered quickly, and we finally had Tom back… with a slight problem, the punishment that they'd given him was likely to give him brain damage. Something I rather disliked to be honest… and Tuvok's investigation wasn't helping the way I felt though I had to say all the evidence that Tuvok had uncovered, made it seem unlikely Tom did anything.

That or I was just biased… probably the latter.

I winced as I tripped at the Voyager next shook… I don't know how to explain it but it's a bit like an earth quake every time we're fired at and it hits… kinda creepy but that's the best I can explain it! Tom was still on his bed so I walked over giving him a look that showed my annoyance well enough, I wouldn't bother to hide that. We were under attack once again, but I wasn't called to the bridge like Tuvok so I figured that temporarily I'd stay here.

Bad idea.

With me here in sickbay with Tom, the best pilot mind you, I didn't feel too happy about any of this. Though I have to say that it wasn't too bad considering I knew there were other good pilots… bluntly (and once again with bias) I just preferred Tom at the helm.

"Chase to Janeway, what just happened?" I asked over combadge as the shaking stopped for longer than half a minute, as I straightened myself up.

"Both the Numiri vessels have been disabled counsellor" she said, as red alert stopped and the light returned to normal.

"Thanks Captain" I said rolling my eyes as I thought about stuff and walked over to Tom, seeing the grin slip of his face as he winced. His cycle was going to start again soon. "Doctor…"

Feeling myself pushed away slightly I saw the doctor run a few tests as I stood there unable to do anything except watch my friend suffer. He still had about 5 minutes until the actual cycle began but this seemed to happen before the cycle even started now. The amusing thing was, soon enough Kathryn and Tuvok were back, talking to the doctor about something that may prove his innocence… a mind meld or something. Suddenly I felt the need to speak up as they argued.

"Look I don't know what this 'mind meld' is, but although it doesn't sound that nice I have to say it's sounds like our only chance to help Tom… isn't it? And if Tuvok is willing to take the risk… shouldn't we? I mean it could save Tom…" I rambled before I was cut off by Kes.

"Tom?" she asked looking at him and immediately we all moved over to him, and I looked curiously as Tuvok put his hands on Tom's face, a look of concentration on his face… sweat building on his face as he trembled slightly.

Then he groaned, collapsing.

"No neural damage I can detect captain" The doctor said immediately, giving him a quick injection before Tuvok started going on about being able to prove Tom's innocence. I smiled, probably for the first time since I'd heard of Tom's condition.

"You guys are seriously using them as bait?" I asked watching the shuttle that Tom and Harry were in fly away. There was silence that confirmed it, I mean; I'd just been sitting in the room the entire time while they discussed it. "You can't be serious!"

"We'll transport them out before they get into any trouble, it's one way of proving Lieutenant Paris' innocence though Val" Kathryn said again, once again wording it a bit differently. So I sank myself into my chair rather unhappily.

"I dislike this" I said bluntly, though no one responded. The plan did seem to have worked though, as soon enough Numiri patrol were approaching.

"Red alert, on screen" Kathryn ordered calmly.

"Range 100 000km and closing…" Tuvok replied.

"They're going straight for the shuttle, just like you said they would lieutenant" Chakotay said, his face rather stern as he spoke. What I liked less though, was that Harry and Tom weren't allowed to show any resistance at all. And on top of that, Tuvok didn't seem to be too confident about his own logic. Soon enough I watched as the Numiri unwillingly gave back the ship and watched as Harry and Tom once again returned to the surface, this time to prove the innocence of the latter. Something I hoped that Tuvok would be able to do.

If he didn't I was going to hit him!

So I sat in my quarters, fidgeting and waiting… and waiting… curled up in my bed against the headboard as I tried to control myself. In frustration I hit the headboard lightly, to stop myself from hurting myself before I heard the annoying bleep of the doorbell my head shooting up.

"Come in" I said, watching Tom and Harry enter. Shooting up I wrapped my arms around Tom's neck as I hugged him. "What was the verdict?"

"Not guilty" he replied with a grin and I couldn't help the sense of relief and happiness that flooded me. "Despite the entire thing relying on the eye witness identification of a dog" he added on darkly as I laughed.

"Well it worked and that's all that matters!" I replied with a nod to emphasise the point. "Now let's get dinner, I'm hungry and I've been waiting ages!" I continued childishly, pouting as I looked up at the two.

**A/N: I know I promised you guys a chapter by Monday, but I've been focussed on assessments and otherwise restrained to my bed so I sadly haven't really had time to update but I promise there'll definitely be more up over the next couple of days so I hope you guys liked it, and if not you can also let me know!**


	21. Twohundred and fortyseventh

Chapter 21: 247  
Valerie's POV:

"The 247th element?" I asked whistling. "I feel old now… I mean I thought there were just 118… or 120 depending on who you listen to…"

Laughter rang out around me as they spoke about this new element and my entire take on it… most of it was me complaining about how I was old and uneducated, though I did know how to work the computer system now. Still they kept talking about it, about viewing it in its natural environment and so forth. How it seemed to be stable, about how so much could be made and even I had to admit, it sounded amazing… just the idea of sending a probe into a sun…

This could be another… huge thing technology-wise!

"Mr Kim, would you like to join us?" Chakotay said suddenly, as he turned back to Harry, a large smile spreading on Harry's face.

"I wouldn't miss it sir" he replied, before smiling at me as he followed them out.

Maybe, 10 minutes passed but time seemed to want to drag on once again, like it always seemed to when there were away teams. Of course it didn't matter too much, still I slowly let myself move towards the transporter room waiting for their return, though right when I walked in I saw Chakotay and B'Elanna with a… mummy…

The three of them were transported to sickbay at about that time so I took one look at Seska as I moved towards the transporter pad. "Beam me to sick bay as well Seska" I ordered and watched her nod as I dematerialized appearing in sick bay as I looked at myself with wonder, giggling like a kid at the blue lights before I realized they were looking at me… rather… strangely, so I straightened myself up looking at them.

"Please don't tell me that you lost Harry…" I said looking at them…

"We did…" Chakotay confirmed as I closed my eyes running a hand through my hair in worry.

While the doctor worked on reviving the unidentified woman, the Captain and Chakotay waited and B'Elanna went back to her post I worked on calming myself down with the normal technique of pacing, considering it helps me think.

"Counsellor, we'd like you to come here for when she wakes up" Captain Janeway said calmly breaking through my thoughts again, nodding I moved over to the girl, trying to ignore the weird ridges on her forehead, something I should be somewhat used to because of the half Klingon engineer that I tend to see every day.

Surprisingly it still got my attention.

The injection was given to her and I watched her slowly regain consciousness, the doctor, Kathryn and I standing above her, I knew that she'd be scared so I'd prepared for that. As her eyes opened I saw the doctor, unaware of emotions just do his normal thing saying Hello to her rather happily, while she took in a shocked gasp of air raising her arms, instinctively I grabbed her hand while Kathryn grabbed her other one.

"Look, I know you're probably scared but we don't want to hurt you, you're alright here. I'm Val… and that's Captain Kathryn Janeway" I said trailing off as I gave her the most reassuring smile I could manage.

"I'm Ptera" she replied, still sounding like she was hyperventilating. "Where's my brother?" she asked, fear creeping into her voice.

"Your brother… um… he's not here…" I said unsurely, looking up at Kathryn for reassurance.

"But he's supposed to be here… they're all supposed to be here" she said, the fear once again evident in her voice. I let Janeway try to reason with her because I didn't know what I was supposed to say. She started struggling, Kathryn unable to get through to her. Suddenly she screamed, as the doctor was about to inject her with another thing to get her to fall asleep. Unlike Kathryn though, who left, I resigned myself to sitting in sickbay and waiting for Ptera to wake up again, trying not to fall asleep as I did so myself.

Suddenly I saw her move again and moved over to her quickly, the doctor following suit as I grasped her hand before she woke up this time.

"Ptera? Ptera can you hear me?" I asked her quietly, watching as she opened her eyes. "I'll take that as a yes… are you alright?"

"I think so…" she trailed off and I glanced at the doctor.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway, our guest has regained consciousness and is a little calmer this time" he said not bothering about the fact that she was basically right next to him, I saw her look at him slightly and laughed.

"He's the doctor… a hologram actually… I'm real though, unlike him but I think I know how you feel" I said smiling at her as I helped her get seated.

"How would you know?" she questioned obviously not thinking I'd have any clue.

"Well I came on board in the same way... sort of I guess… they were on an away mission like when they brought you back and one of the crew members had been attacked… they took me with them and I woke up here in sickbay with the Captain, the doctor and a few of the other crew looking at me rather suspiciously I have to say" I said for her benefit, rolling my eyes as I said the last few words. "Of course now I'm a member of the crew so over time I guess… I got used to it, adjusted a little to fit in a bit better"

"Oh…" she said, looking at me as I turned seeing the captain walk in.

"I'll leave you in the Captains hands for now, but if you ever need me just get someone to call for Val, everyone knows me" I said with a wink at Ptera walking out into the halls. I didn't want to know where she came from… it might just push me over the edge with worry for Harry… God knows what he's going through at the moment.

Suddenly as I walked I felt Voyager shake and I landed against a wall before it stopped… turning back the way I came I basically ran into the captain. "What just happened?" I asked her quietly looking her in the eyes.

"Another body appeared on Voyager" she said bluntly as she began walking to engineering, and I froze in my tracks.

O.o

"Good luck Ptera" Kathryn said as I saw her stand on the transporter pad. We were close enough to try and send her back through… it was definitely worth a shot, though none of us were certain about what would happen. All we knew is that it might work, and while we were at it the warp core would, hopefully, be protected by the dampening field B'Elanna created.

She nodded sadly as the bleeping noise of the console echoed through the room.

"Transporter lock… energizing" Seska said looking up at Ptera as she worked. "Matching her pattern to the subspace distortions… wait a minute… the vacuole is shutting down I can't get her pattern through"

"Abort the procedure" Janeway ordered quickly.

"I'm trying… I'm losing her pattern… that's it I've got the pattern" Seska said and we watched as Ptera reappeared, a thin layer of that molecular structure covering her… she was dead, all the brain activity also gone… and we had two hours to find Harry…

Sitting in the bridge with the others I vaguely heard the conversation as more and more vacuoles appeared around the ship, depositing more alien bodies.

"I recommend leaving captain" B'Elanna said.

"No!" I interrupted. "We can't leave without Harry!"

I saw the look of pain and sadness on Janeway's face and I just shook my head tears forming in my eyes. She couldn't… she just couldn't…

"Very well… Paris bring us about… prepare to-" suddenly she was cut off as another shudder ran through knocking her over slightly.

"Captain I'm picking up a vacuole forming on deck 12" Chakotay said. "It just deposited a human body"

"Human?" I whispered, looking in shock before I ran to sickbay, sure that they'd transport it there. As I ran in I heard the flat line… almost freezing but instead I ran over to Harry, who wasn't in uniform anymore… in fact I was quite sure that the blanket thing was there because he wasn't in anything.

All I knew was he didn't have a shirt on but I didn't care at that moment as I ran to his side grabbing his hand and intertwining my fingers with his as I hoped they'd be able to revive him, in a way praying to any god out there, and I'm not even religious!

Nothing happened after the injection, leaving everyone silent… almost everyone. I was sobbing slightly, tears streaming down my cheeks and I felt Kes put an arm around me. Harry couldn't die… that stupid prat just couldn't die and leave me here with just Tom… after surviving the last thing and leaving me to help him recover…

Suddenly he gasped air his eyes opening, and without thinking I threw myself onto him in a hug, grateful that he wasn't dead anymore. A grin spread on his face, and slight laughter but I didn't budge… I wouldn't for a bit I figured.

O.o

Cursing I fell out of bed, my sheets tangled up around my legs as I heard my door chime ring as I slept in. Pushing myself up I stumbled as I tried to quickly move towards the chair which had my clothes thrown on it already.

"Who is it?" I called trying to somewhat get myself together.

"Harry" the familiar voice responded. I froze unsure of what to do, so I quickly picked up my clothes running into the bathroom and shutting the door.

"Come in, just give me a second to get ready!" I called, pulling the jeans on and throwing my singlet on with it, I'd grown sick of the other clothes and couldn't be bothered to wear the uniform either, so jeans seemed a good compromise. Throwing the door open I heard Harry laugh as I glared, moving towards the desk to grab my hairbrush, forcing it through the locks of overly knotted blonde curls. "Just because your hair doesn't go poufy in the mornings… so what brings you here anyway?"

"You said we were going to have lunch with Tom, Seska and B'Elanna today… you also asked if I come by beforehand to walk with you" he explained as I could've just hit myself in the head with the brush. I'd already forgotten about lunch plans… wait… it was already noon? Oh god this is why sleeping in on a star ship really isn't an option!

"In that case lets go" I said laughing a big as I quickly ran the brush through my hair again, picking up a hair tie so I could tie it up properly later, but for the moment put it in a quick messy bun. "What are the chances this is going to be a long day?" I asked him and I only noticed him laugh, he knew something I didn't.

"So how was your night?" he asked me as we walked and I looked up shrugging.

"Pretty usual I guess, I read a book and fell asleep… where did you and Tom disappear off to last night anyway? I was looking for you guys last night but couldn't find either of you…"

"You could've just asked the computer you know? But Paris decided that he needed a double date to go out with the Delaney sisters… we went to Venice on the holodeck with them" he said and I saw the slight tinge of red in his cheeks. He was always embarrassed to talk about this sort of stuff. Forcing a grin on my face I mockingly elbowed him.

"Right… I forgot but how couldn't you have told me about this _date_ earlier?" I asked in a gossiping girlish way, grinning at him.

"Uh… I didn't think it… important… I mean I didn't even really know until yesterday and I don't really want everyone to know and-" he kept rambling on and I couldn't help but laugh. He was hopeless, especially by the way he was stuttering about it all.

"Don't worry about it Harry, I'm your friend and a counsellor, not your psychotic stalker" I said with a wink as we entered the turbo lift.

"Deck 2" he said as we stood in a slight silence inside the turbo lift. It was really good to see that he'd recovered from… well being dead. Still Kathryn had him off duty for a few more days, and already had me speak to him about the experience, leaving me with the all too good results that he was still mentally stable and able to be on duty. "Anything interesting happening today?" he asked me and I thought for a second, replying as calmly as I could hoping that he didn't notice the slight hesitation as I spoke.

"Nothing" I said, ignoring the fact that it was my birthday… 18 years old, finally and therefore an adult. That was definitely a good start, I wouldn't be just the random kid but honestly I didn't feel too… special I guess you could say, I was just hoping this would be a nice uneventful day on Voyager.

"Really?" he asked me all too knowingly, I raised an eyebrow but said nothing as we walked into the mess hall.

"Happy Birthday!" I heard a call and flinched slightly, as laughter burst out between everyone. I glared at the same time as I grinned at people, the senior staff and a couple of other crewman all of whom I was more… familiar with present.

"You knew about this you traitors" I said accusingly, glaring at Tom and Harry and they just laughed at me, though I had a feeling that Harry's look meant 'you lied about nothing being on today'. "So how did you know it was my birthday anyway?"

"Your obituary" Tom said bluntly, grinning like a fool while I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a long afternoon I thought to myself, laughing at everyone, especially when Neelix brought out a cake. I couldn't help grinning at them all… until I heard those all too familiar words chanted by the people reminding me of little kids.

"Speech, speech, speech…" yup, this would be a long afternoon!


	22. Gondolas aren't safe?

Chapter 22: Gondolas aren't safe?  
Valerie's POV:

Finally, despite still being the baby of the crew, I wasn't exactly seen as nothing but a child. Or rather I couldn't be anymore, despite the fact that some still looked at me and obviously thought that I was still way to be on Voyager, let alone a counsellor on board the ship. Still, I at least had the support of Tom, Harry, Kathryn and a few other senior members, now including B'Elanna and Seska. Needless to say that I found that almost too hard to believe because of the rough start I had when I told her everything I could get from just looking at her that first time.

She seemed to hate me after that. Somehow I'd won her over though, during a counselling session a while ago and probably through the concern I'd shown to both Harry and Tom after the last two incidents. Perhaps although some of the childish reactions, I'd still somewhat proved that I could be more like an adult and fit in more.

So I sat calmly laughing as I spoke to B'Elanna and Seska, nodding at what they were saying and occasionally joining in. Smiling over at Harry and Tom when they entered I turned my attention back after I saw the two of them wave.

I needed friends other than them anyway, and I did have to get involved with all the crew as a just in case thing. Perhaps it was strange that I also had a duty to attend to, I needed to be a part of the crew, I needed to be trusted by them so they could talk to me. I knew that without being told that by anyone, I'd seen my mother work on trust exercises with all her patients. This was theoretically one of those exercises minus the slight difference that this was a different situation entirely.

Noticing B'Elanna's attention shift to Ensign Murphy, I grinned slightly at her while Seska and I exchanged knowing looks.

"What?" B'Elanna asked, fiddling with her napkin and I couldn't help but giggle, nodding at Seska to continue.

"I've seen that look before, Ensign Murphy had better watch out" Seska said with a large smile on her face.

"I happen to know he's seeing one of the Delaney sisters" B'Elanna replied calmly and I shook my head at the same time as Seska did.

"Not since Harry and Tom Paris made their move" Seska continued and I nodded at what she said, refusing to speak with a mouthful of food that I gulped down quickly, this would be an interesting conversation.

"Harry? And the Delaney sisters?" she asked laughing a bit at the idea. "He would've told me"

"Well he told me about it actually, so I guess there's a couple of things that he doesn't tell you" I said with a wink.

"Harry" B'Elanna called, and I watched as he turned around looking at us. "Is it true about you and the Delaney sisters?"

"Is what true?" he asked and I gave an offended look.

"Come on Harry, there aren't any secrets on a ship _this_ small" Seska reasoned trying to coax the answer out of him.

"She's right you know, plus you can't make me look like a liar now can you?" I asked innocently, probably sounding more like a whiny brat. Harry slowly turned around, glaring at Tom.

"What have you been telling people?"

"Well we did take that trip to Venice with them..." Tom trailed off.

"You mean the holodeck?" Harry asked him.

"It's what you told me when you looked rather flustered" I added on plastering a grin to my face, all in an effort to make life slightly more amusing for me, and probably slightly harder for Harry. Seska grinned, laughing slightly as she covered her mouth so it wouldn't be too loud.

"You've got to be kidding, that lasted all of 15 minutes" Harry said, defending himself.

"Yeah, you know, I've been meaning to ask you" Tom continued, and I saw the motion that was meant to signal Tom to just shut up already, of course, Tom being Tom, didn't. "What happened when you and Jenny Delaney disappeared in that gondola?"

"Nothing"

"Harry, we're your friends, you can tell us" B'Elanna said in a patronizing voice as we all looked at him pointedly.

"Nothing... we... talked... and then I fell over the side" he said shrugging as we all started laughing at him.

"You fell out of the gondola?" Seska asked, mocking him.

"I think Harry wasn't prepared for how... veracious Jenny Delaney can be" Tom continued and my laughing continued as Harry just rolled his eyes at all of us, despite feeling sort of sick, so I pushed the tray away. I was probably reacting to the food. Still we all continued mocking him as he just seemed to try and pull away, hiding from us while he ate. But there really was no escaping us!

"Counsellor Chase, Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris to the bridge" I heard Janeway say over the combadge and sighed as I stood up, seeing Kathryn leaving the hall as I gave Seska and B'Elanna a sorry look and nodded a goodbye.

"Duty calls, I'll see you two later then I suppose" I said bluntly, as I started walking off with Tom and Harry, walking into the turbo-lift where Tuvok and the Captain already were. "Nice to see you again Captain" I said smiling at her.

"You too Valerie" she replied, smiling back while we waited in silence to get to the bridge, walking out and immediately taking over the spots where we belonged.

"Go to yellow alert and slow to impulse, hail them Mister Kim" I heard her order as I joined her and Chakotay standing up in the middle of the floor. "This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Star ship Voyager, what is the nature of your emergency?" she asked the new alien, who looked like he had wire halos behind his head spun through his long hair.

From the look I guessed that there was no emergency, but immediately I though he looked a bit like a human that just enjoyed life and doing things he loved. At least that's what I got from the multicoloured shirt though that might have just been a cultural thing. He seemed to have a kind look, caring eyes. But still I was cautious; I'd learned from the crews tales that not everyone could be trusted.

"I assure you there is no emergency" he said calmly and I nodded as my assumption was proven.

"But you were sending out a distress signal"

"Yes, we are" he replied, in an accent that definitely wasn't one I'd heard before but that was fairly expected.

"Why?"

"Because you are in distress" he replied, smiling as Kathryn looked at me in shock, giving a questioning look at which I shrugged, and Chakotay just looked equally confused.

"I am Gathorel Labin, of the planet Sikaris. Please let us welcome you to our system, show you the hospitality of our people" he continued, trying in a way to explain himself. The doubt was growing in my mind, I'd always been taught; if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

This definitely counted as one of those times.

"That's very kind of you b-"

"If I could come aboard your ship, I have gifts for you and an offer I hope you find... irresistible" he said, cutting her off before she could make an excuse. My eyes sought for Tom's and Harry's, both of whom gave me questioning looks, probably also doubtful about the validity of this offer.

"Mr Tuvok, make the necessary arrangements to receive our guest" Kathryn said calmly, somehow making it not sound like the order it was. I noticed that Kathryn smiled at this... Gathorel and he smiled back, nodding at her in acknowledgement. Now I really wasn't sure what to believe so I looked questioningly but stayed quiet. Questioning the captain in front of this alien really wouldn't look too good.

Standing I walked out, deciding to go to the holodeck for my little moment of peace, running past my room first to grab a pair of shorts, the singlet I was wearing was suitable enough for the moment.

"Computer, run Val's program; Miller's Academy" I told it calmly and walked inside slowly, smiling at the building I saw in front of me. Walking through a beautiful reception area I made my way down the hall walking into the girls change room to quickly pull my shorts on before I slung my bag in a locker and walked into the dance hall.

Yes, I'd gotten the computer to remake the entire complex of Sophia Miller's Dance Academy, complete with Sophia herself and the other dance teachers that worked there while I went to the Academy. For now, I was preparing myself for a private class. Something told me that Sophia would be making me do acrobatics stuff to work on flexibility, like she did last time I went to the holodeck. Having programmed her with a bit of help from one of the engineers she was like the Sophia back home, ran me through a previous dance after a few warm ups, found something that wasn't the best and immediately started working on that.

After not doing acrobatics for over 2 months beyond a couple of run throughs of stretches which I had to do in dance anyway... I had a feeling this would be interesting!

"Hey Sophie" I said seeing her walk into the room, she was in her later-twenties, with long brown hair that was always back in a tight bun so it wouldn't fall out while she danced, or when she demonstrated something for students. Beyond that it just made her look a lot more serious.

"Hi Valerie... so firstly go and warm up while I get the music ready, all the normal stretches" she told me, basically like any order the captain gave. In this studio, Sophie's word was law, if you didn't do it chances were you'd be rather regretful and in pain. What gave her the ability to do it? Firstly she was paid to, and secondly she didn't just work there, she basically owned it.

Truly, it was her grandmothers, Sophia Miller Senior, but considering her mum didn't want anything to do with the studio it was going straight to her when she passed away.

After the warm up I stood up, walking over to Sophia who was standing near the mirror nodding in approval.

"So first, I suppose we'll work on the acro side of things, I noticed that you weren't getting as far in your stretching as usual so if we start on that, and you have to make sure you practise more! You can't expect to become an employed dancer if you don't spend any time outside of training dancing!" she scolded, for Sophia having a dancer that wanted to dance wasn't enough, she always said she needed dancers that have to dance. That was all there was to it! "Start off with an elbow stand an extension of the warm up I guess..."

"Okay" I replied as I lay myself down before pushing my lower body up so my legs were above my head, my forearms all that was holding me as I started pushing my right leg further so that the toes pointed the direction that my head was in and the leg straight as I moved my left leg so it was bent, my toes touching my right knee. The feeling of doing something like this again was... strange. It was definitely one of the harder things I'd done recently and had a feeling that if I did this for over a minute or two my arms would begin trembling and might just collapse under me.

Still I had to do this!

And that was how my hour of hell started...

O.o

After my session in the holodeck was over I'd noted that it was right on time, as Janeway ordered us to take shore leave and get on the planet, and noticing my hesitation she'd ordered me to the surface and to relax, and preferably have fun.

Like you can actually order someone to enjoy themselves... but apparently she had the right to... and if you refused she could actually be court marshalled... kind of strange isn't it? Normally people want employees who are willing to stay in the place of their work, but apparently not Kathryn. In a way I saw the reasoning though... we did sort of need to all get off the ship, she'd even used the 'as counsellor you should understand that' on me...

So here I was on the surface of Sikaris lying down and enjoying the sunshine for as long as I could, feeling kind of bad for thinking this all a trap. It was amazingly peaceful, something I enjoyed and having the sun above me and natural heat just felt amazing.

The one thing I didn't like was seeing Harry and Tom everywhere, flirting with all the women that they didn't know. They seemed so... idiotic when they did that but I stayed silent, even as the flirting progressed into the night which finally ended up with Harry telling a woman he'd taken specific interest to a story. Not just any story – the story of how Voyager ended up here in the Delta quadrant.

Sighing when I saw them laugh I tapped the combadge on my chest... before I could speak I tapped it again stubbornly, refusing to leave yet. Seeing her pull him away I rolled my eyes, as they disappeared on a transporter pad. It looked so... strange and cheesy actually!

As the night went on, between flirting with random people both from Voyager and Sikaris I thought and finally gave up when I yawned. Almost annoyed when Harry wasn't back and Tom had gone back to Voyager. Alone, I tapped my combadge again one last time.

"1 to transport" I said calmly, walking to my quarters to sleep. It had been a long, long day!


	23. Silence isn't good

Chapter 23: Silence doesn't help…  
Valerie's POV:

Another senior crew meeting was taking place, which meant that I was once again expected to be there because apparently my thoughts still actually meant something. Not that I generally knew what they were talking about.

"I can't believe they're not going to help us" Harry's voice broke through my thoughts... that or I'd fallen asleep... I hope it hadn't been the latter! "Some hospitality"

"40 000 light years... even if that's as far we can go it'll still knock at least 4 decades off our trip" B'Elanna added, everyone seemed worked up that they weren't allowing us to use their technology to get to Earth.

"And the possibility exists that we could reconfigure the matrix at that point, to take us another 30 000 light years... right into Federation space" Chakotay continued, voicing his thoughts aloud. Looking up at Kathryn I saw her deep in thought, probably thinking about the same thing that I was. They'd told me stories about how they had their 'Prime Directive', which meant that they couldn't share technology with other species, this sounded awfully like that, making them all seem like whiny hypocrites... or at least Harry, I'd already known that B'Elanna and Chakotay were Marquis, something that I guess sort of excused them.

"Since they've already said no, this kind of thinking is only going to make you feel worse" Tuvok said, putting logic into emotions.

"If you haven't noticed Tuvok, humans are perfectly happy to wallow in self pity" I countered, still feeling sort of sleepy. It didn't matter though as I'd officially put my 2 cents in, so now I'd wait another while until I finally got something else I could comment on.

"It's the first time, we've been on the other side of the fence" Kathryn suddenly said, joining the conversation.

"What fence?" Tom suddenly asked and I felt like hitting my head against the table. Shouldn't people in the 24th century be able to understand the concept of metaphors? Apparently Tom couldn't, and I had a feeling that the others in the room, with the exception of maybe Tuvok, didn't understand what she was talking about either.

"The one that's made of binding principles" she said, explaining it in her own way. "We have our own set of rules, including the Prime Directive. How many times have we been in the situation of refusing to interfere when some kind of disaster threatened an alien culture? It's all well to say we do it on the basis of an enlightened principle, but how does that feel to the aliens? I'm sure many of them think the Prime Directive is a lousy idea"

"Even we think so sometimes" Tom piped up again, shrugging sort of at the idea; I knew that he probably had quite a lot of moments where he was against it.

"I know of multiple occasions where Star Fleet personal have on strong ethical grounds ignored it" Chakotay added on, which definitely wasn't helping with the entire idea of trying to pick themselves up and dust themselves off. By now I didn't care, what did I have on Earth that I could go back to anyway?

"There's a reason why it's Star Fleet's general order number 1, on the whole it does a whole lot more good than harm!" Harry said, defending the entire thing right after he just complained about them not helping us.

"Captain, it occurs to me that we know little about the Sikarians, we cannot assume that their first refusal will be unalterable, it may be that no is simply a prelude to negotiations" Tuvok said, in a way possibly giving the others hope.

"It's true, maybe they can be reasoned with" B'Elanna said and I forced myself to hold the sigh back, which thankfully worked.

"What do we have to offer? They seem to have everything they need" Tom said bluntly as the talk about bargaining with them continued.

"Stories!" Harry suddenly exclaimed after a moment of thinking. "Stories are an important part of their culture; they seem to provide more than entertainment... they're kind of a measuring rod of values and beliefs. We have a huge library in our databanks; we could offer them the whole thing, all the great literature of dozens of cultures"

"What do you think Captain? Would they be interested?" Chakotay asked her, looking up and I saw the smile spread on Kathryn's face.

"They just might be... from what we've seen, they're a remarkably pleasure orientated people. They might appreciate a gift of literature. I'll arrange to meet with Gath, as a magistrate he has the authority to make this decision" Kathryn said smiling at the idea. I immediately thought of the Ancient Greeks, how they had a love of philosophy, stories, music, poetry and art in general. I couldn't help but smile at the way that there was still resemblance between what I knew and what existed around here.

"In the meantime, I'm gonna have a look at the trajector platform, maybe I can figure out how it works" she said cockily, a smug look on her face though I had no doubts she could probably do it!

"You will do nothing of the sort Lieutenant" Kathryn said, wiping the look off her face and I looked up at Kathryn in confusion. "If I find this law is negotiable I will make every attempt to get the technology but until then we won't do anything that might violate their canon of laws as we understand it"

After her explanation we were all dismissed. My eyes immediately found Harry, leaning over and talking to B'Elanna and I felt sorry for him, he probably felt quite conflicted. Recently he'd been on what Tom classified a date with Jenny Delaney, had probably fallen for that woman I'd seen him with on Sikaris and on top of that I knew of his continued affection towards his girlfriend on Earth, Libby.

Despite being counsellor I'd keep quiet for now, I'd talk to him about it if this fell through... if we got to Earth though... then all of this would be forgotten. I wouldn't ruin anything for him if she had waited for him.

O.o

Lunch the next day I once again found myself talking to Harry, Tom, B'Elanna and Seska. It started rather... glumly I guess is all you can say. It was about how Janeway didn't want to allow us to have a look at the trajector platform and try to work out how it works, not that I'd be useful at that. Still I understood why they were all annoyed and upset about that happening, when suddenly Harry launched into a tale about how he'd gone to Sikaris last night, and was spoken to, someone offering to give him the technology.

"I don't know what to do" he concluded. "I know we'd all like to get that much closer to home, but I don't know if Captain Janeway is going to go for getting the technology that way"

"Maybe she will, after all it's a Sikarian making the offer" B'Elanna interrupted thinking positively about the situation, though I was also in doubt over the fact that she would.

"But it's not above the law, the captain is only going to deal with an official representative" Tom said as well.

"I have to agree with Tom... I know her fairly well, she isn't going to do anything that could compromise the relationship we have with them... anything that could make them... hostile towards us because let's face it, if they attack us we stand no chance!" I pointed out, before I heard the familiar beep of the combadge.

"Bridge to Ensign Kim, the Captain can see you now" the voice said monotonously, and I couldn't help sigh.

"Look, just tell her what you know, answer everything truthfully and be fairly analytical of it... you'll do fine" I said smiling at him, I knew how the Captain sort of worked, being too emotional, though she was human, probably wouldn't go down as well as the facts, especially considering Tuvok would probably be there as well, he was a closer guide to her than I was, probably because of the way he had a lot of experience, something I didn't have. On top of that, I didn't know her as well.

"Right..." Harry replied taking another quick breath as he stood up.

"I'll walk you part way" Tom said suddenly, standing up, though I didn't catch what he said next but it didn't matter much.

"Somehow... I have a bad feeling about this... it's just not going to work out" B'Elanna said sighing and shaking her head and I gulped slightly nodding...

"I have to say, I'm hoping it does for all of you but my doubts are also growing with this entire thing... then again none of us can tell I guess..." I said, keeping myself trailing off. In a way I wanted to tell them how I wasn't sure if I wanted to get back yet because I wasn't sure whether or not I'd be better or there or here but I kept that locked up, unable to tell them after I started. Then I saw Seska shrug and cocked my head to the side.

"Don't you think that's up to us?" she suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked her glancing pointedly.

"I mean, we can sit here and let someone make the decision for us or we can take matters into our own hands. We've been offered the grand prize, now all we have to do is go and claim it" Seska explained, glancing suggestively.

"Take the technology without permission?" B'Elanna asked.

"Since when do you talk like that? Do you think permission is more important than getting us half-way home? The captain is so infatuated with the Sikarian magistrate she can't think straight! We can't trust that she's going to make the best decision for all of us… if we do this, we'll need to use engineering to reconfigure the matrix, it would be a lot easier if we knew we could count on you B'Elanna… and Val, you're one of the closest people to the captain here, with your help we'll know how the negotiations are going… not to mention when she's checking up if you manage to get her distracted" she said all in a hit and I couldn't help looking down. I was their friend so theoretically I should help them… but did I want to? No.

I didn't want any part in this technology.

"Seska, I'm a senior officer now… I have responsibilities" B'Elanna said before I had the chance to say anything, something I was grateful for.

"And the main responsibility for everyone on this ship is to try and find a way home" Seska argued and I saw the rebellious side in her. I wasn't sure whether I'd trust her in a fire-fight, but I knew that she'd do whatever it took to get home, leaving me glad that she wasn't the captain! "Captain Janeway made that clear from the beginning, that's our primary mission! Just… think about it… that's all" she finished, leaving B'Elanna and I to look at each other helplessly as she walked away.

"I don't think we've been given many options in this" I said to her glumly, also standing and walking away, leaving her obviously still in deep thought about the situation.

After wandering around the ship deep in thought for over an hour at least, probably more, I found myself walk onto the bridge, where we were getting a report that all the remaining crew should be off the planet and back on Voyager within 15 minutes. I was glad that I'd somewhat managed to avoid them, and their entire plan actually… though I had a feeling they were still going through with it.

Still I wasn't going to tell anyone what I knew, I couldn't do that. Sitting in my chair I waited, time passing quicker than I ever expected it would as I heard the order for us to leave orbit.

"Aye Captain" he said and I closed my eyes as I waited, feeling kinda sick again. Now I was waiting for what happened next. Would they succeed or would they fail? Did they even get the device? Clenching my jaw I tried not to look overly suspicious, or anxious. They knew I was fairly comfortable on Voyager when it was moving by now. "There's no response… thrusters are offline" he said suddenly and I held in my breath, they were trying it now.

I heard the stutter in B'Elanna's voice over the combadge when she was asked what was wrong, I knew there wasn't a phase variance… or there might be but chances were low. She was probably just trying to buy them time.

"Captain, I'm showing an unstable plasma manifold… we're heading for a breach" Harry suddenly said and I put my face in my hands… they'd failed.

"Bridge to Torres; what's happening? We're reading a warp core breach up here" Kathryn said immediately.

"We're on it captain, no time to talk" she replied quickly and I sat in silence, half celebrating that we weren't dead or injured yet, and somewhat that we couldn't get back, and then also scared in case they couldn't fix it.

So I sat silently, avoiding the captain's eyes with my head down. I didn't… no couldn't to explain to her that I knew what was happening but didn't tell her.

**A/N: So that's the second chappie in the last couple of days, I hope everyone liked it! So review to tell me what you liked/disliked! Reviews still make the world go round and give me a reason to force myself to sit down and write!**


	24. I Try Velocity

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for reading and for the reviews, I hope you like the next chapter!**

Chapter 24: I Try Velocity  
Valerie's POV:

I was feeling useless sitting on the bridge again day after day so I volunteered to go down to the planet that we were in orbit of as a part of an away team, to replenish supplies. At the current time I was with Neelix, him showing me what was edible and what was poisonous, so smiling I started pulling up Leola roots for his Leola root stew and other foods that he wanted to cook. So far, I was just glad he hadn't asked me to try it… yet…

Knowing him, it probably tasted horrible. But how can you argue with someone who says it's the best source of Vitamins and Minerals in the entire quadrant?

"All units, report to transport site A, immediately" I heard Chakotay's voice over my combadge and stood up, surprisingly comfortable in a blue sciences uniform for once. I don't know why I chose to wear it for once, but it wasn't that bad… and it was probably because I just didn't know what to wear and it was anyway in the cupboard, after all Harry had helped me replicate one during the first few days of me being on voyager.

I finally joined the others, a large bag of Leola roots slung over my shoulder and I saw Neelix smiling happily as he saw it.

"Oh wonderful, we'll be able to use these for quite a while… and Kes will probably be able to use them to grow in the airponics bay" he said, taking the bag off of me grinning from ear to ear. He seemed in quite a good mood today.

"That's great Neelix" I said smiling courteously, though I wasn't sure if it was. Still I walked over to Harry, who'd also been on the surface.

"Where's Ensign Seska?" he asked Chakotay, and I watched as Chakotay tried to reach her using his combadge… there wasn't any response though. The transporter room couldn't even locate her, leaving me to sigh wondering what she'd gotten herself into this time around!

"The rest of you get back to the ship, I'm going to go look for her" Chakotay suddenly ordered and I watched Harry nod, tapping his combadge.

"Transporter room, away team to transport" he said and I watched as the side became obscured by blue lights before once again I was surrounded by the familiar sight of the transporter room, along with the rest of the team around me as we slowly disbanded.

"Hey Harry" I said to him smiling as we started walking in the same direction.

"Hello" he replied, sounding almost formal though the smile on his face gave away the fact that he wasn't actually unhappy to see me, or completely uptight and actually formal.

"Up for a bit of lunch now?" I asked him winking as we both thought of the Leola roots, he laughed but I saw the nod.

"Maybe something replicated today though… I've had enough of Neelix's strange ingredients and cooking for one day!" he replied and I had to agree, considering that Neelix's breakfast this morning was horrible! Seriously, I don't put it past him to have some sort of vegetable that was partially digested and then the animal killed and had it taken out of the stomach…

I was feeling sick at the thought of that meal, and especially having it for breakfast again!

"Agreed… I wouldn't mind a nice stack of pancakes… though considering the time of day I might settle for a crêpe or something" I said laughing at myself. "Though I'll probably settle for something healthy… a salad maybe… or a banana milkshake"

The last was more added on, but considering a banana milkshake was quite literally a banana with milk, perhaps yoghurt it was something I was used to 'eating' for a proper meal as opposed to just a snack, though I occasionally used it for that too!

Come to think of it on Voyager was where I'd actually started eating 'properly'. I'd never eaten breakfast before in my life, despite all the obvious health benefits, unless it was the weekend because other times I considered myself too busy.

I could tell eating breakfast was actually having good effects. It felt heaps better than I thought it ever would! Not to mention there was a lot more energy to waste…

Laughing we settled into the mess hall, where true to my word I replicated a large banana milkshake, while Harry grabbed something more substantial to eat. It looked like lasagne. Or was it? I figured it was and just dropped the entire thing as we started eating… or in my case drinking… god that does sound bad.

Nevertheless things are as they are I guess…

"So do you have a shift later?" Harry asked me watching as I starting drinking, looking as though he were about to laugh.

"I have to go to the bridge for a bit I suppose… and I have to talk to a couple of the Marquis officers again, they seem to have gotten into trouble… again… you?" I couldn't help but sigh as I spoke about them, they got into a lot more trouble than the Star Fleet officers and because of that I had to check on them heaps more than anyone else.

"I had my shift this morning so I'm off for the rest of the day" Harry said with a content smile, I had a feeling he was happy that he could catch up on some lost sleep probably, unless something else happened today. Still I was hoping that like the past few days it would be fairly quiet. "Up for that game of Velocity I promised you after Lunch?"

"Definitely!" I almost yelled competitively. I was determined to win, even though I never played before in my life, I didn't even get the game but I was good at shooting… I hoped that was enough. Seeing eyes from the mess hall turn to me I blushed, hiding behind my hair as Harry laughed.

"You're on" he challenged, his eyes meeting mine. I knew both of us were determined to prove a point here. Besides, he'd be embarrassed losing to a beginner I knew that much. So, almost lazily I finished drinking the milkshake as he ate his lasagne thing and before I knew it I was in another singlet top and a pair of leggings in the holodeck, Harry surprisingly not in his uniform for once!

"So basically I just shoot the thing every time you shoot it and try not to get hit by it?" I asked again for clarification looking at the disk curiously.

"Pretty much"

"Good, best out of 3" I challenged holding my phaser up. Immediately he shot the disk and I watched it fly towards me, jumping to the side to avoid it as I turned quickly shooting. Swooping up it went over my head and at Harry, who shot before it got close. Trying to do the same I shot the holographic phaser quickly and watched as Harry leapt to the side to avoid being hit. Sticking my tongue out at him the game continued. Seeing it approach my legs I decided to show off, doing a quick back flip, twisting and shooting quickly.

Turning I saw his raised eyebrows and laughed. This was truly fun! He dodged and got the disk anyway and as I rolled to the side quickly I couldn't spot it before I felt a bit of pressure on my back.

"Full Impact, first round to Kim" the computer said and I glared at him. It was definitely best of three now and I was going to try my hardest to win!

By the time we were done, Harry had won… thankfully I'd won one of the rounds but still, I would eventually beat him at this! Though for now we'd settled to go and get dressed into uniform which was probably a good thing as the moment I attached my combadge to my clothing I heard Kathryn's voice over the speaker.

"Janeway to all senior officers, please report to the bridge"

Meeting up with Harry in the corridor I was surprised when Commander Chakotay wasn't on the bridge yet, and taking my place next to the Captain I glanced over seeing him standing at his station calmly as Janeway looked curiously and rather questioningly at the screen. Immediately I realised why, even with the static I could see a humanoid. Going off what I'd been told, he was Kazon.

"We require help, immediately! Anyone who can hear this message please help" he said through the static, and I watched as it repeated right as Chakotay walked into the bridge.

"Long range scanners picked up the distress call three minutes ago" Kathy said calmly, before Tuvok spoke up about something with dimensions and it being a Kazon ship. I would've thought the Kazon in the message would've been a giveaway but never the less.

"It might be a trap" I said loudly, watching as Neelix also looked rather suspicious about the idea.

"Val is correct, the Kazon Nistrim is one of the most violent sects of all the Kazon" he said bluntly and I couldn't help thinking I figured that would be the case. There always had to be some sort of catch, that's what I'd learnt in the few months I'd been on board.

"Set heading to intercept" Kathy finally said after contemplating for a bit. "I take your warning seriously Mr Neelix and we'll act with caution. But if we can help, we should. Besides, this may be an opportunity to make a friend" she said, and I had a feeling there was a bit of sarcasm in her tone but tried not to dwell on that too much.

Looking back at Harry I almost could've laughed, so much for having the afternoon off.

O.o

The Kazon they'd beamed on board about 2 hours ago was still unconscious, and considering Janeway ordered that they call me when he woke, so I was officially on call anytime until that happened. Amazingly fun if you ask me, especially considering I won't be able to have a nice nap like I eventually wanted to; but with talk about a traitor going around and that being the main theory to the accident that the Kazon ship had I anyway wouldn't be able to do much for a while.

On the bright side they weren't accusing me of being a traitor. Why? Well that would be because I recently learned how to do transmissions and have no clue about hiding them or any stations. Besides, I wasn't even in the engineering department so I was safe.

"I'm reading a Kazon ship on sensors" Tom said suddenly, knocking me out of my trance as I looked at my own computer trying to see if I could figure it out.

"I can see it too" Harry said from behind me. "It appears to be hailing the disabled Kazon ship"

"Get the Captain" I ordered scanning over the screen again for the fifth time before I finally found what I assumed would be the ship. These computers were beyond illogical!

"Tom Paris to Captain Janeway, please report to the bridge" he said as he continued running scans. My eyes immediately went to where Kathy, Chakotay and Tuvok entered the room looking at us. I was definitely going to let Paris explain this. "Another Kazon ship is approaching, trying to hail the disabled ship. They're not within visual range yet"

"They might've picked up the distress call" I suggested, looking at Kathy, and I saw a slight smile on her face for just a moment before it disappeared to a serious look again. They were talking about an unauthorized transport for a moment and I found myself wondering if it was possible to transport far enough to reach that other ship.

"Computer, identify who just beamed off the ship from transporter room two"

"Ensign Seska" came the monotone reply and I just exchanged looks with the others onboard. I was hoping she wasn't the traitor and doing something else, something completely stupid to prove she wasn't.


	25. Promises

Chapter 25: Promises  
Valerie's POV:

"Captain we're being hailed by the approaching Kazon ship" Harry said as soon as Kathy entered the room again. Personally I was wasting time digging my nails into my knuckles, memories of the game blood knuckles coming back to be as I remembered the pain that was quickly eased by the bets I won. Of course, my mother and dance teacher never approved of the game.

"How long until they arrive here?"

"4 minutes" he answered quickly, before tapping something else on the screen. Their ease with technology made me feel like that old person trying to use google…

"I wish we had something more definitive to tell them… open a channel" she ordered, obviously stressed and fretting as she quickly ran a hand through her hair as she sat next to me. In that moment I straightened myself up brushing a lose strand of hair behind my ear to make myself look more… in place I suppose.

Tuning out while she introduced herself… again… with her full title, I found myself amused when the Kazon replied in much the same fashion before accusing us of doing something to his ship, I rolled my eyes, leaning back into my chair.

"We responded to a call for help, unfortunately by the time we were able to respond all but one of the crew were dead" she tried to explain and I had a feeling that this guy wouldn't believe a word of it.

"I would like to speak to the survivor" he responded, in my opinion calmly despite the undertone of anger that seeped into his voice.

"We'd be happy to beam you aboard so you can see him" she concluded as I looked at her as if she'd just lost her mind. There was too much that could go wrong, including someone killing him out of anger for our situation and us risking war. Of course that was a worst case scenario, but still a legitimate one in my opinion.

Somehow he seemed all too willing though as he shut off the transmission.

"Friendly sort" Tom said sarcastically, causing me to laugh a bit as he turned back towards his console to his work.

"I suggest that I come to greet them with you Captain… Tuvok and I would be the most sensible people to take considering I'm the Counsellor and he's the chief of Security" I said bluntly looking up at her when she stood.

"The counsellor is correct, having her come to greet them would be the logical course of action" Tuvok said, and I knew that was the closest thing I'd probably ever get to a compliment.

The walk to the transporter room was silent. Painfully and awkwardly silent at that, and when that was finally over it was only made worse when we walked to sickbay with the Kazon following us.

"Captain, I'm glad you and the Counsellor are here, I was just about to call you" the doctor said as he walked over to us. "The good news is we were able to stabilize him, we had to completely replace his blood.

"The blood of what?" the Kazon asked.

"Members of the crew that volunteered to offer compatible blood" I replied bluntly, I wasn't one of them. My blood didn't seem compatible… then again I did have a rare blood type, being the only member of the crew with blood AB negative. Of course that was probably because in my time only about 1% of the human population had that blood type.

"His own blood cells were killing him, they were changed by the accident on his ship" the doctor continued to explain in more detail.

"Changed in what matter?"

"We haven't been able to figure that out yet" the Doctor replied, shifting his weight uncomfortably. Wonderful impression making skills right there!

"We wish to be alone with him" they suddenly said and I couldn't help feeling a sense of dread. Rather than moving back to where Kathy was I stayed closer, next to Tuvok and as the ring twisted I let out a yelp as I saw the needle, lunging forward right after I saw Tuvok move. The computer flat lined, we were too later, but both Tuvok and I had pinned the two Kazon against the wall.

"I want you off my ship" Kathryn suddenly ordered, anger in her voice and I nodded helping Tuvok lead them away.

O.o

Days had passed… Seska was gone, she was the traitor… I didn't understand it… or maybe it was that I didn't _want_ to understand it! She'd become a good friend over the past weeks when I'd finally made things up with B'Elanna and I just felt lost… so I found myself absently walking toward the captain's cabin once again. Kathy was the only one that knew about my breakdown from earlier as far as I was aware and that's probably why I found myself looking for her.

Standing in front of her door I hesitated for a moment, knocking rather than ringing the dratted bell. It was quiet… very quiet which left me wondering whether or not she heard it.

"Come in" I heard her say and walked in slowly, once again hesitating in the doorway as I saw her out of uniform, already in a long pink nightgown, hair out rather than in her normal bun. It worked for her I supposed as I thought about what kind of sight I must be.

With a 'normal' short nightgown and a jacket pulled over the top and completely messy hair I probably looked like the ship had just been attacked!

"Are you alright Val?" she asked me, looking rather concerned as she saw me. Feeling the urge to say something like I could come back later I bit my tongue as I nodded, walking towards her. "Do you want a hot chocolate?"

Nodding slowly, memories of the last two times I had hot chocolate came to mind, when I first came to Voyager and also when I was last upset like this. Perhaps it was now customary to assume that Janeway and hot chocolates could be used as comfort.

"Kathy… I just… I don't understand" I finally whispered as I sat on the couch her blue eyes trained on me as she started drinking what I assumed was a black coffee.

"Seska?" she asked looking at me with a strange look of understanding as I nodded.

"I suppose… I've got no chance of returning home unlike everyone here" I continued realising the tears in my eyes as my voice was abnormally quiet. "But so many of the people on board despite being desperate to get back have lost hope… or would go to extremes to go back no matter who it affected and I don't understand that I guess. I mean, I think of Voyager as home now and I just… feel so bad because I see Harry who wants to get home so badly but I don't know if I want to get back"

"You've found family and friends here Val, its understandable that your worried about what would happen if we do return because everyone has those things on their home worlds back in the Alpha Quadrant" Kathy said softly.

"Then what happens to me?" I asked hearing my voice cracking slightly, perhaps I didn't want to know the answer but that question always bothered me.

"Depending on the situation they may try to send you back to your time, or they'll keep you in the current time and you'll establish your own life back on earth or in Star Fleet if you wanted… remember you'll always be able to talk to people from Voyager after serving with them through this much and possibly more as we are 70 years away from Earth still unless we find that wormhole, you'll always have friends to turn to Val"

"But things will be different" I argued again. "I have nothing here, Voyager is my family but I have no actual relatives to help me, no parents"

"I assure you I'll do everything I can to help you set up your life here, and I'm sure Paris and Kim will do the same if we return"

"Kathy?" I asked again, rather meekly looking up at her.

"Yes?"

"I'm glad you destroyed that array that brought you here… I owe you my life"

**Hey guys again, I know I skipped a bit of stuff in this chapter and it's more of a fluff chapter but I was trying to continue to change the relationship between Val and Janeway as you probably noticed! So please review and mention your thoughts! Thanks! **


	26. I knew I hated Poetry

Chapter 26: I knew I hated Poetry  
Valerie's POV:

Having lunch with Tom and Harry was something I found enjoyment all the time, and being joined by B'Elanna never hurt considering it did make things somewhat more comfortable considering I didn't have that many friends among the female members of the crew, beyond Ahni and Samantha. Speaking of which I definitely had to check in with her later... she said something about wanting to talk to me and it had been a while since I'd last seen her…

A week ago for dinner I think.

Internally sighing I decided to pull myself out of my thoughts paying attention to the conversation at hand.

"Well I have to go, I have a duty shift" Tom said suddenly, standing up and taking the tray to the counter as he walked out, giving a slight wave. Nodding in acknowledgment I turned back to Harry, cocking my head to the side wondering whether or not he also had duty.

"I'm off duty for now" he said, answering my unspoken question.

"Well unfortunately for me, I have about… 2 hours until I have to go for another appointment with Ensign Jetal" yes, I had an appointment with Ahni, which I'd have to try hard to keep on a professional level as opposed to mere talking and gossiping. Ah the happiness of being associated with one of the members on the crew that seemed to know everything, before the others did even!

And on a star ship with a crew of about 150 that is surprisingly hard!

"Then you could come with me to the holodeck until then, I've been thinking about continuing on of my new holo-novels" he suggested, grinning at me and I pretended to think about it even though I already knew how I'd respond.

"You know I have a couple of things to do…" pausing I tried to make it dramatic but he didn't seem to respond, a smile still on his face. "Screw it I'm in"

"Then let's go" he replied with a smile as we stood, hastily moving towards the Holo-deck. "Basically this is a holo-novel based on a… well ancient English Epic called Beowulf, its set in Denmark sometime during the 1600's"

"Right… um… is it helpful that the only thing I remember from this story is that the main character eventually dies fighting a dragon?" I asked mockingly as I looked at him in confusion. I had no clue what happened in the story before that one event so I had a feeling I'd be pretty much clueless.

"Follow my lead… considering I've been in it before I'll be playing the part of Beowulf though I suppose we'll fit you in somehow… and don't worry about it, I didn't turn off the safety protocols so even if we're meant to die we won't"

"Because that's so comforting" I responded sarcastically, following him into the holo-deck anyway.

I found myself in the woods, walking along side Harry despite the fact that it was completely dark. Well… not completely but there was still nothing besides silhouettes, until we came across a woman who was frozen.

"Basically it's frozen at this point in time, so I'll resume it soon enough… just go behind a tree and wait for me to call unless you want her to stab or burn you"

"People here are so lovely" I said rather sarcastically once again as I listened to instructions, crouching under a bush near a tree as I vaguely heard the command for the computer to resume the program.

"Val, you can come out now… Freya's agreed to take us to see her King" he said, and I had a feeling he motioned for me to come out, resulting in me doing just that, standing behind Harry for a second before I pulled myself together before anyone noticed. At least they were correct and didn't put horns on her helmet. I would've destroyed the hologram myself if they did!

Trudging through the woods I could've almost destroyed it anyway. By the time we caught sight of a keep I could've strangled her just so she'd shut her mouth about how brave 'Harry' was. Though both Harry and I were fairly silent, with him probably bathing in the fact that he was recognized for deeds he'd never done.

"I've heard many tales of you Sir, though none of them mention your lady here" she suddenly said catching my attention and causing my eyes to widen, and as soon as I was going to interrupt the entire thing I heard Harry speaking instead.

"Surprising, the last I heard they had mentioned her beauty in those tales" he said easily making me raise an eyebrow. He was never this relaxed about complimenting anyone's looks, let alone this at ease talking about a female like that and so fighting the blush that I could feel was going to show thankfully in the dark. Grabbing onto his arm I roughly pulled him back to where I was standing as we kept walking, with Freya ranted on about how she should've heard.

"What the hell was that?" I asked icily, in a tone just low enough that she wouldn't hear any of our discussion.

"It made sense didn't it? She came to the conclusion and I filled in the character by being confident about something, besides you anyway needed some kind of role to play in this"

"Oh so of course I'll just be your woman" I hissed.

"She came to the conclusion" he said holding his hands up in defence as I glared, unsure why I was being so… sensitive about the topic. Shaking my head slightly I followed him into the building in silence, as we slowly moved our forward into what I assumed was the great hall.

"Hail, Lord Hrothgar! I bring two friends, the great warrior Beowulf and Valdís who have come to help us, and fight Grendel. Greet them well" I heard Freya announce us and rolled my eyes. These introductions were rather… annoying to be honest. There seemed to be no real point to them aside from waste time.

We soon found ourselves being served food on a long banquet like table, holographic food of course not that you'd really notice the difference, and while people talked of Beowulf's greatness and hopefulness that he'd beat the monster Grendel I stayed fairly quiet.

"Ah, it is no surprise that a great Warrior like Beowulf has found a beautiful woman like that!" I heard someone say and let the loose blonde hair fall in front of my face as I bit my tongue. It wasn't exactly as if I could randomly say I was his sister, not his woman in front of them. After all we looked nothing alike but the compliments amongst all the talk about Harry and me being his… girlfriend I suppose they meant was a bit… strange if not over the top in my opinion!

"I think it was merely luck" he said playing along as he wrapped his arm around my waist, me about to slap him before I decided to get in character as smile, leaning into the touch and resting my head slightly on his shoulder.

"The luck was all mine sir" I said with as much adoration as I could though I made sure that he noticed the forced smile on my face which curled into a real one as he flinched.

At least that was amusing.

Time passed slowly and soon people started filing out of the hall leaving it with only Freya, Harry and I.

"Lady Valdís are you sure that I can't accompany you to a chambers for the night while we wait for Beowulf to defeat Grendel?" Freya suddenly asked me and I simply smiled at her and gave a small wave that I assumed would excuse her.

"I'd prefer to be by the side of my beloved in case anything does happen, besides with Beowulf here I'll be perfectly safe anyway" I said without any hesitation and a slightly less obviously forced smile.

"Alright Sir, milady" she replied nodding as she walked away before I turned to Harry. The second she was gone I spoke again.

"Remind me why on earth I have to be your woman" I hissed at him, glaring as I shrugged his arm off of me.

"I thought we talked about that before…" he replied hesitantly though I didn't bother looking at him.

"You know, screw this, tell them I died while you fought when I played a distraction, I'm going to get to Ahni it's probably almost time for our appointment" I replied when suddenly we heard a loud banging noise, exchanging glances quickly. We both shared the same thought, Grendel. Sighing I spoke to the computer. "Computer, freeze the program"

Suddenly there was another bang, leaving Harry and I to exchange looks as suddenly the door was burst open, a flash of light stopping me from seeing what was going on.

**Hey guys**

**I know this chapter took forever but thanks for bearing with me, I've got my holidays now so I guess I'll have a bit more time to try and get these ready for you ^-^. Also, I've been working on a separate body of works, which will be a 'story' with lots of little one shots or drabbles of things that Valerie doesn't notice in any of this, because it is written in first person and she can't know everything, those will probably be written completely in third person. **

**Thanks! And don't forget to review if you liked it, or give any feedback if you didn't!**


	27. Chapter 27

Hello everyone still reading this story

I'm sorry if you thought this was an update, though I should have one soon enough, I've recently been busy but I am putting in an effort to continue.

Though, I have a few questions to all of you:

1 - do you want me to continue with the story?

2 - as it's been pointed out (as I was much younger when I started this) the story isn't entirely realistic with how it works so I've been thinking do you a. want me to continue it as it is or b. keep this up for all of you who like it and create a "new story" which will have the same plot line, only trying to keep things a lot more realistic

Thanks for reading the story so far and I hope to hear from any of you

Sincerely

Faelwen


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